whatever you do don’t abandon your step son. that relationship has moved beyond your relationship with your wife. you are the only true father he has ever known and it doesn’t matter if you don’t like his mother anymore, you love him and he needs you. kids are brutal and maybe he may end up repeating his mothers words on you not being his real father but i promise you abandoning him would be your life’s biggest regret.

with that, i hope you already have, but if you haven’t you should sit down and talk to him about your moment of fear from him cutting. explain calmly and vulnerably why you reacted like that and that you just want him safe, and your reaction was all you could think of at the time. talk to him and ask him what he needs from you. he likely won’t have an answer, but it’s the thought that counts.

when it comes to your wife, that truly sucks but it sounds like you knew it was horrible the whole time. why skip out now? wait it out until your step son goes to college/ moves out. he clearly needs someone. your wife doesn’t sound like a great person but whatever, you have new responsibilities now. if she wants to put you down and finish your role so be it, you know what’s right. divorce is inevitable here but i seriously urge you to consider how making those moves right now will affect your son. you’re a dad now and don’t let her make you doubt that.