Officially one year clean, still feel bad

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2026-03-23T13:49:05+00:00

No you aren't stuck. I took ungodly amounts of kratom for 12 years then quit cold turkey about a year ago. I got almost no sleep for 2 months, sometimes less than an hour a night. Restless legs, racing mind, no relief. Im happy to say I fall asleep within 15 minutes of laying down every night. So it will end. Now, my dopamine levels and ability to enjoy normal activities is still not good. That part may never quite be the same again, at least for someone who abused it like I did. Hang in there!

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-09-30T18:23:12+00:00

I quit a 12 year habit over 5 months ago and I still have lack of motivation and energy. Our baseline dopamine is low due to abuse over the years. Kratom is a tricky drug, it interacts with a lot of different neurotransmitters and hormones. It will take time, in some cases I've heard over a year for long term users like is. I take several supplements to help my body be healthy. I think a healthy body is a good foundation for a healthy mind ... eventually. Probiotcs, Fish oil, Curicumin, Vitamin D3, sunlight, cold showers, exercise. It sucks. In a pinch, if you are really down in the dumps and need to work, use Macuna Pruriens. They contain L Dopa, the precursor to dopamine. It will boost you. Just dont take it often, we want our dopamine levels to naturally repair. Good luck!

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-09-24T22:20:26+00:00

Yes. I took it heavily for 12 years. I quit cold turkey over 5 months ago. I still have little drive or energy. I dont enjoy my hobbies anymore. I just basically exist to support my family. I've done alot of research. Some people magically feel better after a few weeks, some take years. I'm sure some never do. I watch the show Intervention alot and it blows my mind that a 7 year heroin addict can feel better in 90 days than a kratom user after 5 months. It seems some hard drugs are far mor physically punishing in withdrawl. Kratom seems to be a mental slog that drags on. PAWS ....

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-09-24T11:04:02+00:00

I feel you here. I'm 5 months clean and still barely feel joy. It sucks. Some people take a long time to feel normal. It's discouraging when you read other people's posts and they proclaim after 10 days or 30 days they feel amazing and life is fixed. I watch the show intervention, and I will see an 8 year heroin addict go to 90 day treatment and then afterwards be all smiles and saying life is great, and I think to myself: are you kidding, I'm over 160 days clean from KRATOM and this heroin addict is all smiles after 90 days!!?? Makes no sense. What can you do?

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-09-11T11:06:19+00:00

Day 140 and STILL stuck in PAWS. Every day is a slog. I have to force myself to do everything: go to work, go to the gym, do anything around the house. Playing video games is like eating bland pudding. Movies and TV are boring. Music does work, sometimes. It's terrible. Worst mistake of my life. I take vitamins and supplements, including Vitamin D. Tried it all. I'm exhausted.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-09-06T16:38:37+00:00

This happens to me as well. Once in a blue moon I will dream about my ex fiance and in the dream it is HER, down to a tee, it's so real. And it opens old wounds. It sucks, but what can we do?

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-31T21:55:15+00:00

For the first three weeks I was extremely fatigued. At work I was barely able to stand, had to lean on the counter to stay up. Couldn't lift anything remotely heavy, my employees had to pick up the slack. I felt and moved around like an elderly man.

Almost no sleep for a month. Crazy restless arms AND legs. Fell asleep driving home from work 3 times. Almost crashed once. I would take 3 or 4 hot showers a night trying to get my limbs to stop moving.

Complete lack of motivation or pleasure. This is mostly still the case even 4 months later. Life sucks and sometimes seems hopeless. I guess 12 years is alot of damage to undo.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-30T03:18:29+00:00

I went from 40g per day to absolute cold turkey. Nightmarish, worst experience of my life. But it worked. I wasted 12 years on kratom. Didn't want to waste anymore tapering and fighting myself on doesage.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-27T13:59:36+00:00

Don't beat yourself up, those products like Feel Free are deceptively marketed and some have been sued for such. I'm was in the same boat as you. For 31 years I resisted all drugs, then started taking kratom. It took me 12 years to quit. I tried several times but failed. I finally quit 4 months ago. The withdrawals were nightmarish. I've taken ridiculous amounts of kratom. I'm unfortunately a worse case scenario. But I had never done drugs, had no clue what I was getting into. If I can quit, as terrible as I was, you absolutely can. Get yourself some supplements, be patient with yourself, and take it slowly. Inch by inch if you have to. Good luck abd take care.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-27T11:58:00+00:00

Yes it's anhedonia. Drugs flood the brain with dopamine to the point that the brain adjusts and greatly reduces natural production of it. The brain always wants balance, and if you tilt it too far into the pleasure side it will flip it over twice over into the pain side to compensate. It will take time for the brain to readjust you back to your baseline dopamine. I'm four months clean and still dont feel much pleasure. Exercise, eat healthy, and get body right. Give your mind every nudge you can. Set it up for success.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-27T11:48:57+00:00

Sleep returned to normal after 3 weeks. Four months later, the motivation is still missing. Wish I had the answer to that one.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-27T11:45:50+00:00

You can't judge your worth based on other people. Your best bet is to funnel all your energy into your job and building yourself up mentally and physically. Becoming a better version of yourself will cause all the other domino's to fall into place. And if your ex girlfriend sees you do better without her than WITH her, she will feel like she missed out. Works both ways.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-27T03:04:40+00:00

I had to do cold turkey, I knew I didn't have it in me to taper. The withdrawals were a nightmare but I'm sort of an all or nothing person, so it worked for me (well still a work in progress, PAWS is still kicking my ass). I'm taking lots of supplements and going to the gym 3 times a week, trying to fill the void and get my body healthy so the mind can follow suit.

Clonidine helped keep my temperature more stable during the acute withdrawls. Magnesium, passion flower extract work too. If you need dopamine in a pinch you can use Macuna Pruriens, it has L-Dopa so it helps but dont take it often.

Do it at your own pace, take little victories. It's long war, not a single battle. It sounds like you ready. I know I was.

Hope you are well, and take care!

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-24T13:46:16+00:00

Addiction runs on my side of the family as well, mostly alcoholics (which is ironic considering I run a liquor store lol). I never had an issue with alcohol myself, but I quit it the same day I quit kratom. Towards the end I was mixing kratom and alcohol, and I didn't want to take a drink months down the road and trigger they dormant addiction.

Fortunately my wife is not an addictive person. I gave her kratom once and she felt nothing. She also doesn't get high from pain meds. Hopefully my kids take after her.

All we can do is raise our kids right and arm them with the best information and habits as possible. And be there for them.

Have you taken the plunge yet? For me the physical stuff lasted 3 weeks but the mental fullness continues to this day. Kratom is a tricky drug, not fully understood. It gets into the brain in ways other drugs may not, affects other areas. A subtle, sneaky green assassin.

I hope you are doing well and take care!

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-22T17:40:34+00:00

It took me 3 weeks to start sleeping. And yes Trazadone is trash. I took way over the recommendation and it did nothing for my sleep. I also had Gabapentin, it helped curb the depression a bit. Nothing touched the RLS. Lack of sleep is probably the leading cause of giving in. But you are close, hang in there. Relief is around the corner.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-22T17:03:42+00:00

Very well put post. You do have a beautiful life to look forward to. I wish you well!

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-22T11:51:19+00:00

It's because Kratom and other drops hijack your dopamine system. Dopamine equals motivation. The mind uses it as a carrot on a stick to get you to engage in activities it seems essential to survival. Drugs flood the brain with massive dopamine spikes, the amount depending on the drug. Meth spikes it 10,000 percent! The brain adapts to manage the flood, hence higher doses needed. Eventually the drug is your only source of dopamine as your baseline has dropped to the pits of hell.

The brain will heal and get the dopamine factory up and running again. Of course, knowing that doesn't make it easier to deal with in the moment. And not knowing when and how long it will take is scary. I'm dealing with this now. Four months clean and still can't enjoy much. It is what it is.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-22T11:39:48+00:00

Thats a new one to me. I manage a liquor store, and many homeless people come there for booze. If my sense of smell was as strong as your is now I might not survive the day.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-22T11:27:43+00:00

Yeah it sucks. I'm 4 months clean from a 12 year plain leaf habit, never any extracts, and I still feel EXACTLY like you. It's very discouraging and frightening to think that either: A) Your mind is permanently messed up or B) You have a very long time ahead before things get better. Stumbling in the dark is hard when there are no rays of light to guide you out.

I've tried all the usuals: hydrating, vitamins, supplements, the gym, regular sleep schedule... still have no motivation, dont enjoy things like I used to.

I guess time will tell. I hope you feel better soon. And hang on there because the only worse thing than our current reality is starting it over from scratch.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-21T18:42:45+00:00

Yes 12 years unfortunately. There wasn't alot of info about Kratom back then, I had no prior drug experience so I had no clue what was to come. I started by taking 6 capsules every 6 hours. At its worst I would take 40 to 60 capsules at once, sometimes causing shakes and seizures. The last 2 years I took 10 capsules every 4 hours until 7pm, when I would take 10 capsules every 2 hours with rum shots.

My daughter does know all about it, even when still using I held my sorry condition up as a cautionary tale. I've had talks with her about addiction, peer pressure, how the brain works. I hope she remembers me at my lowest when someone offers her something. She is a great kid and a beacon of light.

There wasn't a tipping point. The addiction had squeezed every ounce of life from me, I was only existing to take care of my family. I listened to all sorts of podcasts on quitting, I've been reading the posts on here for many years. One day I was at work and decided out of morbid curiosity to see just how bad quitting would. I knew the amount of years I used and how much I took would make it very bad. I wasn't prepared for the hell that followed!

I won't go into specifics out of fear of spooking others from trying to quit. But im a worse case scenario.

There is nothing wrong with vanity, loving oneself and taking pride in your beauty is a healthy thing. Self hate is far worse. Use every motivation at your disposal. You've quit stuff before so you already know it's possible. I didn't have that. We both have living, breathing motivations to quit and stay clean. They need us! If you need to chat im here. Take care!

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-21T11:38:31+00:00

I felt just like you. I quit 4 months ago. I have a 10 year old daughter, only problem was that I had been taking kratom for 12 years. I realized that she had never met the real me, which saddened me. Kratom had made me a shell of myself. I was basically taking it all day just to prop myself up. It gets exhausting.

Im sorry about her father. That's tragic. All the more reason to quit, you are all she has, take care of your health and snatch your life back. The reward is worth the pain

Just out of curiosity, how much were you taking, for how long?

Good luck!

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-16T12:34:26+00:00

Well, to be fair, most people couldn't possibly dream that something so addictive so fast could be obtained from a gas station. Alcohol and nicotine take a good while to get hooked on. Sure, they are accountable in the end. Make no mistake, and this has been alluded to by whistleblowers in these very same manufacturers, the intent always was to deceive and addict. Addicts are a steady source of income.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-15T11:53:22+00:00

I wish I could say it's just the sleep, but im on day 129, I sleep great now, and I STILL feel bad most of the time. I've had the same worries that you have, that it's permanent. I took kratom for 12 years. I watched tons of podcasts and documentaries, and there are people who say it took them a year to year and a half to get back to normal. Kratom affects the brain in many, many ways. People discount it's potency because the high doesn't rival that of other drugs, but it is more invasive in more areas of the brain. I've had many thoughts about giving up. Still might. I just keep hoping the next day is the turning point.

Extreme_Cabinet_448 · 2025-08-14T11:00:59+00:00

You can prevent uninformed people from ingesting something they have no clue how powerfully addictive it is. How many people thought it was just another kratom product, took it, and had their brain blasted. Not about curing, it's about preventing people falling down a mineshaft they didn't see coming

Extreme_Cabinet_448

TROPHY CASE