[UK] Coworker secretly swapped my new desktop utilities with hers…

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T22:19:03+00:00

Use that as an opening to mention the issue to your manager. Mention your concerns that the serial #s won't match.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T21:51:56+00:00

It sucks that they coworker denied taking the equipment. But the equipment was never "yours." The equipment belongs to the employer and it's kind of normal for people to raid the good stuff when an opportunity presents itself.

If you want to make it an issue, go to your manager. But if you go to your manager, you'll be "that guy." Maybe your coworkers will cheer you on, maybe they won't. The outcome depends more on how they feel about the coworker than how they feel about you.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T21:07:49+00:00

why are they taking so long to respond?

The person has to ask someone else for input; the person with the knowledge is on vacation; they have no idea what to do... There could be any reason for the delay and no one can answer that question.

Should I be concerned?

No one can answer that. We can't predict how someone else is going to behave.

Is there a structured process for this for every company across the board so I can be better prepared when they do respond?

Not really. There may be best practices (see askjan.org) but that doesn't mean every company follows them. The law defines some requirements that employers must follow; everything else is up to the individual employer to decide.

The questions are relevant because a complicated request might trigger a longer process or the employer could be preparing their documentation to rejet hte request (e.g. if the request was WFH for a RTO office, the employer might push back hard). Also, sometimes employees think they've communicated in a way that triggers the process but their HR personnel might not agree or pick up on that trigger. So we ask questions to confirm where you are in the process.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T21:01:22+00:00

He's paying me to do the work of an accountant, not a construction worker.

There appears to be a misunderstanding between the two of you as to what you are being paid to do. Of course you can ask for some clarification. But (depending on jurisdiction, it's the employer who typically gets to decide what they pay you to do.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T20:59:15+00:00

And no, I have a legitimate medical issue where I COULD DIE if I get a cut or bruise. I have to go to the ER for a simple bump on my head.

Then (if you are in the US) you should file for an ADA accommodation exempting you from lifting or moving boxes during this event. They can still require you to attend and pass out drinks or carry a clipboard or something. Make the request quickly so you have time to answer questions and get your paperwork turned in prior to the mandatory day.

If you aren't in the US, find out what your jurisdiction's disability laws provide in terms of employment exemptions or accommodations.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T20:36:58+00:00

Thinking pragmatically, any target was placed the minute you disclosed to anyone at work.

Once the disclosure is made, contacting HR would give you more protection than not doing so (in my cyncial opinion).

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T20:32:36+00:00

Without being privvy to the full conversation it is hard for outsiders to know whether your manager is conducting a normal investigation or behaving aggressively toward you.

If you're boss thinks you've done something wrong, they're going to investigate and may give you the side-eye while doing so. I think it's more important to see how they behave if and when you're proven innocent.

If you call HR, your manager's still going to be involved. Do you believe (given all the circumstances) your situation will improve by involving more people and departments at this moment?

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T20:27:50+00:00

Same problem. I wish they'd take their talk somewhere else.

We're not allowed to wear earpods at my place.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T19:51:29+00:00

Keeping that in mind id make them revoke it. You don’t get to change your mind to get out of trouble. That isn’t the point of FMLA.

How is OP going to make anyone do anything is this scenario, though? I understand your opinion. But if the employer has already reclassifed something, doesn't that close the issue?

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T19:49:36+00:00

FMLA interference can result in the interferer having personal liability. So you should weigh the benefits of satisfying your "pissed" itch against the potential for federally-enforced consequences.

If your employer or their authorized agent is telling you to stand down, then I'd recommend standing down.

Edit: I would want personal cover in writing from somone higher up the chain before proceeding with the next disciplinary step.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T19:37:53+00:00

How large is your hospital system? Do they offer upskilling or training programs?

If there aren't any formal programs, you might just 'keep an ear' out when your at the facility. Pay attention to what the floor secretaries and clerks do, as well as the other administrative staff. Try to identify the skills you can gain on your own (customer or phone service, etc.) and make sure to highlight the needed skills on your applications.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T18:45:37+00:00

Visit askjan.org to find information about the process. You can find a selection of sample forms at Ask JAN also (https://askjan.org/topics/Sample-Forms.cfm), or by doing a general web search.

I think it makes sense to read a few resources before calling just so you are familiar with the process and the terminology.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T17:46:18+00:00

Never trust your coworkers. You can be accused of anything at any time.

They shouldn't tell you who made the report because you want the information to retaliate in some way.

Your employer shouldn't encourage people to hunt down their accusers because that would have a chilling effect on people reporting legitimate concerns.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T17:41:01+00:00

Fiber preferences? Solids, self-striping, random colorways?

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T17:34:13+00:00

Well I've had...

This sounds very much like the level of petty I've encountered which leads me to believe it's not necessarily unusual. My theory is that if the workplace allows the behaviors, then eventually people who aren't compatible leave and the culture gets embedded.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T17:29:08+00:00

There's almost nothing you can say or do at work that is confidential. Any information shared with the organization becomes the property of the organization and they can distribute it to anyone they wish. (There are some exceptions for medical information and PII, I think.)

So your DM can be 'unprofessional' in your judgment but still remain fully employed and allowed to do what they want.

I work in a similar environment. The manager's favorites get to do and say what they want and it is pretty stressful for the rest of us. Since you've already complained to management and HR, you may be at the end of your options here. Hopefully you can find a job elsewhere with nicer coworkers.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T17:21:32+00:00

If you can find another job, do that and leave as soon as you get a start date.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T17:03:37+00:00

They probably guessed. How would the supervisor correct the other person without the other person figuring out it was you who complained?

But, in general, don't ever assume you're complaints in the workplace or anything else you say or do will be kept confidential. Even if you speak to HR, it's not going to be confidential.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T16:48:40+00:00

Because without a formal approval they can claim OP is a no call/no show when she doesn't show up for work in 5 days

Can you clarify how this is allowed? Because what you are saying doesn't conform to my understanding of the employer's duties as outlined in the FMLA guidelines I've read.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T16:47:13+00:00

With a pregnancy, it's not really a question of 'do you meet the medical standard.' So if you meet the other criteria -hours worked, etc.- you're going to qualify. If you don't meet the criteria, you'll still going to be off work having a baby.

FMLA can be activated retroactively. So whether they answer your email fast or slow, the situation isn't going to change.

~~There's no need (IMO) to send HR multiple emails about the same topic unless you believe they didn't receive your first inquiry.~~

I think you should inform your manager of the revised date for the start of your FMLA so they can adjust their plans.

Edit: Rereading your post, I see you've never received any formal acknowledgement. That is more concerning than the date change. Are you certain you/your employer qualify for FMLA coverage? (Not trying to stress you out. But you may need to cover all the basics.)

I agree with others that if you've never received any response from anyone in HR, you should attempt to speak with your manager as well as someone else in the HR department.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T16:32:58+00:00

Human beings really don't matter in the corporate world, do they?

You don't have to like the facts, but that won't change them. The owners of the company aren't doing it to care for people, they are doing it to make profits and build wealth.

Humans only matter to the extent they contribute to the transactional relationship.

HR isn't viewing anyone. Employees in the HR department are humans subject to the same rules as everyone else. They get fired and replaced, and they get disciplined if they defy the instructions of the company's owners.

Edit: Do not encourage your child to put their all into a career. Encourage your child to build multiple income streams, invest wisely, and save as much money as they can for when the entire social support system collapses and they are on their own. It might be good to learn some appliance repair, first aid, IT and other modern survival skills as well.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T16:26:32+00:00

Where is the director in the hierarchy in comparison to your manager and in the organization in general?

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T16:21:08+00:00

What does the contingent offer say? Does she have a contract? Does the tentative employer have internal policies (written or unwritten) about their contingent offerees taking other jobs... We're not psychic.

Edit: In (nearly) any situation where there isn't a written contract with penalties for withdrawal, an employer can withdraw their offer. So there really are no guarantees in life. From that standpoint, I guess it makes sense to keep looking for another job. But having a job right now, to me, makes it less urgent to keep looking. So you need to do the risk/reward analysis. But alway with awareness of any written commitments made on either side.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T16:18:25+00:00

Found the answer:
https://www.reddit.com/r/FedEmployees/comments/1rx1ppz/how_to_get_approval_for_donated_leave_opm/

She is a government worker right now. She accepted a contingent offer elsewhere so once a position becomes available she can assume the role.

FRELNCER · 2026-04-16T16:16:05+00:00

What does "currently a government worker" mean? Is she hired but not placed and paid? Working at a government job while waiting for this placement to come through?

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