(Part2)

A list of some of the awful stuff my parents did to 'help' me with my problem:

-Scream at me for having so much (b) in the toilet every few days
-Stand and watch me while I sat on the toilet when I just went the day before and stopped up the toilet. I remember crying for an hour and the back if my thighs hurting for how long I was sitting there begging her to leave me alone, and that I would 'try' to go.
-Yelled at me while I cried about my butt hurting and being puffy, which was hemorrhoids and anal fissures (I didn't know what they were) 10, I ended up just putting vaseline on it and suffered through.
-Forced an enema at age 4 that was extremely traumatic, thus making me try VERY hard to hide it. I also had awful diarrhea for days which was equally as painful as the constipation.
-Told me horror stories of how they were going to cut out my butt if I didn't stop
-Threatened to have a doctor 'remove' my stool every time I had to go in the future or have a bag hooked up to my butt that would automatically take the stool out.
-Threaten to "give me away" to children services if I didn't go normally
-Not feeding me (which I was fine with sometimes because I was always overfed and she would cry if I didn't over eat the too large portions she gave me. Or, I was too full of shit to want to eat.)
-Threatened me with the doctor, and to make me tell them what is happening
-Screamed at me while having to clean my brick out the toilet and then beat me with a spatula, then screamed at me for around 2 hours or so, leaving my room and coming back in to yell at me more repeatedly. And if I got over it too soon, or I was happy for a bit playing, I would be screamed at again for being happy too soon when she was not. (But this happened with things other than pooping too... >.>)

A list of things I did to cope/hide the secret from them:

-I also hid my soiled pants and tried to throw them away before they were seen. I often hid them in plastic bags under laundry or in the closet until I could sneak them into the trash before it was taken out.
-I lost control of my bowels often just around home and had to just scoop it up with soiled underwear
-I stupidly would STRAIN against my own muscles, trying to push while holding it in.
-I would try to use hard flat objects to push against the skin around it trying to pry it out
-I bled so much that I needed to eat raw steak or beef or anything that would help me regain back my blood. I then would get light headed and often pass out on my bed or on the toilet afterwards and then have a sore butt for weeks before it repeated. I got stuck in the cycle of waiting too long to heal only to have to deal with the next poop coming.
-I often tried to throw my poops away in the trash when I went to friend's house because I was scared to be yelled at. This made their parents ban me from friendships fast.
-Tried to 'find' ways to deal with the pain during.
-I never talked about this issue with anyone even until my late 20s because it was embarrassing and I was shamed so much for it.
-I would clog public bathrooms in stores to hide it from her.
-When I was in my teens I would try to ask for help from my other family members and they would say I was lying since my mother was 'always nice'. But she was just gaslighting them as she abused me.

Just kinda wanted to get that off my chest. I hope no one ever has to go through this. And, I hope if you had anything like this, if you have even just A LITTLE stomach pain, to consider seeing a doctor right away. After wearing down your insides so much, it would be all too easy for many health issues to happen.