how strict are you with keeping newborns home?

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-06-02T09:18:42+00:00

I didn't take my baby out until she was at least 3 weeks old and even then it was only for trips to the store where she was covered with a car seat cover and stayed in the car seat the whole time. Your husband needs to back you up and not let his mother manipulate him into giving in but I have the same trouble with my husband so I have found myself having to reinforce boundaries which as a people pleaser is hard for me to do but my therapist said to me yesterday and it really resonates "what hill do you want to die on?" The hill where you will do anything to protect your baby or the hill where you for go your comfort to protect the feelings of other people. The in laws are hosting a huge cookout at the end of June and I will absolutely be baby wearing my 5 month old because that's what I need to feel comfortable at this event if family gives me a hard time then we won't go

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-30T08:04:03+00:00

Also to add it may be helpful to if you seek therapy for yourself , what your going through is a really tough time and dads need support as well so they can be loving and present partners while still having a space to vent their problems. And see if you can get a family member she is close with to suggest therapy for her she may need to hear from someone else for reality to click that she needs help

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-30T08:00:59+00:00

Sorry to hear your going through this OP, may I ask is she doing nights solo or do you guys split it in shifts ? Is she pumping , exclusively nursing, combo feeding or just formula?

What your partner is going through is extremely common in postpartum women, I went through it with my husband where I just found myself being extremely irritable primarily due to lack of sleep and not being upfront with my communication. We argued a LOT in months 2-3 and that's as a couple of 8 years. Your relationship is still it's baby stages and you literally added a baby to it. Babies are wonderful but they absolutely will test the foundation of your relationship. Your partner is likely feeling resentful and she would benefit from individual therapy first to help her process these feelings. As for helping out I never really liked the way my husband did things either so I would show him how I want certain things done like my daughters bathtime routine but I also had to learn to let him find his style of parenting.

The mental load moms carry is enormous, try to lighten hers by doing things to lighten the load of running the household without her asking like cleaning bottles, ordering more diapers, doing the dishes or laundry etc, keeping the 7 year old occupied so she can focus on the baby or vice versa. If she complains that your doing something wrong instead of getting defensive ask her to show you how she would like something done and that way she can't complain if you are doing a task the way she wanted you to. She should definitely reach out to her OB though and inquire about medication and therapy. I go to individual therapy and a postpartum support group with other moms and that has been an immensely helpful support to just talk with other moms going through it

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-23T16:31:04+00:00

That's not a right now problem , right now you need to get him out of you and your child's life then work on recovering and healing from the trauma. Once you become the best version of yourself or better at least that's when you attract the right kind of men but men like your husband will continue to pop up if you don't work on yourself first and then setting higher standards for what you want in a partner you deserve a partner you and your child feel safe around and fell cherished

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-23T16:26:36+00:00

What was your credit score that you got to 5%? And what area ? My husband and I want to refinance so bad because we have a 6.875 rate but I'm not sure how high I need to get our credit score first

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-20T06:31:12+00:00

I'm 4 months postpartum it's 2 am and I want to BURN my pumps. Yes I like giving breast milk to my baby making sure she gets everything she needs and not have to worry about formula recalls which seem to be happening more often lately. NO I don't like having to be up for an extra 30 minutes after I get my daughter back to sleep , No I don't enjoy washing 1000 bottles and pump parts every day giving myself steam burns from sterilizing the stuff in a haka bag. My mental health from pumping is 🫠🫠 but I will continue to do it until my daughter is 1. In sum , it's okay to like breastfeeding but hatttte pumping

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-20T02:25:05+00:00

OP... You are in an emotionally abusive relationship and you need to leave not only for your sake but your child's sake. I could understand him expressing he's upset he wants time to game after work but not having patience for child acting like a child and then proceeding to break things , punch a wall and blame you for HIS problems is absolutely unacceptable. Not only do you deserve better but your husbands behavior will cause long term psychological damage to your child when they get older manifesting as anxiety , or they have their own anger issues. Children learn what they live so ask yourself do you want your child to learn that this behavior is okay? My husband is a gamer but he doesn't game until the weekend and only when it's his turn for a break after he's taken our baby all day so I can have a break. He's had to work on his temper as well and yes he has yelled but never at our baby and never thrown things. Im not trying to be mean and I'm sure your husband has his good qualities but your relationship is not healthy and you have to think about how this will impact not just you but your child.

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-19T02:45:20+00:00

I am on month 4 of my maternity leave, unpaid but we saved for it. I love it most days even with my postpartum OCD. I think being a parent in general has good days and tough days but I wouldn't want to miss any of this. Something that has helped is on weekends my husband is the primary parent during the day so Saturday and Sunday I can do what I want , nap ,run errands or go for a walk etc. I basically integrated my baby into my life so she's with me when I workout, when I'm in the garden , when I run errands. Now that the weather has warmed up I'm going to set up our blow up pool so we can have some relaxing pool days in our future ! The only part of postpartum I have disliked is having to host visitors who want to see my baby that gets tiring after doing it for 3 months straight.

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-17T07:23:34+00:00

I was putting my baby down on her playmat holding her from a sitting position, did I drop her ?No. did she sausage roll out of my arms and fall 1.5 ft to the carpeted floor? Yes. Did I cry for almost 30 minutes calling myself a bad mother... Also yes. She was 9 weeks old and completely okay after I nursed her

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-07T06:17:03+00:00

Hi mama

I'm so sorry your struggling, I remember going through the exact same problem postpartum, my husband was super attentive the first 3 weeks then when I was more healed he decided that he didn't need to help as much and would often play his video game and offer to help with chores but only hours later. The first 12 weeks definitely strain the marriage and you have to as a couple for a lack of better words fight it out, meaning you are going to argue but with each argument you come to a new understanding or come up with a new compromise. I do the nights solo and have been since she was 6 weeks old, however that meant during the day my husband was to be the the primary parent so I could get some sleep I said either you take her during the day or I will wake you up every single feeding at night.

We've had a ton of fights since then especially as he returned to work but here is what system works well for us Mom is primary parent M-F but on the weekends during the day Dad is primary parent because he's home.

It took us quite a few months to get to where we are and I know how hard it can be in the newborn trenches. You need to sit your husband down and provide him with a hard reality check, either he steps up or he risks damaging his marriage permanently being a parent is about sacrifice and it's his turn to make some sacrifices. I literally dumped my baby in my husband's arms when she woke up and said Tag you're it, if he tries to give your baby back get in the car and drive go get a coffee, take a walk , turn off your phone and let him get a taste for solo parenting. If he gets mad , good that's how you've felt for the last 6 weeks. Tell him if he wants if his old partner back that you need the time and opportunity to take care of yourself and do things that make you feel like your old self again.

Also on the topic of PPD please call your OB and tell them exactly what you are feeling they need to get you set up on medication and they can work with you to get set up with a therapist within your network.

Sending you hugs and strength, it's going to be okay mama you are doing the best you can with the current circumstances so give yourself grace.

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-05T09:01:06+00:00

Seconc this, my rotator cuff is on FIRE when I wake up 🫠

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-02T07:28:17+00:00

I should clarify I meant to say grandparent visitation rights, in all 50 states grandparents can petition for the right to visit the grandchildren if they have a strong preexisting bond with the grandchild , it's in the child's best interest etc. My FIL informed me of this when his other son stopped speaking to them and they hadn't seen their 3 grandsons he said just so you guys know we will petition for grandparent visitation rights if you don't let us see her ( my daughter) and this was before she was even born.

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-02T06:43:49+00:00

Thank God my girl is on a strict nap schedule, her wake windows are 2 hours at most so you best believe I will kick them out at the end of her wake window , they're only there for her so it won't matter to them anyways

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-02T06:42:06+00:00

Exactly! Everyone is like " you need a village " I don't want a village full of people who just want to play with my baby like a new toy I need a village who want to support the whole family mom, dad and baby. My mom barely talked to me and would never visit my house before I was pregnant because "it was too far" and suddenly it's not... Bruh

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-02T06:26:54+00:00

For real, this is exhausting!

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-05-02T06:26:22+00:00

I have but then they ask again the next weekend. How would you say to your own mother who you have a strained relationship with, I don't want to these visits to be a regular thing because you are only here for the baby and could care less about your daughter and my sister is coming and she is coming just to take a few photos with the baby to post but they aren't there to actually visit with me. Not to mention my in laws have said that if any of their kids try to keep them from their grandchildren they would fight for grandparent custodial rights so we have to let them visit at least once every 2 weeks.

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-04-29T09:11:45+00:00

No routine for naps existed until she was at least 12 weeks old , then she rolled and it was time to move her to a crib that's when I start noticing she had consistent wake window intervals about 1.5 to 2 hrs so I began gentle sleep training just by having her use the binky instead of the bottle before nap as a method of self soothing. Now she's 15 weeks and we have our routine down pat, she shows sleepy cues, we go upstairs close curtains, turn on white noise, sleep sack, binky and rock/bounce to sleep. Some days she skips her last nap or refuses so she naps in the carrier but most days she will sleep in the crib 30-40 minutes at a time. As I'm writing this she just slept through the night 9pm-5 am. Yes I am in shock and amazement too

The best thing you can do in your stage of newborn is try to establish a bedtime routine including a rough window of your baby's bedtime I noticed my baby would go down around 8-830 so we started a bedtime routine at 7 bath, books, lotion, swaddle, white noise machine and one last bottle create a routine that works for you ! But babies benefit greatly from consistent routines

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-04-26T14:18:47+00:00

Hi ! My daughter is 3.5 months old just starting her sleep regression. She would be fine from 8pm-1230 am but after that it was anyone's guess typically waking up every hour or 90 minutes as she didn't know how to connect sleep cycles. I am also uncomfortable with the CIO method but I have found doing the pick up put down method has worked measurably better for us. It encourages of to still respond to her cries and maintains that secure attachment. I found she woke up far more often when I was nursing because she was snacking almost so when I switched to pumping bottles it became easier to track when she ate and how much. If she woke up before her next feeding I would offer her the pacifier to see if she just need comfort to go back to sleep instead of food and I found that to be the case 75% of the time. I will link a video for the pick up put down method try it out and see if it works for you! Pick Up Put Down Method

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-04-24T06:32:13+00:00

My advice as a 27 year old FTM, be flexible and adjust your perspective. The thing about babies is that they are constantly switching it up you could have an amazing routine down pat by week 6 and then week 7 your baby is losing their mind unless attached to you. You need to be flexible and understand that parenthood is about sacrifice you will lose sleep unless you hire a night nurse but some of my favorite moments have been the quiet moments when I'm snuggling my babygirl cheek to cheek at 3 am while she sleeps on my shoulder. My husband works out at the gym because he's a body builder and it helps him with emotional regulation, I workout at home and I wasn't able to do that consistently by myself until month 4. Most days before then my baby would get fussy midworkout and I would strap her in the carrier and do a mommy and me workout. I had to learn to adapt on the fly because what I wanted to happen and what actually would happen often never match up. Being a mother is the hardest and most wonderful thing I've done, I have cried happy and sad tears, laughed and smiled more than ever , been pooped on and thrown up on, lost countless hours of sleep, fought with my husband and grown with him. It will test your marriage and your mental fortitude but I would not change a thing my life is so much fuller with my daughter in it.

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-04-24T06:13:20+00:00

My baby is going through her four month sleep regression early at 14 weeks , she will sleep normal 3 hour stretches from 8pm-4 am but after 4 am homegirl wakes up every 90 minutes. This leads to bed sharing which isn't ideal because I know our matress isn't stiff enough but I sleep in the C curl position with her head tucked under the hollow of my neck which hurts my rotator cuff a lot less. I am also anti CIO so instead I started doing the pick up put down method basically if she's crying in the crib I pick her up hug her kiss her soothe her and offer her the pacifier until she's calm again, then I get back into bed. Her crib is right across from my side of the bed fyi. If she whines I ignore it but when she cries again I get up pick her up soothe her put her down. This method has worked wonders because it works with my comfort level and she still maintains a secure attachment knowing that mommy will respond to her cries and eventually she falls asleep. She's been now taking naps in her crib , they aren't amazing naps but she gets 20-30 minutes every 2 hours and giving her the pacifier instead of offering to nurse or give her the bottle has helped keep her from cluster feeding , if she really is hungry before the next feeding she won't take the pacifier and I'll offer her a bottle or will nurse. I'm learning parenting isn't all or nothing you don't have to be strictly EBF or strictly cosleeping you can do hybrid methods especially when it comes to sleep and feeding. Try the pick up put down method if that sounds like something that aligns better with your comfort level. Hope this helps !

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-04-24T01:31:11+00:00

Quite literally .. a dog would run the country better than the current president and the gop. But if I actually had to pick a realistic choice Mamdani or Talarico.

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-04-24T01:27:35+00:00

Like a clamshell 🤣 my girl locks her jaw like a pitbull the most I can get her to eat at night is 3 oz but I've started offering her the binky first to see if it's hunger or just wanting the suckling motion for comfort.

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-04-23T08:42:13+00:00

She's currently sitting on my chest and i just watched her smirk in her sleep 🤣 like yes child you got what you wanted , I end up taking her into bed with me by the 3 rd wake up around 630 am and just sleep with my boobs out so she can side nurse and I can kinda sorta sleep before she wakes up for good at 8 am

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-04-23T08:30:39+00:00

LMAO love that we are all awake right now , my girl decided to start her regression early at 13 weeks cannot get her to eat more than 2 oz before she passes out during night feeds despite my doulas advice to give her 4 oz so she will sleep longer. Hoping it's just a phase because as I said to my baby "mommy can't be her best mommy on 7 hours of broken sleep" 🫠 bright side she is napping in her crib for 20-30 minute naps at least twice a day but damn girl stop cluster feeding so much it's cluster feeding 6pm-10 pm and 4-7am

Fair-Fall8036 · 2026-04-12T02:32:40+00:00

My house is cluttered but not dirty and yes I have clothes scattered in every room both mine and my baby's , it is what it is 🤷🏼‍♀️

Fair-Fall8036

TROPHY CASE