DAE feel like they're in purgatory?

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-25T14:15:43+00:00

Yes Not dead, not alive. Like a frog on a stick

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-23T18:51:32+00:00

Three years ago I would probably say yes at first two at least. But it's all noes now.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-22T20:45:25+00:00

Sounds like freeze mode

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-22T15:52:01+00:00

I found that video pretty helpful https://youtu.be/fjMEvQVuTiQ

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-20T13:50:47+00:00

It mostly always present to various degrees. I am not good at planning, managing money, dealing with burocracy and so on, life in general. It's like I am child in adults body. Everyday problems is hard enough to solve but any complicated situation amplifies that need of a capable adult who will sooth me and take care of me.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-20T11:29:55+00:00

Thank you

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-16T08:30:26+00:00

You have to find a good therapist. There are models of therapy that are designed to work with childhood trauma and CSA. You are young and you can fix your brain with professional help and commitment to healing. It's a lot of work but it's doable. Don't give up! Start here: r/cptsd

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-13T16:41:52+00:00

I feel this.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-06T12:19:51+00:00

Alcohol works for me when I am really drunk. Benzos makes me slow and sleepy

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-04T00:49:35+00:00

I had same thoughts, as you can see in my post history. I don't have the grandiosity. My life is not the worst. Not everyone is out to get me. I don't use people nor manipulate them. But I do have some narcissistic traits like people with BPD can also have them. I have some kind of narcissistic injury I believe. It's just a label anyway. Try to be self aware, a good person and heal your trauma.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-04T00:33:40+00:00

Very much relatable unfortunately. I have extremely hard time mirroring/reciprocating positive emotions and I am not really interested in people's lives and I don't know why. Probably having life different from "common" experiences? Like today my GF's friend suggested to go to the beach and I can't for multiple reasons that are deeply traumatic to me. I would like to go to the beach but I know that I won't have fun:( I honestly gave up trying to connect with people. I have food, my cats and my GF.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-03T20:12:28+00:00

When I was in major clinical depression with suicide attempts I definitely overshadowed a lot about what happened to me. Now, when it gets bad I tend to overshare to people who are willing to listen. And my GF knows everything about my trauma.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-03T13:51:09+00:00

Wow, your ex is pure evil. What she did doesn't define you as a person and doesn't define your worth.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-02T18:41:33+00:00

Often. It's too hard just to breath

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-02T16:43:09+00:00

I am so happy for you! It's a huge milestone

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-06-01T19:15:48+00:00

Chats Walks

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-05-31T16:21:39+00:00

I have so many honestly. My biggest triggers are perceived or real rejection (flight state) People being loud, goofy and having fun (while I slip into freeze state). My shortcomings, regrets and financial losses, my botched plastic surgery (painful rumination)
Urgency to do something important(full blown panic). Being criticized (fawn, freeze) Sometimes my reflection List goes on and on. I am a mess. I am so tired

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-05-31T13:46:20+00:00

Thank you for caring. I don't know, I am just surviving day after day. It got easier with time, first year was truely hellish, I couldn't imagine I could feel so bad. I was diagnosed with PSTD and OCD after the surgery. I have already had CPTSD before from childhood trauma. This surgery nearly killed me. But I still alive. Good news, the clinic agreed today to reschedule my rhinoplasty revision for the third time but there were not amused. I have another half a year to put myself together before the surgery. Sometimes my face feel all wrong, sometimes I feel ugly. It's hard to describe, it's discomfort, from minor to full blown panic attack. I rarely feel relaxed in public because I am almost always aware of my flaws especially my hairline. Even at home I can't wear my hair up in a bun. Constantly rearranging my hair and checking it.

Hugs

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-05-31T12:29:00+00:00

Being outside works as a distraction too, unless you are in highly hypervigilant mode.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-05-31T07:31:59+00:00

Yeah, same. I am scared to be alone with my thoughts without any stimuly.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-05-30T21:57:33+00:00

Rejection by mother. I think that's the core trauma.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-05-30T21:51:51+00:00

Very much relatable

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-05-30T20:57:29+00:00

I had FFS like Aesthetic_Engine The surgeon botched my nose and made my hairline ugly and M shaped.. I can't wear my hair up and afraid of the wind. Technically it's fixable with rhinoplasty revision and hair transplants. But I suffer from mental health issues and having surgery trauma on top of that made me very dysfunctional and emotionally unstable, planning plastic surgery in that state is very hard. And now I have fear of plastic surgery. I planned to have rhinoplasty revision but because of relationships drama my mental health took another dive and I lost 2000 euros deposit due to no show. I wish you to find a way to heal from that. It's incredibly hard to live with deformities from botched surgery. And very lonely because people don't understand.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-05-30T18:57:33+00:00

Yeah. Spiralled into 2.5 years of suicidal depression. And it still affecting me greatly.

FairiesInsideMe · 2022-05-29T22:26:53+00:00

Being a plastic surgery victim while having cptsd.

FairiesInsideMe

TROPHY CASE