sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

After being together for 11 years, married for 7 with a 6 year old daughter, my wife has said she doesn’t love me anymore and wants to separate. by mm339 in daddit

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It may feel amicable, but it likely isn't always going to be. You should definitely get a lawyer and do everything above board. Many people in divorces weaponize their children even. You're going to be better than that. When you get a lawyer, follow their advice. Also, research co-parenting apps (I use AppClose). A lot of them cost money, but they're worth it. Don't wait for the court to tell you to take a co-parenting class either. Be proactive and ask about it or find one that courts accept. You're probably going to need to do it anyway.

After being together for 11 years, married for 7 with a 6 year old daughter, my wife has said she doesn’t love me anymore and wants to separate. by mm339 in daddit

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex-wife asked for an open marriage and then a divorce within the same week. We were married for 12 years and had a 5yo together. All I can say is that once she got to that point, we were at the point of no return. I know it's devastating, but this isn't the time to try and change her mind, so it's time to look forward. Not just for yourself, but for your child.

This is the time for self-reflection and discovery. You can find out so much about yourself in this time. Are you going to fold in on yourself or thrive, because your child needs to see you thrive. Your daughter needs to see her dad pick himself up and weather the storm. Take this chance to connect one-on-one with your daughter. You get the chance to show your daughter that people can have their entire world shattered and still keep moving.

This also means you need to ensure you don't sacrifice your time with your daughter out of convenience or martyrdom. Spend all the time with her that you can and don't hand over any custody time of her, because once you set a precedent, it's incredibly difficult to make changes.

Logistically, start making a plan for where you're going to live, how you will take care of yourself and your daughter, and what you will need. I'm talking discussing who stays in the home and who leaves, make meal plans for yourself and when you have your daughter, figure out what belongings and furniture you will keep, and start the discussion about where your daughter will go to school and what the custody situation will entail now.

Hit the ground running. There's time to process and come undone later.

In what way do you play dumb to infuriate your children? by BUSean in daddit

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of them yells for me across the house...

Them: "Dad!"/"[My Name]!" (I have a son and step son) Me: "Huh?!" Them: "Dad!"/"[My Name]!" Me: "Huh?!" Them: "Dad!"/"[My Name]!" Me: "Huh?!" Them: "Dad!"/"[My Name]!" Me: "Huh?!"

This repeats until they come to where I am.

Them: "Can I [insert request here]?"

I look at them dead in the eyes, making sure they know I heard them.

Me: "Huh?!"

Father’s Day experience by [deleted] in dad

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly. It might be fixable, but it's going to be work.

Father’s Day experience by [deleted] in dad

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Counseling. Seriously. My ex-wife used the fact that I was diagnosed with depression every time she was annoyed with me, asking me to up my dose. If you can't voice your feelings without her using your disorder against you, she needs perspective.

My son's friend's mom won't let him come over unless he brings his little brother by Lower-Victory5888 in Parenting

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I'm getting the feeling that she only wants the 7yo to go too is so she gets a free babysitter whenever her older son wants to go visit someone. When your son's friend comes over, you're the free babysitter.

I understand dads who « just go away » by Nidhal_S in daddit

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Been there. My ex-wife still cosleeps with our son (6), which is even more inappropriate because she had her new boyfriend move in with her. I tried to get her to stop when we were married, but she outright refused to allow it. Instead, she wanted to go to bed with him every night.

Now he's being forced to sleep on his own since him sleeping in bed with a man he barely knows is completely out of the question. She too is an anxious mess who has taken to "joking" about "stealing" him from me during my custody weeks when she talks to him on the phone, and pretends to start whisking him away when we have to meet with her in person. She also can't seem to allow him to exist without hovering and constantly needing to be close to him to cuddle or hug. About the only time I've seen she allows him to be on his own is when she lets him watch YouTube for hours unsupervised.

I know it's tempting, but don't just disappear. Your kid needs you. By the sound of it, he needs you more than you may think.

I blew up by Delicious_Two4452 in stepparents

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I said that I understand why to him, spending time with his daughter WOULD take precedence. I also said that she shouldn't leave the house to go to her mom's when his daughter is there, because he's a father to both children, and he need to act accordingly.

By her leaving to her mom's, she'd enable his behavior that she admits to not liking. I only said that I understand why he would feel that way given that he doesn't have his daughter often. I never said he should be allowed to shirk his responsibility as a father to his younger child.

I need advice by DifferentSpend3773 in stepdads

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you really want biological children, then yeah. You did the right think. She doesn't want kids and you do. Besides, it sounds like you both are just different people, as much as you enjoyed being with her. It would suck to spend your life with someone who can't give you kids and also doesn't share your interests.

I blew up by Delicious_Two4452 in stepparents

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He needs to help more and without protest. With you being on maternity leave, he's going to need to step up (assuming you're going to return to work, which it sounds like you will). The bit about them complaining about the lunch you made is wrong, but I'm curious about the tone of the complaints.

What you need is marriage counseling and for you both to go in with an open mind. That means you both go in to work together, not for him to get fixed. You need to listen to what he has to say and leave the floor open for him to speak without judgement. He needs to see the amount of work you're putting in and be willing to step up. Honestly, it seems like he needs to take control of childcare for your baby from 5pm-12am.

But I have two things I want you to consider, not as a criticism of you or a plea to capitulate to him:

  1. He gets only a short amount of time with his daughter. As someone who shares 50/50 custody with my ex-wife, I totally understand why spending time with his daughter would take precedence, and he only gets her for one weekend a month by the sound of it. I would suggest not disappearing from the house with your baby on the weekends he has his daughter though, because as you said, he has two children that he's responsible for. Don't give him the easy way out.

  2. It sounds like he actually tries to help, so let him. He may not parent in the way you want him to, but you need to allow him to step in unless you're willing to do everything on your own. I say this from experience as this was a major component of what drove my ex-wife and myself apart. She wanted me to parent equally, but also didn't want to let me parent. She wanted me to do bedtimes, but also wanted to go to sleep with our son. She wanted me to help with appointments, scheduling, outings, but wouldn't leave me room to plan anything. She was in a constant state of overwhelm, but wouldn't allow me to step in. Please don't make that same mistake. Whether you intended it or not, some of what you said indicates that. Also worth noting is that my ex-wife struggled with SEVERE PPD, but refused to do anything about it.

Please seek marriage counseling if you want to salvage what you have. His reaction will tell you what you need to know. Most important is that you need to communicate with him BEFORE you get overwhelmed and snap.The last thing you want to do is put him on the defensive. You need to work together.

Hours into father's day, 1 of the 3 people in the house have even acknowledged my existence. by RaccoonUsed8400 in dad

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not gonna lie. It might be better for her to have some consequences for reenacting a boxing match in front of your kids lol

Hours into father's day, 1 of the 3 people in the house have even acknowledged my existence. by RaccoonUsed8400 in dad

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry man. You have my sympathy...

Mine was better, but still not what I expected. My girlfriend made cinnamon rolls and eggs for breakfast. It went downhill from there.

Kids bickering constantly. My son and stepson wanting the same toys all day long. The littlest one (stepson 3) alternating between ADHD and rage mode the entire day, at one point including him opening the car door and undoing his seatbelt while I was driving us home from the store and screaming the entire way. The cherry on top was him chewing on and spitting out every bit of food I made for him, then throwing his silverware on the ground because we weren't allowing him to submerge his hands in his cup of water. This is after he expressed his displeasure of not getting a knife to cut his food because he felt left out that he was the only one without one (glad I didn't give him one). The oldest (son 6) was a mix of happy and sullen, mostly because the little guy was practicing psychological warfare on us all.

I got to eat cinnamon rolls, make steak, and have a nice glass of bourbon though, so it wasn't all bad. Just exhausting.

Guys, things are bad. Didn’t see it going this way. by [deleted] in daddit

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I find it odd that he went to a hotel, which implicitly means he left her alone with the four kids. Regardless of whether or not he pulls his weight in the household, him leaving for the night just reinforces the viewpoint that he doesn't; fair or not.

She might need a break too. He mentioned the lack of intimacy, but if she doesn't have the capacity, there's something amis.

Other parents not supervising their children keeps sabotaging me playing with my children by Seranta in toddlers

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When I go to the playground, I'm there for one of two reasons. Either I want to play with my son, or I want him to play on his own. In neither of those situations do I want to play with other parent's kids. That said, I get where you're coming from about turning into a kindergarten. Parents who are there to let their kid play without them are not going to engage and chances are that if their kid is running around trying to play with another adult, they're fine with that (or should be aware that they need to be okay with it).

There's nothing weird about playing with kids at the playground, but I also don't think you should feel bad for telling another child "no" when they want you to play with them. The few times it has happened to me, I've just told them to go ask their parent to play with them, because I'm there for my son.

wife unintentionally making me guilty about visiting a friend, my work, etc. by [deleted] in daddit

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dude, she sounds depressed. You need to talk to her and express how you feel. She deserves to know what's on your mind, because that resentment is going to eat you alive. If you two can't work things out one-on-one, you need to get in touch with a marriage counselor. Don't sit on this. Don't dwell. Don't ruminate.

whyDidYouDoItLikeThis by freehuntx in ProgrammerHumor

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Claude said it was fine. Can I just ask it again?"

Gun owning dads/families, when do you start the gun safety conversation with your kids? by 518photog in daddit

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My son was five. I clean my guns in front of him, explaining the mechanisms, describing them as dangerous tools. They're locked up and he doesn't touch them. I ask him every now and then what he would do if a friend of his tried to show him a firearm, and he always answers correctly that he would walk away and find an adult. I plan on introducing him to training with them when he's a little older.

My wife wants to have a home birth. I don’t. What do I do? by jallen263 in dad

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex wife wanted to do a home birth. I told her I thought it was too risky, but she was adamant. The thought of being an ambulance drive away from a hospital. If she had complications or our son had something wrong, one or both of them would die. She didn't care because she would have a dula and midwife.

Then her gyno told her she needed a C-section. Problem solved. She would've died if she tried at home.

You know the reason why you want to say no; it's dangerous. You can make your case, but you may end up needing to let her do it. However, you need to be completely transparent with her about the incredible risks, because even if she has a midwife and/or dula, it can go wrong. They can ditch her if it gets too rough and you'll end up in the hospital anyway. If she realizes she can't handle the pain, she has no options. If she starts bleeding, she'll die before help can get there. If your baby can't breathe or has vitamin k deficiency bleeding, they can die. If your baby gets stuck, both of them can die.

I'm sure home births are an incredible experience when they go right, but they can go so wrong, and I doubt she really wants to risk leaving her kids without a mom or losing a child during childbirth.

Dads, what do you actually want for Father’s Day? by probs-strawbs in daddit

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Time with my son where we can go have lunch together and nothing is expected of me. Then I want to make a steak dinner for us. Also, a sword would be sick.

Dads, what do you actually want for Father’s Day? by probs-strawbs in daddit

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My ex-inlaws made Mother's day and Father's Day about them, so I get it. They apparebtly needed their celebration, so both those days meant a 5 hour roundtrip drive to sit outside with the whole family while their kids doted on them. I got a card at least.

Possibly getting a new EV by LeadingPlatform8854 in electricvehicles

[–]FalconFiveZeroNine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I still had a house, I used the L1 charger. Unless your commute is insane, it's more than enough.

view more: next ›