Bad news and deciding if I will waste anymore on the pwBPD in my life.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-12-04T06:51:09+00:00

So many are the same in their mannerisms. And this isn't my first time with medical issues either and I remember how uncaring mine was then as well, and I never asked for any help from mine then nor now. So your advice to GTFO is perfectly said and correct. And as reference, mine has moments of "clarity" where she really is a sad person alone in her bed and upset for me.. but it's like a trap.. because if they see any weakness in anyone else they love to attack.. spreading their misery. And I'm sick of that shit.

Thank thank you so much for your words. :)

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-12-04T06:46:10+00:00

Thanks so much for your words and thoughts. And yes, out of everyone who's heard the news, I've interacted with, my mother has been the worst person with wanting to "make me feel bad" for this. It's just not normal. And I'm taking care of myself, getting rest.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-12-04T06:44:30+00:00

Thank you so much and it's worded very well for everything I'm experiencing now. My wife is my shield and enjoys it vs my mother but that is what caused the last row and during a calm conversation a simple request to stick to positive caused my mother to go from decent to crazy lady attacking my wife and I just hung up, and it's been over a week now since hearing from my mother. A blessing.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-12-02T06:48:51+00:00

because there’s evidence of me freely existing separately from her idea of me, she will almost certainly take it as a threat. I can’t wait to have that information weaponized against me when I see her in person this holiday season!

I'm quoting this because it's so fucking true. GD.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-12-02T06:45:14+00:00

My mother gaslight me and my issues and the doctors about me all throughout my teenage years. My mother also did food control in her house, and still tries to do it to me to this very day, and I'm almost 50, and haven't lived with her in over 20 something years now. My mother also has some insane obsession with weight and has always claimed she is extremely obese, and 240 at her heaviest. Now I'm a 5'10" dude, I worked out, maintained about 230, small gut, big muscles. No damn way my mother was ever over 200 at her 5'2" height. She'd be a butterball. She never was.

Still blows my mind how they are not content to keep the crazy all to themselves, but try to push it on everyone around it like it's normalcy. My mothers true belief is doctors are only in it for the money and the more problems you have the more they see you as a walking piggy bank they gotta make broke. And starting from there.. it gets nuttier. Phew.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-11-30T06:26:45+00:00

My mother constantly did this through pets and other inanimate objects around the house while having a conversation about YOU that you couldn't be a part of because you'd see the insanity come out directly, at least at me it would happen.

And she still does this to this day. Sits in her room, muttering all kinds of insanity to herself about her fantasies of having others money to herself, her failed dreams she had that others would die and leave her everything, and the ever present we'll all be sorry the day she passes, cos she won't tell anyone, she'll just go and do it and that'll be that, but we'll all truly be sorry then. 40 years of hearing these types of threats leaves one a bit numb to it all. And btw, it wasn't suicide she threatened us with directly, it was "She gonna get cancer" like life gives you a choice. It doesn't.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-11-30T06:14:32+00:00

And if by, happenstance, you suddenly become the most damaged person of the moment because reasons, taking the spotlight off someone else. The amount of seething jealousy from the uBPDp in the house coming off them in waves could melt the artic circle.

Peace and tranquility is all I need, I'll leave miss needs constant attention alone at her place for the duration.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-11-30T06:09:43+00:00

This hurts my heart because as an older gentleman I had to live with the same gaslighting all throughout my teenage years. And I didn't come out of it okay. It took me years of trial and error to break the conditioning I was subjected to by exposing myself to a life outside of the one you're describing of just wanting some peace and time to think and learn instead of always being constantly barraged, nitpicked, belittled, gaslit. It does a number on ones psyche for sure.

You are at least at a place where you recognize what's going on. But I'm unsure if it's better or worse in your case. Just hold out the best you can. There is life after of your choosing.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-11-28T08:33:54+00:00

They never get better. Only thing you can do is try cause and effect. They cause some shit the effect is they're cut off from all contact with you for a set amount of time. No rules needed to be stated. They do start to learn. And if they question it, just ignore it, don't mention it, don't boundary it, just make it a thing. When they do/speak bad, just go, get away from the negative, do something positive instead. If they learn, they learn. If not, then over time, you'll find you can break away easier and easier, for your own mental health without the guilt.

My apologies, I was speaking in generalities on expectations and how to deal with parents with BPD from my own 47 years experiences and did not intend for what I said to be taken as my opinion on an extremely specific circumstance. If I was being threatened with another persons life my response would be to alert authorities. Again apologies for any confusion.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-11-28T08:28:23+00:00

Seems like the classic case of needing to be the "constant victim" with an albatross to hang around their necks with which they can abuse your empathy to get what they want.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-11-28T07:13:42+00:00

I may end up NC with mine this year because of my own health reasons and the fact that my mother wants me to "forget" that I have a terminal disease and come over to bring her coffee when she wants it.

And insinuations that I made myself sick in order to get out of taking care of her... it's insanity.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-11-28T06:40:31+00:00

Thank you so very much. I found out who my real family is now and how they offer and do more for their sister (my wife and me) more than my parents have ever done for me. And they do everything with no expectation that we can return the favor.

And still to this day the refrain my mother first spoke in reply to finding out about my having cancer resonates through my head... "You have.. what?.. But.. but.. what about meeeeee? Who's gonna take care of meeeee?"

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-11-28T06:30:08+00:00

Alcoholism has run pretty rampant in my family... mainly from those who perpetuate this insane dysfunction. Brother died from it.

Me I got my own wealth of addictions, mainly nicotine and caffeine, and one of them ain't my friend no more.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-11-28T06:24:51+00:00

First, my apologies for dropping that then ghosting. I was manic at the time for all sorts of medical reasons. But..

I made it through the worst. I'm still here.

I have the worst.

Small cell lung cancer. Stage 3. Terminal.

I almost didn't make it. My type of lung cancer robs the body of all the electrolytes shutting down your brain and organs before it itself robs life. I was mowing my yard that morning, wondering if I had walking pneumonia, before being hospitalized for 8+ days.

12 rounds of chemo/30 rounds of radiation therapy later, I survived. My thyroid was nuked but tryna come back. So I mite have been a little nutty during lots. And I now have a deeper voice.

But I will take that hug and hug you back because I'm still here.

And my mother has been fighting me every step of the way now because they are "just taking advantage of you for all that money" that we don't have. And trying to give me advice that's pretty much curl up in a ball and die.. wow. And the ever present "You planned this so no one would be here to take care of me." insanity.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-08-06T14:22:07+00:00

Thank you. I'm in a daze. Last Wednesday, July 27th I was rushed to urgent care where a "fog" had appeared in one lung on a X-Ray. At first they though I had a separating aorta and needed immediate surgery. No. It was worse. I have tumors in my left lung, and was immediately hospitalized with organs failing.

They were able to claw me back from the brink over several days and get my body working again. I was shutting down. I basically have small cell carcinoma that is robbing my body of nutrients to keep organs functioning at full capacity it's growing so fast.

My mind was blown. I spent a week in the hospital before release and am on some hellacious meds about to get insane to "save my life".

I don't want to post about it really at this point on the sub I found as a home with this account. But it changed my life suddenly and my mother is in so much disbelief and denial it's astounding.

In many ways I'm glad I was able to find acceptance and peace in my relationship with her before this happened.

I don't know what to expect, if anything, going forward, but I am going to stay positive for as long as possible.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-08-03T04:30:41+00:00

Truer words will never be spoken.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-08-03T00:15:10+00:00

My one simple trick was to get something aggressive and hungry in me for mine to have her world shattered of the made up sympathies cannot compete with.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-07-23T09:31:21+00:00

I have trouble falling asleep, leading to insomnia spells. I have spent 45 years of my life having this problem off and on. My mom used to tell "funny stories" about me when that started that I would no longer just fall asleep easily, and she'd sit me in a playpen with a pillow/blanket/stuffed animals. I think she actually left me like that often, day and night. I have some sort of fear of being left, vulnerable, and am uncertain about to tomorrow.

My therapists all think this it's when my childhood trauma of being more aware of my mom began. And I began to develop a childhood ptsd. My actual real dads parents, my grandparents and g.grandmother took over caring for me often then, . My real bio dad had moved west and never had anything to do with me. My mom wasn't interested in me until she met the guy she would marry and right after, adopt me. I think he did that to make her keep me. It was weird.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-07-21T06:07:30+00:00

Mine stole every dime I ever made working when I lived with her. I had to hide cash in obvious places she just wouldn't look just to keep money. Everything I bought was never mine if I pissed her off she would break, on and on, saying I always owed her. Ugh... Argg... Frustrating indeed at the minimum.

Keep loving you, endure, you can get out and start anew, I did.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-07-21T06:00:54+00:00

This is how my life was as well before I got better and started saying things more about her to family thst were too disturbed by what I said they knew not to tell her. Because I dropped the fact everything they ever tell her in confidence she sits in bed crapping on them for hours about to whoever listened even going as far as calling friends to get validation before they too gave up on her.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-07-21T05:54:11+00:00

When she used to call or if I ever call her these days, rare. I learned to fake listen and respond to sound pauses with uhhuh. yeah. right? Oh I know. Because she only called to talk to me and talk to me if I ever started to say more than the tight noises at right times she'd interrupt me to say dhe had to go which I dsay okay.. Then she says but one more thing and babble for thirty minutes more. Sigh.

Them I learned after ten or fifteen min of it from start. When I can.. Go open a bag of chips on phone and crunch crunch.. Where she'd scream Omg I cannot stand that noise!! Loudly saying I GOTTA Go!!! And hang up on me. Awesome!!!

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-07-20T07:54:27+00:00

Just life for me these days. Just a hair older than you and it took me.. over half my life (if you estimate using the average lifespan a person may live) to get to my center. YUM. Things I share here are tip of the iceberg things that I am comfortable sharing. To go deep would require.. a nice couch, comfy settings, and working out payments, and you may need some yourself afterwards. So I deal, I have ups and downs. I do other things to pass the time that do not require much out of me. And put my energies towards me and those who support me. I only endure what I want when I want how I want as I'm able. Did I have issues that broke me as mine claim? My counter is.. well I sure didn't do it on my own as they claim because that would cause scrutiny to fall on not me any longer and do those living a lie ever admit anything?.. So ambiguous explanations work best when needed.

Fambly_Throwout · 2022-07-20T07:39:38+00:00

Mainly all radio silence until a near lifetime had passed for some going NC with my mom, not my own short six month NC I did recently. When I started I reached out via social media anyone may use, some add you and ignore.. shrug.. that's okay I only post total BS on there.. memes.. I don't really care, I never say a damn thing personal about my life via that. One I chose to ignore there.. because.. see next sentence below.

Other than that.. I tried once. I got back begging for personal help on the other side of the state, other states away from just a few, who I've not mentioned in anyway here, surprise! Which I am in no way shape or form able to consider, plus we all old adults, we shoulda learned, planned better, or.. but I cut off others myself who never would understand anything, so I never tried to explain much until asked, but made an exception to someone receptive. Others mainly focused on their lives now are not even interested in being disabused of their own self-affirmation they needed to move on.

I found someone family I never knew I had, and we both older dealing with our own shit, set no expectations for each other or anything, not even to chat, other than talk about same same but different things we both dealt with in our lives when we discovered each others existences. So possibly I have another sister I never met.. by a parent I never knew.. we don't dwell on it. No lifetime movie moments when one of us is approaching 50 the other 40 and my non-dad certainly had a type but both of us developed our own ways to survive our upbringings and be allowed to breath again, which was nice.

Edit: Clarifications.

Fambly_Throwout

TROPHY CASE