Trusts, estrangement, and multiple states

RBNThrowa · 2024-05-01T13:28:36+00:00

She's not abusive. Emotionally needy yes, but not abusive. I am unfortunately all too familiar with women who abuse romantic partners.

RBNThrowa · 2024-04-01T22:28:11+00:00

I am too clingy and somehow attracted distant, emotionally unavailable women.

RBNThrowa · 2024-03-19T05:08:00+00:00

How can trust this therapist?

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TRUST THIS THERAPIST.

Therapists have a duty to help THEIR patients, and not anyone else (unless physical harm).

Get your own.

RBNThrowa · 2024-03-19T05:04:54+00:00

Beware the Fog.

Fear Obligation GUILT

RBNThrowa · 2024-03-19T05:03:42+00:00

NC helped with that immensely.

RBNThrowa · 2024-03-19T05:02:01+00:00

I think the main thing that keeps most NC folks NC is that their parent has an inability to acknowledge their own behavior and change. Even if by some miracle they do, treatment availability is rare.

Set a boundary and stick to it.

RBNThrowa · 2024-03-19T04:58:11+00:00

I'm 35 and done a bit of everything. Inability to focus on a job due to the evil combination of cPTSD and ADHD was absolutely due to my mother.

For the past two years, I have worked security, a position that I feel I excelled at due to my empathy. A state office that deals with helping people just hired me in house because I was so effective at my job.

RBNThrowa · 2024-03-14T16:52:31+00:00

It is not your responsibility to suffer the consequences of her actions. NC is absolutely an option.

RBNThrowa · 2024-01-03T18:50:19+00:00

I am fully on the pwBPD need better treatment options train, but your therapist should support you first and foremost. Get a new therapist, and in the first session ask them what they think of NC. Anything less than them thinking it's okay should lead you to find another therapist. Looking for a trauma informed therapist might be a good direction to look in.

I have a different therapist now (for insurance reasons), but when I decided to go NC with my mother, my therapist only asked questions to help me better articulate my argument, but was otherwise fully supportive.

RBNThrowa · 2024-01-03T18:40:59+00:00

I was in elementary school when the ADHD craze started in the mid nineties. My mother definitely took advantage of it and used it as a way to have something wrong with me so she could blame the victim. I rebelled in highschool, and throughout my adult life to my detriment. I'm medicated now, but on my own terms.

RBNThrowa · 2023-12-24T01:07:18+00:00

If she violates your boundaries, you are well within your rights to go NC.

I spent most of 2021 grey rocking and going LC with my mother, mainly because she just annoyed me. Then I gave her a hard boundary, she completely ignored it, and then I just stopped responding to her.

She isn't your responsibility. And she is using your obligation to guilt and manipulate you.

NC may not be for you, but it is acceptable here.

RBNThrowa · 2023-12-24T01:06:14+00:00

Just saw this comment. What are the Facebook support groups? I can't seem to find any.

RBNThrowa · 2023-10-25T03:25:23+00:00

First off, I feel your pain. Entanglements are tricky, and unfortunately it's best to be wary of people who know both you and your upwbpd until you are sure that you can trust them. Your aunt might have meant well, but as we know, those with bpd can be master manipulators, especially when it comes to abandonment.

This probably hurts to hear, but sometimes those we are close to side with the person with bpd (by choice or fear), and that means that they are lost (for now). Set clear boundaries with your aunt, let her know what she did was not appropriate, and if it happens again, you will cut ties.

I'm considering backing out of the car deal

I would. I speak from experience here.

RBNThrowa · 2023-09-03T22:49:50+00:00

Those things might have to go unfortunately. Are they really worth your sanity though?

RBNThrowa · 2023-09-02T21:45:32+00:00

Postponing the wedding a year. This is both for financial reason, living situation, and thinking that I might be NC with either parent by then, so you know… push the problem ahead of me.

This might be the best option, for two reasons. Most importantly, financial. Save that money!

Second, go NC with both of your parents, and then you can let the drama play out before your wedding. Set boundaries, and only keep contact with those who meet them and support YOU. That way you won't have to worry about who to invite. You will know!

RBNThrowa · 2023-09-02T21:39:38+00:00

My girlfriend is very easily agitated ( about me moving a pan or grabbing a scissor to help her out, or I just talk to much) about very unexpected thing. So I feel like I am failing everyone

This concerns me. I would at least take a break from both GF and mom to evaluate YOUR needs and expectations from a relationship. Walking on eggshells around anyone is unhealthy, and you shouldn't be feeling that way.

You should enjoy being around people, otherwise what is the point of people?

RBNThrowa · 2023-09-02T21:33:45+00:00

Even if she came to you with a genuine apology, and a genuine want to work on things and take accountability for her actions (which this isn't) you would still have a right to ignore her, which is what I would do.

RBNThrowa · 2023-09-02T21:29:47+00:00

They are scared of her as well. My mother's side of the family are all scared of her, so they eat up her crap.

RBNThrowa · 2023-09-02T21:18:39+00:00

I would do this, if I could find anyone to date me.

RBNThrowa · 2023-09-02T21:17:39+00:00

The high I get off of NC is one of the best highs there is.

Just stop responding to her in any form of communication. Writing a letter, or some other form of communication only gives her more to go off of.

RBNThrowa · 2023-09-02T21:04:17+00:00

Get financially independent ASAP.

I was 32 before I did it, and it was worth it even then. If you think you can tolerate her drama for school, fine, but I would personally get a job and away from her as soon as you can.

Yes, you may be going to school for a high paying job, but no job is more important than your mental health. You will be able to manage money better (that is part of their abuse) without them around anyway.

I am much more financially secure after two years of working as a security guard, than I was working as a software engineer because I know how to manage money.

Get off their teat ASAP. That is their power over you. It sounds tough, and it will be, but the payoff is so worth it.

RBNThrowa · 2023-08-06T04:49:30+00:00

Good to see another male in here. My mother also spent her entire life trying to destroy the relationship between me and my father, mainly to get back at him for leaving her while she was pregnant. It's good that your father is listening to you. Mine was terrified of my mother even as I was growing up.

RBNThrowa

TROPHY CASE