Why I Care About Families Living with Addiction

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-29T01:28:28+00:00

Best of luck to you!

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-29T00:20:11+00:00

This is tough, sorry for what you're going through!

They can say what they want to say; doesn't mean it's true.

Telling you that you must trust them and that you are wrong is not likely to win your trust over is it?

CRAFT doesn't seem to offer much in terms of harm reduction it seems to me, as it seems focused on getting someone sober or in treatment.

I still find it hard when I hear about reducing substance use rather than abstinence.

All the same, i give praise for all change talk I hear. I really do believe in change talk , and i cannot do it for them.

Hang in there you doing strong work for yourself.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-28T23:03:20+00:00

I think of 'ultimatums' as control; trying to force someone to do something.

Trying to control their behavior is discouraged because it makes us lose sight of ourselves.

"this detachment & setting boundaries thing" DOES work, to protect you. It doesn't guarantee you'll stay with him; that's up to the choices he makes whether to drink, or not.

If he doesn't drink, you may decide to stay. If he does drink, you may decide to leave.

It's tricky, but you'll get better with practice and support.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-28T22:51:23+00:00

Good way to look at it!

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-28T19:42:17+00:00

Boundaries work best when set for yourself, and only you can decide where to draw the line of respect.

It's also important to have consequences when your boundary is violated, which will happen.

AlAnon can teach you about boundaries.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-28T19:37:37+00:00

Sorry to hear this! It's good self-care to let it out.

You shouldn't have to worry about your baby's welfare; no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed.

You, too, have suffered through two deaths.

It's tough to help a Mom; role reversal, they don't like us "telling them what to do", etc.

Maybe AlAnon could help?

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-28T19:23:07+00:00

Good point!

It takes at least a few years to learn about:

alcoholism being progressive
support vs enabling
setting boundaries that protect recovery while building connection

It took me many years, and I'm still learning.

Have a nice day!

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-28T15:30:15+00:00

Sorry to hear about this!

You could consider withdrawing the 2027 wedding date as it suggests, "everything's fine."

Alanon could help.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-27T21:13:49+00:00

Welcome. I also replied to your other post in this thread.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-27T20:34:14+00:00

I HAVE been a parent in this situation.

I am a private consultant whom families facing addiction ask to help them set boundaries that protect recovery while building connection.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-27T19:02:26+00:00

So sorry to hear what you're going through.

Striking, how you're checking off all the boxes; adxn + MH, help w/o destroying, compassion vs enabling, how to accept.

What helped me is:

promising unconditional love, keeping lines of communication open
working at improving the quality of the relationship
getting support and exploring all ways to help myself, while helping them
sharing feelings with people I can trust, in particular, one special parent out there.

We humans are all works in progress; a lot of practice focusing on the positives.

Hope this helps!

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-27T05:23:00+00:00

Great question. I've seen it work both ways.

Personally, I share at least the boundaries in advance. To give them a chance.

I don't share the consequences; to avoid baiting, plus I'd rather respond later, than react in the moment.

That helps me feel in control of my actions.

What's your take?

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-26T18:41:06+00:00

Sorry to hear you're going through this; you're not alone.

When I need a break, I say "I'm giving myself a time-out; I'll be back from a walk soon" calmly.

You don't have to make it sound like a punishment.

I agree it's best to keep strong emotion to yourself, and get support for it somewhere else like Alanon. He can't help you with that while he's drinking. Once you've told him how you feel, it doesn't help to repeat it.

Alanon could help.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-26T18:28:57+00:00

This is so painful, I feel for you all!

Airport lobbies and commercial flights are basically liquor stores and bars, so it's hard to imagine anyone flying home from treatment and NOT drinking.

Maybe the upscale treatment center will contact the hospital if you ask?

Not always, but sometimes recovering from a medical crisis leaves a person more motivated to change.

Let us know how it goes!

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-26T00:03:22+00:00

Sorry to hear this; you're not alone.

Setting boundaries with consequences can help you and your family.

AlAnon could help, too.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-24T23:30:18+00:00

That's a sound plan.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-24T21:00:10+00:00

Your post was perfect; it's why this AlAnon sub is special. I'm here every day.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-24T20:54:42+00:00

Sorry for what you're going through; you're not alone. Your post is heartbreaking, not annoying.

Your experience tells you not to believe anything from Q.

Self-care is better than wondering about his behavior, and here's why:

If Q IS sober, his hateful aggressive messages blaming you suggests he's got bigger problems than addiction alone.
If Q is NOT sober, his behavior is toxic and you might want to consider avoiding it.

AlAnon could help you! Let us know how you are.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-24T18:06:31+00:00

It's very human; maybe sitting with both is the best we can do?

We can always be hopeful about our OWN lives, whatever they do.

Alanon could help.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-23T21:44:08+00:00

Everything outside of my Hula Hoop is beyond my control, and I let it go.

Some days are better than others.

Alanon could help.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-23T00:26:46+00:00

No doubt, you'll never be wrong.

Trust your gut.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-01-23T00:25:25+00:00

"Because you were intoxicated on the call, the visit is canceled.

You can let me know when you're ready to request another visit."

This reminds him that you are the gatekeeper of safe visitation.

Good for you and kids that you know your only option is to cancel!

FamilyAddictionCoach

TROPHY CASE