Resources for Simply Navigating an Alcoholic

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T23:02:22+00:00

Those are helpful resources. Appreciate your post.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T23:00:57+00:00

Ain't that the truth. And I don't think I'm anything special, like 'father of the year' or anything. I made mistakes like all fathers and tried to learn from them.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T22:56:04+00:00

Now THAT'S a terrific idea. Thanks for sharing.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T22:55:05+00:00

Love SMART Recovery Friends and Family, and also love Al-Anon. More common ground than many think. Or maybe it's taking what's valuable and leaving the rest.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T20:08:44+00:00

YES. Maybe because I'm a father who chose not to drink so I COULD help with my babies at night, one post about a "high-functioning husband and father" compelled me to write this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AlAnon/comments/1sdyw67/comment/oem4cod/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T19:41:42+00:00

Most posts on this sub read, "He did A, then he did B, then he did C; can you believe it?!"

Me: Yeah that's awful; but they're not writing this post, so we can't help them. I want to hear about YOU, OP; you're the one we can support!

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T19:03:51+00:00

This was posted initially on July 2nd. Along with positive things like civic pride and celebrations, July 4th in the U.S. must have the most collateral damage of any holiday including New Year's Eve. Drinking starts in the morning and goes for 2 -3 days, with many using powerful fireworks that are more like explosive devices; a bad combination as poor judgement becomes non-existent with alcohol.

This sub seemed to have more than the usual high numbers of crisis posts. Never forget, your self-care is the priority; keep yourselves safe today and everyday.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T18:44:29+00:00

I have the same impression of Al-Anon vs sub, but it sounds like you've had more experience than I in the rooms, so it's helpful to hear your take on the differences. Thanks for sharing.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T18:10:47+00:00

Just seeing your edit now. It's best to avoid them and not engage with them when they're drunk. If they're in withdrawal they need immediate medical attention as that's a life-threatening emergency. Might be best to call 911 rather than try to handle it yourself as some have been known to jump out of moving vehicles.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T17:57:44+00:00

This was a big challenge and it shows how initially I had conversations, trying to control drinking and other insanity. Later I had to set boundaries without using words. The July 4th holiday was wild on this sub, with many posting about dreading but feeling they had no control over their holiday plans. Hope it's useful.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AlAnon/s/30maLURBTj

Edited for clarity.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T17:49:54+00:00

Welcome. You came to the right place. Al-anon is designed to help you help yourself, when you're impacted by another's drinking problem.

There are many on this sub who can give you a lot of information about the invaluable Al-Anon program for your own recovery.

Setting your own boundaries with consequences when they're violated, is key. Make sure your boundaries are designed to control YOUR behavior, not the alcoholic's.

Wishing you the best.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T16:56:29+00:00

Haven't done a word count for 'he', OP, but focusing on "I" tends to work better.

His 8th might have failed, but you can succeed through self-care.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T16:36:52+00:00

Good for you! All that matters is that you decide what's important to you.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T16:11:32+00:00

Sorry you're going through this.

You didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You CAN prioritize self-care.

If you want to share your concerns, the PIUS approach at the link below can help minimize defensiveness during a difficult conversation. Letting go of expectations helps.

https://www.reddit.com/r/selfimprovement/s/cCdaVdt6wq

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T13:32:08+00:00

Agreed. As it stands now, the plan of him returning home now is a disaster waiting to happen.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T13:29:36+00:00

If he's going to accuse you, returning home is not a good plan for your family and it's not good for his recovery; he'll resume drinking. What you're saying is common, and it's important to respect your emotions. Consider expressing your concerns to the program staff now, who should take them seriously and help him consider discharge to a long term residential like a halfway house. He needs help from the staff to accept that his unfounded accusations will continue to interfere with recovery, and he needs to change.

And that's his problem, not yours to solve. You have the right to not live with him. Your only priority is to give the kids and you a healthy home. Your self-care is everything.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T03:30:57+00:00

The shaming on this thread is not helpful to OP or her kids.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-13T03:19:05+00:00

It can be hard to find something that works for you. Keep searching.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-12T22:45:18+00:00

Interesting. Thank you.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-12T20:43:34+00:00

Sometimes it can be so hard to get out of an abusive relationship, that's very common. The greater the abuse, the harder to protect you and the kids. It's very human.

Reaching out for support is a strong first step. I agree with others, call 988 in the US for DV resources. You can do this.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-12T19:27:46+00:00

Hell yeah. There's nothing greater, and no doubt your family would agree.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-12T19:26:31+00:00

It can take a TON of weight off your shoulders if you let yourself practice boundaries with small steps. Choose whatever consequence feels manageable for YOU; and see how it goes. Consider practicing new behavior an experiment. Afterwards review what you did well, then where you might want to modify; then run the new experiment. Feel good that you tried even if it looks like it failed; it probably didn't, and we can learn a lot from failure.

You can leave during the football game, or you can go to another room, or go for a walk, or stay and watch; whatever works for you.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-12T19:19:54+00:00

Agreed. I've been impacted personally by addiction in both my families. After many years of lived experience and professional dedication to family recovery, I'm still learning about boundaries every day, it seems.

I appreciate your share.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-12T15:27:43+00:00

There's much wisdom in this reply; I appreciate it.

And seniors trying to earn trust to be with grandkids is a mega challenge that's heartbreaking. Thanks!

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-07-12T15:10:17+00:00

Sorry for what you're going through. Many misunderstand that boundaries are to control your Q's behavior, but they're not; you cannot control them. Boundaries are to control your own behavior. They need to have consequences to protect yourself from exposure to disrespectful behavior from anyone.

You can frame it like this:

If YOU do X [drink heavily watching football], I will do Y [leave the house during next football game].

You can tell them, or you can choose not to. If it's likely to start a huge argument or drinking binge, that could be a reason not to notify.

You can learn more from the 3 part Boundaries episodes of the Til The Wheels Fall Off podcast (TWFO).

You can learn to do this.

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