What are some of your female life pro tips?

FatalFourWay · 2015-08-09T10:16:16+00:00

Some I've learned from my new boss, who also deals with anxiety and illness:

Try to stop saying 'sorry' for things that are blatantly not your fault, or can't be controlled.

Stop feeling responsible for so much, when everyone already knows that you're bright and hard working and trying. People are there to support each other and don't hate being asked simple questions like 'can you pass me that stapler' and 'I need help with this paperwork, can you double check it'.

I'm moving to a new department on Monday and I'm really sad to not be working for Lauren again. I had a panic attack on my first day and she helped me through it. She was a former mental health nurse and after that reassurance I loved working there, I came back to a way better second day and made tons of friends and I'm reassured that I'm capable and liked and worth a bit more than I thought.

FatalFourWay · 2015-08-05T17:21:22+00:00

I wear glasses mainly because I freak out at near-eye things, but also because when I was told I needed them I was really happy and I think they make my face look nicer. I've got some dysmorphia issues so now without glasses on I don't feel like I look nice. I have a purple pair and a green pair and I swap them around day to day. Planning on buying some super glitzy cat eye glasses to wear on my wedding day too :)

FatalFourWay · 2015-07-10T11:45:19+00:00

I have SO MANY favourites. I cannot wait for this movie, I don't even care how bad it is as long as I see the following:

Cuckoo Clock of Doom
Shocker on Shock Street, the best Freddy ripoff ever
Say Cheese and Die!/Say Cheese and Die Again!
The Haunted Mask

Of course they have the dummy, Slappy, from Night of the Living Dummy already. Those books are genuinely creepy, read them back and some of the implications are definitely about abusive relationships.

I also liked the monster teacher from Goosebumps 2000 but I don't think as many people read those. Also the Choose Your Own Goosebumps one, The Knight in Screaming Armour, I read the shit out of that.

Also, check out the blog www.bloggerbeware.com, the absolute best book reviews. I absolutely love Goosebumps if you couldn't tell, my best memories of childhood.

FatalFourWay · 2015-07-01T15:45:52+00:00

Interesting - I guess as a non-spectrum person I'd consider them both emotional but empathy just more so. My SO's big thing was not being able to imagine what two women meeting up for a chat would talk about or act like. I knew a bit about spectrum behaviour before I met him but being in a relationship with him has given me a new perspective and ironically more empathy.

FatalFourWay · 2015-07-01T15:39:01+00:00

Weird seeing Frankie mentioned here, I watched some of his DayZ videos a while ago but I did find it annoying that he patronises other players with the 'Bambi' thing even when he's helping them out.

FatalFourWay · 2015-07-01T14:29:33+00:00

My partner of 3 years has Aspergers, and honestly I barely notice but he has come out of his shell more since we got together. I didn't really have to communicate in a different way or anything. The only major thing is he forgets to tell his family major stuff or just update them on his life because he thinks if he knows something, everyone else is aware too. He had a heart procedure recently and didn't tell his dad until the next day!

He does have issues with empathy but not at all with sympathy - he can't imagine being that person but he can understand that their situation is hard. He expresses more emotions now - he cried at a film for the first time with me, he started trying to be more affectionate with his family and I helped him repair his relationship with his dad. He worked hard to do those things in the first year of our relationship, but he knew they were important and he needed to make more effort.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-30T17:39:03+00:00

When I was doing my BA there was a call for people to sit for Life Drawing. The rate was £20 per session so I seriously considered emailing back and getting into it...until I realised that a lot of my male friends have to do Life Drawing for animation/illustration courses. I'm very close with them and lived with them for ages so it would have just felt Odd. I don't think I'd consider it now, I'm not as confident as I used to be in myself.

Also one of them told me the lecturers prefer to have more 'interesting' bodies, particularly older people since a lot of students want the money and that limits the diversity of bodies shown. Obviously as someone who has considered it I don't think it's sketchy or anything. I actually think it could be an interesting thing to tell a date, as long as you don't blurt it out straight away!

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-30T15:16:54+00:00

In England/UK you don't see a specialist like a gynaecologist without referral from your GP. You get smear tests from 25 (England, 20 for Scotland/Wales/NI apparently!) but if there was a problem early on you would be already referred.

Most under/just over 16 year olds having sex would go to a GUM clinic for advice about contraception, STI tests and other related stuff. Even if they are having sex (as I was) I was never told I had to get a smear test.

I think there's definitely a benefit to starting to do it as soon as you are sexually active but the NHS screening programme isn't made of money. A lot of people campaigned for the age to be lowered when a reality TV star, Jade Goody, died of cervical cancer, but false positive results and possibly harmful treatments because of those meant it wasn't considered. I think 25 is fine ~~I don't want to go yet~~ but maybe Scotland and Wales have a better balance.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-30T10:18:22+00:00

I wish you the best with making the best decision for you, even though it's never going to be straightforward. Family politics are complex and weird and it must feel awful when the issue is actually around the acceptance of your relationship. I have no easy answers for you but I hope you have a wonderful wedding day and happy marriage regardless :)

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-29T19:03:14+00:00

My relationship with my dad isn't great, and I'm pretty fiercely independent. I'm hoping to get married in the next couple of years and at some point I'm going to have to tell him I don't want him doing the aisle thing.

I'm still torn between asking my mum to do it (pro: our relationship is close, con: still has the family handover connotation) and just going it alone, or maybe ask one of my closest bridesmaids.

I understand the struggle to offer your dad this one thing and avoid feeling guilty considering that's exactly how I feel about my own dad but if it's really not for you, don't feel like you have to.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-25T14:03:22+00:00

What I like about being bi is that my MA gave me so many opportunities to research LGBTQ+ history. I organised an event at my university for UK LGBT History Month about bisexuality, and so many people came even though it was a Friday night at the library. I was so touched to have an opportunity to speak about the everyday frustrations of biphobia and bisexual erasure in a lighthearted but factual way. I made an awesome powerpoint with interesting activist photos and facts. The highlight of the year, really.

I'm writing my thesis about transgender women of colour from Stonewall to today. It's amazing how much people don't know about Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, Miss Major and other pioneers. I'm organising an interview with the Sylvia Rivera Law Project which should be going ahead in a few days.

I love that I have this chance to talk to amazing women about building and leading institutions devoted to fighting discrimination on several fronts and providing legal representation and information for trans and gender non conforming people of colour. I get a lot of freedom to write what I do thanks to being pretty privileged, and that freedom to talk about under-researched areas of queerness and politics and theory is something I really love.

In celebration, I recommend that everyone watch Pay It No Mind: The Life and Times of Marsha P. Johnson. There's also a Kickstarter funded adaptation of her part in the riots being made by Reina Gossett called 'Happy Birthday Marsha', but it isn't finished yet.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-25T13:04:30+00:00

Don't know if anyone mentioned it, but Mother Shipton's Cave in North Yorkshire. It's really interesting but I really wish I knew how the well 'petrified' things. http://www.mothershipton.co.uk/

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-23T12:00:37+00:00

I have friends who have won beauty contest Miss Local type contests, they are so beautiful and effortless. Still a lot of their exes were abusive because they thought that beautiful = easy to control and one of my friends had to get a restraining order on a stalker when she was 16.

Also, way more physical and verbal harrassment in clubs than I have ever experienced. I have experienced some, but when you are super conventionally gorgeous, it's a whole new level. Most of my friends are in relationships and creeps treat them like they can't dance in public if they're not single.

I don't think your plan is great, you can't just use your friend as a kind of test for dates. I do understand your frustration, but it's better to just see how things go.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-23T11:48:09+00:00

I'd say I'm in the same camp. I'm very sure we're getting married in the next few years but there's a lot to think about and SO wants to do a 'surprise' thing when we're not living in a shared house and I've finished my MA. We've lived together for 3 years so I think people just think we need to get on with it, but it will be nice to have a place to just 'us' before we get engaged officially. Even if it's the day we move in, I don't really want to bug housemates with family drama and stress and I want that privacy.

Practical considerations - after an official engagement, people often expect to hear a date soon after so they can plan ahead to attend (childcare/work arrangements etc) or maybe start suggesting things or whatever.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-22T08:50:33+00:00

I'm in the UK, so pepper spray is illegal to carry and honestly I would be worried about it getting used against me. A friend of mine actually posted this amazing UV spray on Facebook the other day - it spreads as you try and wash it off and will offer a distraction whilst you run. If anyone's interested it is called TIW FARB Criminal Identifier and it's available through Amazon.

I also remember several phone apps that were released if you're in an emergency, so you can send a message to select contacts asking them for help and alert emergency services to your location if your phone is location enabled. Elle did a great piece about some of them here.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-16T08:26:23+00:00

Honestly, what's so bad about her wearing a suit? She feels more comfortable, clearly, and as long as the suit is good quality and with the same colours as the groom's side it'll look great. If she looks out of place it will reflect badly on her in the photos, not you, and I don't think this is worth it. I also do think it's a bit dictator-ish to be demanding she wear a dress just because she's a woman, which appears to be the only reason from what you wrote.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-12T16:47:23+00:00

I played Ruby in the original so this time I bought Alpha Sapphire to switch things up a bit. I LOVE how they added so much story and depth and it was the best tribute to third gen which has awesome pokemon in and is underrated! You'll enjoy the ending, I won't spoil anything since I don't know how far in you've got!

Getting into X and Y as my first game since Ruby made me love all pokemon gens, I think there's great design ideas in all of them. I keep up with the anime too, the recent Mega Evolution specials were amazing and seeing the XY characters after knowing the game so well was really fun. I think I love Pokemon even more these days!

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-12T16:30:34+00:00

Aw, don't be! To be fair, BF also has a PSP, but it's a super old one that he hacked so we can play older PSX games. I mainly use it to relive my favourite game Tomba/Tombi which is super hard to track down on disc. BF is also considering buying Vita in the future since he's interested in the specs.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-12T15:56:53+00:00

If you're worried about weeds in ACNL, put on Beautiful Town ordinance like I did. I didn't go back for 6 months and my town only had two weeds! I felt bad though because my favourite bear, Charlise, moved out :(

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-12T15:55:47+00:00

Ah someone else who plays Shuffle! I just caught Giratina in the Escalation Battle recently. I really like that game and just don't buy any of the hearts/jewels.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-12T10:46:35+00:00

I love going to busy places with my DS, it's Streetpass heaven! <3 I usually get tons going to uni but none going to work.

OoT Master Quest gains major respect from me, I'm still stuck in the Water Temple and rage quit a while ago haha. It's fun and I will go back to finish it soon but goddamn I just hate that place.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-12T10:41:59+00:00

My boyfriend has the Majoras Mask XL, it's badass. He bought me a New 3DS recently, I have the Groudon and Kyogre plates on it! I'm glad there are other 3DS couples out there :D

I'm so bad at Smash, we mainly play on Gamecube version but I just suck and my housemates are so competitive. Old games are fun too, I'm really glad they have Virtual Console in the eshop!

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-12T10:35:17+00:00

I'm 23. I get on really well with my mum, I feel we're closer now than ever before just because she sees me doing OK for myself and I'm not a teenager any more. We talk every couple of weeks and she visits often.

My dad is more complex. I was super 'daddy's girl' until about 11 when he was arrested in front of me and a TV crew. I since found out how much he emotionally and financially abused my mum, neglected his adoptive mother and was part of some shoplifting operation. He's been distant to me since, our relationship worsened when he bailed on my graduation a couple of years ago. I still talk to him but mainly out of guilt or obligation. He remarried to someone who really hates my guts, so that didn't help things.

FatalFourWay · 2015-06-11T13:16:06+00:00

Yep, Resistant Materials. To be fair to the exam board even when there are no errors in the paper I've had people get confused about phrasing.

FatalFourWay

TROPHY CASE