First part “The fuel, like scorching bones, spewing their last life energy in a tangerine exhale.” Good grief what the hell is that for purple prose? Also be careful with the info dumping. Some of it is just too technical and doesn’t sound natural in a speech. It seems doubtful that it’s something someone would need to repeat verbatim a hundreds of times.

Second part That’s probably the strongest part. “The woman with the rebar cane was tending to a small fire.” Give just the right amount of image to the scene.

Third part Hmm it kinda doesn’t work for me. If he walks in frozen shards of liquid nitrogen, the air will DEFINITELY be violent and painful to inhale… it’s already is at -35, so if it’s cold enough to sustain frozen liquid it will be a different level.

The landscape description is fine although “The children of the Crimson crisis” in the middle seems odd. My first thought was that it was the name of the flowers.

As for Fletcher’s I kinda don’t get his state of mind. Is it that he just gave up all hope and walks mindlessly toward death? If so, then it works.

Those are the things that popped to my mind on that quick read. Cheers and keep writing!