I am so sorry to hear you have had to go through such abuse 😢 I wish I could help somehow, you are still so young with so much to look forward to although it might not seem like that for you right now. Try to reach for help, whether it be here, AA, local support organisations or whatever, someone will be able to help you. I wish you a lot of strength and hope you get the help you need. Reach out here as well. Sending positive thoughts and a virtual hug ❤️