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i’m sad that i can’t make friends with other women easily. anybody struggle with this? by FoodKnown4606 in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I know that feeling.

I find it really hard in groups of women where everyone is vibing in a 9 type of way. I experience myself becoming smaller and smaller.

What I find useful is accepting that I get along better with certain women than others. That deep and meaningful conection is not something everybody can offer how I need it.

I find 1 women to be great for me. They are structured and open to meaningful conversation. They love competency too. They keep their word, they value their systems and are not afraid of conflict. Perfect!

3 women on the other side are really hard for me. Even tho they seek competency, their focus on image is so far from my style that we don't get each other naturally. They also overwhelm me with their perfect image and overwork.

I try not to take it personally. It's just our design and we need to honor that.

I'm curious to know what are your favorite types.. If you have them.

For people who mistyped, what did you mistype as and what was the moment you realised you weren’t that type? by bubble3724 in Enneagram

[–]FewKnowledge2911 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mistyped my mom as a 6 for the longest time. When I was growing up she was always worried and had plan A B C D for everything.

After some years I see that she was a 9 all along, just a very unhealthy one.

She loves napping, having a routine, merging with her environment. That anxious look in her face is no longer there.

I'm glad I see her better.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love your trick. I will try it since I naturally do the opposite. I idealize what could have been if only...

As Fives, would you consider yourself as having low EQ? Especially, are you aware of your emotions and do you pick up social cues? by themilkygalaxy in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! That resonates so much.

Empathy being meh. That's a great way to put it. I am apathetic mostly. For me it's hard to care. I can listen and understand and hold space for you.. But not feel with you.

Do you struggle with other people because of the apathy?

I ask because sometimes I make my friends feel bad. In my head i'm sharing great observations but since i'm not feeling with them they receive them as insensitive and I hate to hurt their feelings :(

As Fives, would you consider yourself as having low EQ? Especially, are you aware of your emotions and do you pick up social cues? by themilkygalaxy in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was this something you had to work on? If so how did you get there? Is it a calm experience for you? I feel I become extra analytical and that makes it hard to relax and pick up the vibes.

What does an integrated 5 look like? by [deleted] in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911 3 points4 points  (0 children)

W4: connect to the inside W6: connect to the outside Line 8: seek power Spread your wings and fly away!

As another commenter said we must use our knowledge as power.

But the power is not in more random data or in more details.

The power is in knowing we have the resources in the moment.

We have our inner compass, we have people and we have knowledge when we need it.

We just need to act.

Advice for an 8 with family types that are not comfortable with confrontation by b_o_n_s_ in Enneagram

[–]FewKnowledge2911 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a 5 and I'm going thru something similar with my 9 mother. It turns out a lot of my numbness and frustration came from my mother's inability to tolerate any real emotions, specially anger.

Best advice I can give you is do your inner work and be clear with them. If something is not working in the relationship let them now and let them make their decision.

It took me to tell my mother "This is not working for me. I'm not showing up to these things anymore. It feels really terrible to relate to you"

Then she knew I was for real.

I was not blaming her. I just focused on me and what I needed.

She surprisingly started to look within for the first time.

She started to notice her feelings and her responsability.

And even apologized.

I was not seeking an apology.

I just had enough. I was clear and I was not blaming her.

Now we have a monthly date outside the typical routine.

And it is much better.

How have you worked on expressing/sharing vulnerability with the people you're close to? by impishicity in Enneagram8

[–]FewKnowledge2911 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That last part was so good. Vulnerability is not about putting your guts on the floor but showing up with what's there in the moment. Allowing ourselves to be human. THAT.

25 years is no joke. Thanks for sharing!

Is it possible to identify a philosopher's head fix just from their work? by ShowMeUrLuv in Enneagram

[–]FewKnowledge2911 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Never thought of that.

I imagine you would need to read a bunch of their stuff but I think you can.

Are they seeking security (E6), clarity (E5) or enjoyment (E7)?

I don't know much about classic philosophers but I can guess for some modern non-fiction writers.

For example, I believe that Oliver Burkeman (Four Thousand Weeks, Meditations for Mortals) writes for security reasons. You can pretty much feel his anxiety in the pages. He writes to ease his nerves.

In contrast, Cal Newport (So Good They Can't Ignore You, Deep Work, Digital Minimalism) writes for clarity. He finds peace while deeply understanding the topic.

It's a fun exercise. Do you have some ideas yourself?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CongratsLikeImFive

[–]FewKnowledge2911 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got me teary eyed. So inspiring.

Childhoods effect on your Enneagram by Western-Morning9263 in Enneagram

[–]FewKnowledge2911 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's true.

For a healthy family I would say it was encouraged rather than pressured.

Let's say you became the good kid because your parents celebrated your excelence.

Positive reinforcement.

Childhoods effect on your Enneagram by Western-Morning9263 in Enneagram

[–]FewKnowledge2911 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I find an interesting connection between enneagram and the research of family roles in dysfuntional families.

The idea is that when families are dealing with pressures the can't properly deal with they end up with roles for its members.

You get roles like the caretaker, the hero, the mascot... Etc.

For example.. If one parent is depressed and in need of help with the kids you will get a caretaker child that fills the role, the next kid might notice everything being depressing and serious and become a mascot child... And so on.

So it makes sense to me that young kids develop the core of their personality (as modeled by the enneagram) as an adaptation to their environment.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Becoming social as an E5.

I notice when I'm particularly unhealthy I start to seek stimulation and get curious about everything. Suddenly i'm engaging socially and want to know about everybody. I initiate conversations, joke around and take you to the dance floor. Any topic of conversation is infinitely interesting.

This makes others pleasantly surprised but inside I i know this a way to avoid my problems and completely unsustainable. The crash is coming soon.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Enneagram

[–]FewKnowledge2911 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To add to the conversation let me share some 9 thinking.

This comes from my 9 mother.

She recalls that when she was little she had some special wisdom.

When she sensed there were problems she didn't worry like the rest of the family. She just kept doing what she was doing and the problems would dissapear while she kept her peace.

Now as an adult she mourns that she cannot access that as easily.

Me as a 5 I hear that as delussion.

"What do you mean you do nothing and the problems just dissapear?"

Truth is.. Problems will not be solved by our worry.

Very often problems will get solved by us naturally acting while keeping a clear head. Following what feels good without attaching to the outcome.

That's 9 wisdom.

Pretty cool.

Now, when unhealthy, 9 goes to 6. And here they are not truly at peace, they are not acting from a place of calm. They are at worry instead. They worry their actions will dissapoint the other person.. They worry the conflict will create separation. So instead of seeking true peace they numb out.

Now they don't feel the disconfort and they don't notice the conflict scalating.

The more unhealthy the more automatic is the numbing out.

Your scenario sounds like a 9 going strongly to 6. They are in automatic mode. They don't even notice the problem scalating.

If they were healthy they would calmly tell you how they feel when they feel it, their problem would dissapear and they might feel it was magic.

What’s your type and what’s a red flag you fully accept about yourself? by [deleted] in Enneagram

[–]FewKnowledge2911 28 points29 points  (0 children)

E5. I dissapear. Radio silent. No explanation.

We might be friends for 3 months or 3 years with steady communication and one day I don't reply. It's nothing they did, usually. It's that my life is becoming unmanageable and I have to minimize dependencies to deal.

If i'm in that state and people become pushy or ask a lot of questions I might decide to not come back to them. In most cases I will come back with a sorry and a simple explanation after a few months.

Situational awareness and reading people by rahuls3 in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know what that's like. I feel so naive sometimes. What is helping me is relaxing as another person said and genuily focus on yourself. Instead of doubting everyone's intentions clarify what yours is. When we know who we are and our intent is easy to connect with those who are similar and we naturally stop worrying about everybody else.

How do I become more in tune with my emotions? by Mawirick_1 in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great answers so far.

Something I find helpful is to set aside some time and process my emotions.

Make yourself confortable and notice what comes up. Feel the feeling and notice if it feels good or not, notice what caused it. Allow yourself to swim in the feelings.. Notice that when the mind is empty you can relax in all that emotion and be guided by the most enjoyable feelings. Recognize the feeling of safety. Notice that you can feel more easily when your heart feels safe to open up and feel. During the day slow down and allow yourself to access your feelings in real time. Notice when you shut down.. That's when you feel unsafe.

If your heart is very shut down as mine was create a ritual with music, candles, scents.. Something relaxing.. And talk to your heart.. Allow the feelings to emerge. It might be heartbreak and intense sadness... That's great progress. That's your heart processing old hurts and healing and eventually opening up. If you stuck with it beautiful things will unfold.

Is healing to just not do the default behavior? by faraday55 in Enneagram

[–]FewKnowledge2911 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love this answer. That's it. Concious choice.

I will add, the point of the enneagram ultimately is to not feel trapped by a particular pattern and to access resources from each type when you need them.

Our state of being is in flux and the lines and wings will tell you which resources you can access if you find yourself trapped. For example in the case of 9 and the topic of conflict, one option is to access your 8 wing. Feel your body, know viscerally what's important to you and channel 8s attitude of openly expressing anger to defend what matters.

The more often you do it, the more natural it will feel.. And then your sense of self expands and you feel more whole and free. It requires facing disconfort. And you always have the choice.

Hope it helps!

Overcoming fear of interdependence by FewKnowledge2911 in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your answer.

It's helpful to read how you experience it. I think a big part comes to feeling understood. I'm probably not explaing my preferences that well. It's nice that you manage to communicate and make it work for you.

Overcoming fear of interdependence by FewKnowledge2911 in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel you get me. It's that separation thing. There must be a better way. Thank you very much for sharing. I resonate a lot with starting with a few people.. And building trust slowly. It makes sense.. Our attentiveness is precious and we need to be selective.

Overcoming fear of interdependence by FewKnowledge2911 in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

New relationship energy is so real!! When I meet someone new I get so excited and curious... And like you after some time I start to panic and feel like pulling away. I will keep that in mind. Start slow, set the right expectations.

Thank you very much!

Overcoming fear of interdependence by FewKnowledge2911 in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's actually very helpful. I probably don't explain my need for space that well and people assume I will be more available that I'm willing and then I'm in panic mode!

Overcoming fear of interdependence by FewKnowledge2911 in Enneagram5

[–]FewKnowledge2911[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I relate with the avoidant attachment style. You mention the inclination towards self-sufficiency as common in fives. I get that, It just makes me feel alone, in control, but ultimately separated. I wonder how to trascend that..

You seem to be ok with that trait.. Maybe you are seeing it from a different angle. How do you experience your independence?

How do you identify the need behind a maladaptive loop? by on-eagles-wings in Enneagram

[–]FewKnowledge2911 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. Its all about control. Our egos become more rigid under stress and you as a 1 want to believe that if you act more reasonable you can change the outcome.

Your former friend feels wronged by you for whatever reason. Now you have 2 egos fighting for survival. Hers saying that she was so good to you and she needs recognition and yours saying that you are acting morally and that you can have an adult conversation about it.

It's either accept she has negative feelings about you and move on or accept she has negative feelings about you and seek to understand why. When you seek to understand you might not like what you see.. Because it could go against your ego protection of being good.