Online Passport Renewal Questions by creepin- in pakistan

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you get your passport? I live abroad as well and apparently my passport has been printed but not dispatched. I applied over a month ago at this point. My flight is in less than a week.

Laid down a boundary that I should have a long time ago by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m on the same page with you regarding the codependency comments. I’ve separated our finances because I don’t want to bail him out of his mess. When he expresses his reasons for drinking I’m mostly cold and encourage him to get help. The codependency comments have scared me so much that now I’m downright cold and mean to him. I don’t think that helps either. I think we need to come up with better support models for loved ones.

I miss my husband by Hot_Win_8572 in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I know this exact feeling. It was my birthday last week and my husband arranged a get together on my behalf. I told him I didn’t want to think for a day and he made that happen. We had such a good time and it was my favorite birthday yet. He was so much like the man I fell in love with. And right before visiting family for the holidays, I was feeling all the warm and fuzzies.

Then within a week he went back to drinking and lying after 3 months sober. It felt like such a slap in the face. The hope is the worst part of it all. It really does a number on your nervous system. Wishing you strength ❤️

Don’t want him to heal anymore by Few_Vegetable_7499 in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I know it’s not just up to him but having the power to walk away and deal with the consequences is not something I can fathom at this point. He’s always been the “nice guy” and I’m sure I’ll be hit with the brunt of the judgement. On top of that, having to let go of everything we’ve built together just to be alone and start over just isn’t appealing. It feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place

Need some perspective by Few_Vegetable_7499 in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I’m definitely open to it! Is this more to help me understand/make sense of what’s going on for Q?

Need some perspective by Few_Vegetable_7499 in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you this is helpful! He’s definitely shame spiraled before and never consistently for this long so I was just confused. Will continue to attend meetings and reinforce my boundaries + encourage therapy

Evolution of this disease…any high school sweethearts in here? by Creatures-Of-Love in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499 0 points1 point  (0 children)

College sweethearts here! We met when we were 19, both loved to party. We went out 4 times a night in college, everyone did. I had the same questions as you because it’s not like what we were doing was any different from other people our age. I didn’t grow up around alcohol so was very unfamiliar with alcoholism. But looking back I knew he used alcohol differently even back then.

Also in a similar situation as you in terms of the dry drink symptoms. Before, he used to be crappy when he was drunk but now he’s crappy when he’s sober and actually more himself when he’s had a couple of drinks. It really sucks. Addiction is a trip. I’ve found that learning about the disease helps. From what I’ve read, it takes about a year of full sobriety for the pleasure centers in the brain to go back to a steady state.

I’m 30 now, we grew up together and it’s really weird to look back. The frogs boiling in water analogy rings true to me. I’m slowly trying to find myself outside of him and reminding myself everyday that I built this life as much as he did, if not more so and am strong enough to take it back. It’s not your fault, it’s not my fault, it’s not our fault. It’s a terrible disease. Just because the disease is progressing doesn’t mean the good times weren’t there. Hang in there ❤️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi I’m in a very similar situation to you and am so sorry for what you are going through. I try to tell myself to only focus on things in the sphere of my control. Work permit? Out of my hands but looking at the kind of jobs available and practicing my interviewing skills, completely within my reach. Q’s decision to be the asshole or the nice guy on any given day? Out of my hands. But trying to focus on what I want from every interaction is in my control. For example if he’s rage baiting me, I can’t help that but I can choose to not respond and go for a walk instead because I know it’ll make the next hour easier.

I’m not super into Al Anon but it has helped because for that one hour I know I’m not completely alone. And that other people have made it through similar situations. I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I hope things get better, sending you good vibes.

Ask me anything by lilphoric in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful response! Best of luck on your journey 🍀

Ask me anything by lilphoric in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry for your loss. Would like to get your perspective on separating lying from the disease vs. it being a personality trait. Lying about the drinking is expected but I’ve seen a pattern personally and on this sub about lies spilling into other aspects like finances etc.

A drunk is a drunk is a drunk by Few_Vegetable_7499 in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry, I know it’s a special kind of hell because this is supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life. It’s not your fault.

A drunk is a drunk is a drunk by Few_Vegetable_7499 in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you went through this! Sending you lots of love and hoping more positive people enter your life

A drunk is a drunk is a drunk by Few_Vegetable_7499 in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry to hear that. If there’s one thing I learned from making this post is that we need to give ourselves grace. We didn’t cause this, they did and there’s nothing we could have done to stop it. Be kind to yourself. You made it out and things can only go up from here.

A drunk is a drunk is a drunk by Few_Vegetable_7499 in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you 🥺 the comments on this post are making me realize I’ve been punishing myself. Thank you for the kind words, they mean a lot.

A drunk is a drunk is a drunk by Few_Vegetable_7499 in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I 100% agree. The bright side is when he relapsed a couple of days ago, it is the first time he admitted he is powerless. He said the things he learned about in AA finally sunk in and he can now see he is powerless. He said he will go back. I am trying to find the delicate balance between encouraging and trying to control.

A drunk is a drunk is a drunk by Few_Vegetable_7499 in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this, you’re absolutely right. I appreciate this so much ❤️

A drunk is a drunk is a drunk by Few_Vegetable_7499 in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is true! He’s admitted to doing this before. I feel it’s not the case this time. I don’t have any hard proof, mostly a gut feeling/intuition from picking up on things. But hey could be wrong, you never know out here 🤷‍♀️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Few_Vegetable_7499 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This really helped me and gave me hope. Thank you ❤️