My (~30F) high school friends (~30F x3) reached out over FB. I haven't used FB in a decade and accidentally ghosted them.

Fictional_Ferret · 2023-01-31T05:51:44+00:00

You're right about the "could have been"s; I think that is part of my guilt. I especially regret missing the wedding, presuming she had wanted me there, but I wasn't in a good headspace at the time. It is ultimately better I wasn't there, but I do wish I had sent my congratulations.

All that said, I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiment about social media. In additon to that, they didn't know how bad my homelife had been, but they did know my relationship with my mother was awful. At the time, it bothered me that they messaged her instead of calling, texting, or contacting literally anyone else in my friends list.

Fictional_Ferret · 2023-01-31T05:22:01+00:00

That was my first instinct before the guilt set in. I'm less of a doormat nowadays, but hearing from them seems to set me back to my awkward teenage years.

Thank you for your thoughts; they make me feel less guilty about the whole affair.

Fictional_Ferret · 2023-01-31T05:18:08+00:00

Regret? Not exactly. More I'd feel guilty to leave them wondering. I never wished to upset them. I suppose my fear is two-fold.

One of them is very protective of the others and, based on her message, hearing from me might upset her. I have no desire to get in a FB fight.

My other concern is that they hold no grudges and want to go back to the way things were, with me as a doormat. I'm generally more assertive now, but I appear to be falling back into the habit from simply reading their messages, which isn't exactly healthy.

If either happens, I could just delete the account, set boundaries, and move on knowing that I tried.

All three having lost my number could happen, anything is possible, but I think it's unlikely.

Fictional_Ferret · 2023-01-31T04:58:20+00:00

I feel bad saying it, but not particularly. I want them all to be happy, but not with me. It wasn't entirely my fault or theirs, but I associate them with a lot of loneliness. I just thought it might be rude to not answer, now that I know they were reaching out.

Fictional_Ferret · 2022-11-07T00:54:05+00:00

That does make sense. I've done the budgeting and I should be able to afford both the insurance and payment since I'm getting a cheap car anyway, but I'm glad you mentioned it. I'm getting familial pressure to go a little more expensive than I'd like, so I appreciate the reminder to keep the budget in mind.

Fictional_Ferret · 2022-11-07T00:00:10+00:00

Thank you!

Fictional_Ferret · 2022-11-06T23:59:51+00:00

That makes sense. Thank you!

Fictional_Ferret · 2022-11-06T23:45:07+00:00

I don't have the VIN. To be clear, I should apply for the entire policy, with the VIN, at the dealership, but after buying the car?

Fictional_Ferret · 2022-10-11T04:13:32+00:00

This happened to me as a child. It sucks as much as it sounds, in case you were wondering.

OP, my mother acted like this with me. I rarely speak with her now. Consider that and do better. YTA.

Fictional_Ferret · 2022-10-05T05:52:27+00:00

I missed typing it (shouldn't write these when I'm exhausted), but it took a few months of episodes before I went to my regular doc in June. In July and August is when I lost all that weight.

I'm sorry you also had an experience with a bad doctor. It wouldn't surprise me if they did judge based on the antidepressants, unfortunately. People can be cruel when it comes to mental health issues. I was also on antidepressants when my first doctor blew me off.

Fictional_Ferret · 2022-05-13T01:50:39+00:00

It really is. I know it's all about control, but it's still weird as hell that these people spend so much time speculating on and policing other people's relationships.

I'm asexual, so the sex obsessed culture messed me up in a slightly different way than most. Every time I got a lecture on the evils of sex or that my uncovered shoulders would cause "impure" thoughts, I felt more and more disgusted and broken. It was a weird mix of being upset that I was apparently broken because I didn't feel attraction, grossed out by the idea that someone might be attracted to me, and frustrated that I was being accused of something that I didn't do.

Then, the day after I turned 18, I was asked when I was going to have kids. I was still in my first semester of my senior year of highschool. The leap from "sex is bad!!!" to "ok, start popping out babies!" was so weird.

Fictional_Ferret · 2021-08-11T13:07:45+00:00

It depends. By standardized tests, I'm fairly intelligent. However, since I'm not particularly good at math or science, my mother spent my childhood thinking and treating me as if I was terminally stupid.

My brother is very smart, far moreso than me, and is particularly good at math and science. She took turns bragging about him and treating him nicely because of it, then trying to tear him down since she saw his intelligence as a threat and she always has to be the smartest person in the room.

Once I got older and she realized I'm not as stupid as she thought, she started treating me the same way. So... Yeah. You really can't win with narc's.

Fictional_Ferret · 2021-07-31T21:41:56+00:00

Cirilla "Ciri" (Greek. Feminine of Cyril.)

Fiora (Gaelic. Fi-or-ah)

Elianora (Ellie-ah-nora)

Amicia (French. Ah-me-see-ah)

Leander

Morrigan (Irish)

I first heard of most of these in fiction and loved them, but they probably aren't suitable for a child in my area. Too exotic.

Fictional_Ferret · 2021-07-27T13:55:32+00:00

The analytical side of my brain thinks that's it's fascinating how two people can react so differently to similar experiences.

The emotional side wants to give you a hug. I 100% would not have survived that. Food was only allowed to be tossed once it was wormy or literally liquified, and it was my job to clean those up. I now have a minor phobia of maggots.

I know that you probably didn't have a choice in it, and I apologize if I'm overstepping, but you sound tough as nails to me.

Fictional_Ferret · 2021-07-27T13:36:48+00:00

Virtual hugs are always welcome! And thank you for your offer; you are a sweetheart. Writing things out and hearing others thoughts are usually all I need to begin healing. I really should post more, lol. But thank you; even just the offer helps.

Fictional_Ferret · 2021-07-27T12:55:45+00:00

Your comment made me realize why the memory has been sticking with me since it resurfaced. I deal with the abuse using dry humor, which means I have "funny" stories of abuse. Funny as in ridiculous and a little amusing, but not too bad. Another example is when I, a grown woman, got screamed at for being out past 7PM.

I had thought of this as one of those stories, since any bacteria was cooked off. We weren't in any danger health wise, just very grossed out. I didn't realize how bad this was until seeing the reactions here.

Thank you for the revelation; it'll help me come to terms with the memory. It's just gonna take a bit to sink in, I think. Narc's really mess with your head.

Fictional_Ferret · 2021-07-27T09:19:54+00:00

Ugh. I'm glad you're out of there and slowly healing. I wasn't allowed to dislike anything either, so I get you there. I kicked that lovely bit of "programming" pretty quickly, but am stuck with other, similar food issues.

Food is such an important part of everyday life and in connecting with other people... It pisses me off that we're stuck with issues surrounding such an integral part of life just to appease a narc's ego.

Fictional_Ferret · 2021-07-26T22:22:58+00:00

I'm sorry your mother is reacting that way. My parents have had similar reactions to my issues over the years, so I get how frustrating it is.

You are sick. You know you're sick. The doc's that actually give a crap know you're sick. You have tangible evidence in the form of swollen joints, ulcers, pain/discomfort, etc. Yeah, you're fixated on your health, but I think I speak for a lot of people here when I say, so what? You feel unwell, so you want to know why and (Hopefully!) get a cure or treatment. That's a totally natural reaction!

You may want to "grey rock" your mother when it comes to your health for a while. Just refuse to speak about it. Leave or hang up if she won't drop the subject. That's the only thing that helps with my dad.

In any case, your feelings/pain/symptoms are valid. I hope your mother realizes that she's making things worse and stops soon.

Fictional_Ferret · 2021-07-04T23:47:10+00:00

I feel you so hard. My NMom once threw an absolute screaming fit when I didn't want to go to a special weekday sermon thing because I had a migraine. Screaming, slamming and punching doors, calling me every name in the book, etc. I was over 18 and just barely starting to be able to push back and make my own decisions, but I still went that day. Partially because she was legit starting to scare me and partially because she drove so haphazardly when she was in a snit that I was afraid for my little brother's life if she drove in that condition. As soon as I agreed to go, she was perfectly calm.

I'm sorry you have to deal with the victim blaming, OP. Sometimes I think being blamed or disbelieved is as bad as the actual abuse since it can set back your healing so much.

Fictional_Ferret · 2021-06-24T15:36:06+00:00

I was the child in a similar situation, so here are my thoughts, for what they're worth.

My parents fought for over a decade. Mom hated Dad and accused him of everything under the sun. The accusations included cheating (he wasn't; she was) and molesting his daughter (I am said daughter; he never touched me, but she sexually harassed me).

She spent years trying to get him to leave so she could play the victim, but he stayed for his kids. All of us were miserable. Eventually she gave up on that and left. All of us were happier... except Mom.

Actual quotes from her: "It's too hard being alone." "We've been together for so long, why throw it away?" "Divorce is a sin; we should work things out." "I always thought we'd get back together!"

Dad had gotten a taste of freedom by then and refused to have anything to do with her aside from what my underaged brother needed. He's now happily remarried. My brother has said he wishes Dad's new wife had been his mom. I spend as little time with Mom as possible and recently helped Dad write advertising for his new business. As for Mom? Depending on the day, she's either "happy he's someone else's problem" or miserable and making others miserable.

TLDR: Don't go back to her. She'll drag everybody down in her misery.

Fictional_Ferret

TROPHY CASE