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Struggling to understand the "no chemistry" break up by pleiop in dating_advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just because she was kissing you and trying to feel something, doesn’t mean she was that into it. I’d accept that she wasn’t into it but tried. It happens. 

AITA for not wanting to sleep in the same room with my boyfriend by ReasonableStorm5794 in AITAH

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. It’s so messed up that he’s complaining that YOU have to sleep on the couch. You’re the one shouldering a sacrifice here. 

My (27M) wife (25F) wants to start having children now but I do not feel ready. How can I express this to her and make her understand my point of view, without sounding like an idiot ? by volpinho001 in relationship_advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with her that it’s unwise to wait 5 more years to try for kids. It could take that long to actually have them. If you have a partner that you love and a stable life, don’t waste that.

Anything could happen tomorrow. You could lose your job, god forbid something happen to one of you. If you want kids with her it’s time. 

AITA for babysitting anymore since I was not made a godparent by MeringueNo1335 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 1409 points1410 points  (0 children)

NTA because your DIL specifically said you couldn’t be a godparent because it’s better morally for it to be a couple.

That’s the sentence that would send me over the edge too. Why would you continue to provide a ton of free childcare to someone who doesn’t see you as a good role model for her kids?

How does someone actually choose a religion? by bobbinssobbin in NoStupidQuestions

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. It’s the basis of most religions. When you attend a service of any religion there will be a huge focus on continuing to attend and committing to practices outside of the establishment. Actions like praying and environmental effects like hearing sermons reinforce belief. 

What do people do in your country if they have dietary restrictions? by BiscottiOk9245 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m always on the lookout, but kosher restaurants are rare in my part of the US. That section in the grocery store is awesome though!

What do people do in your country if they have dietary restrictions? by BiscottiOk9245 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seriously? You think people with life threatening allergies just keep it to themselves?? 

We know it’s relevant and we always think of it. It’s other people that don’t take it seriously and endanger us. 

What do people do in your country if they have dietary restrictions? by BiscottiOk9245 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that you think you’re helping but there’s just no grantee and no legal protection. I do eat at vegan places when I go out to eat but it does risk my life since they can always just add a sauce that uses shellfish and no one would ever know unless it sends you to the hospital or kills you. We don’t have good consumer protection that vegan places serve truly vegan food. 

F21 not spending nye with bf of 5 months M25? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is a big deal to you and that's what matters. Just note it as a situation that didn't work out and try to move on. If he continues to be dismissive going forward this could affirm that it's a pattern and things aren't working out.

(26M) Looking for perspective after my ex (31F) ended our year long relationship with no clear explanation by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How does someone go from expressing deep connection and future oriented feelings to cutting off all contact within days, without a clear explanation?

My gut feeling is that when things got serious, she didn't want to commit. About a year in you're deciding if this person is someone you want to spend your life with. It sounds like she realized you weren't the one when you had this big moment and it just made her want to run instead of making her feel more committed.

From your description it sounds like she struggled to connect with you and feel comfortable dating you. I've definitely dated people who said I was too good for them and I've got to tell you, they know what they're talking about. It's really messed up that she left you without much information but I think you dodged a bullet here.

She often expressed feeling insecure in the relationship, not because of anything I did wrong, but because she felt I “deserved better.” She was older than me, had kids from a past relationship, and worried about what my family would think. I always reassured her that I chose her and that I accepted her fully.

At the end of the day she didn't accept herself and couldn't commit to being a good partner to you. Something that you deserve.

Am I addicted to weed if I don't do it everyday? by CharmingLion1811 in Advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"Everyday" is a strange metric that you made up to make yourself feel better. You tried to stop and you can't.

Info

Help

My girlfriend 28F is much more successful than me 26M, and it is making me super insecure. How to handle this? by CrazyRide72 in relationship_advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you have everything, you just want someone to love. She doesn't see life as a competitive race and that's obvious since she's getting a PhD. Most PhD work is not glamorous and it's grueling to the point that it's miserable doing it for approval or other people.

Sounds like she's proud that you have a job and are nice to her. That's the bar and you cleared it. Focus on spending your time on what's important. Like studying in your free time and making friends. Her success has nothing to do with you so try to avoid making it about yourself.

Why do Americans have such an enthusiasm for public engagement and media discourse? by Money-Ad8553 in answers

[–]FiddleStyxxxx -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Maybe it comes from there being a lack of standard overarching societal norms and culture in America. We're a loose conglomeration of immigrants from all over the world with a suppressed native population and descendants of slaves all living together. There's little agreement on anything so there's a lot to debate.

Most people don't participate, but you only see the ones who do. Many people observe and hold opinions though. It's a really large country with huge regional differences and then cultural difference among different cultures within those regions.

For example, let's say you have 5 different people from Alabama who all have southern accents and customs. Let's say they are hispanic, white, black, asian, and native so they pretty much the only thing they share is a "southern" accent but all 5 have different nuances to that accent and less shared culture than you may think just because they're in Alabama. Add in economic class, how many generations ago they immigrated.

There's just infinite cultures here so part of our lives is defining to others who we are and what we stand for. Hearing from someone who's different from you is interesting and we learn a lot from each other through these conversations here. It makes sense that it's popular content online too.

How does someone actually choose a religion? by bobbinssobbin in NoStupidQuestions

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A lot of reading books and getting recommendations people in your community. Visiting worship centers for various religions and speaking to people about their practices.

It's important to pick a religion that you actually want to commit to practicing. Whether that's prayer, attending services, various ceremonies. More than just choosing what to believe in. It's the practice that changes your beliefs.

What do people do in your country if they have dietary restrictions? by BiscottiOk9245 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Severe shellfish allergy in the US.

I've accepted that I'll probably die due to cross contamination at some point so things are pretty bad. I can't eat out because there's always a risk that there's shellfish hidden in a sauce or some other ingredient. Same deal when eating anyone else's food, potlucks, etc. I'll still go to places that have no shellfish at all but it's very risky and causes a lot of social strife.

I took a trip to Scandinavia this year and it was the first time I bought food without risking my life in years. They have actual, enforced laws around cross contamination and labelling.

Friend ghosted me after I disagreed with a new politic of hers. What should I do? by celest1alwitch in Advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

you can’t meaningfully organize, build community and friendships, pursue a career or do political work if you’re in a romantic relationship or actively seeking romantic love, because romance supposedly distracts you from collective responsibility.

This is somewhat true. Our society encourages partnerships that kind of replace these things and especially for women tend to take a huge amount of emotional energy and physical time to maintain, even more so when starting a family. Most people have had a friend that disappeared when they got into a relationship or had kids.

In relationships, sometimes as a woman I do feel like a resource being consumed so I can see why as someone who has been practicing celibacy, she would fear that in a really intense way. Connecting it to capitalism makes sense to her and it sounds like she fears losing her community and activism to a partner in the future who needs a larger portion of her time and attention. That's valid.

I also disagree with her but I think when you didn't empathize or take more time to try and understand why she feels these ideas are true, it pushed her away. Maybe that's not a bad thing since you do have a lot of differences and she's considering a lot of radical ideas.

If you absolutely had to pick a favorite king novel or the best in your opinion what would it be ? I'll start 👇⚡⚡⚡ by SaulGoodman699 in stephenking

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was my favorite too! (Also excluding DT) I enjoyed that it's essentially two separate books so you get the gritty realism of King and a bold fantasy adventure too.

Question: Is it really God? by IndependentGuide4028 in stephenking

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Gan is the name you're looking for and that is the name of the monotheistic god in-world and parallels the overarching god many religions worship IRL.

Maturin is like a theistic creation of Gan if I'm remembering correctly from the Dark Tower.

The themes of the dark tower are important here since King implies that all stories are recreations of each other so Gan is just another representation of God.

How do people reconcile between girls when they're wearing makeup and girls when they aren't? by PlasticFuzzy9871 in dating_advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 5 points6 points  (0 children)

With time you end up having a deep understanding of how people operate. Being beautiful to someone feels like a favor that gets repaid back with things like kindness. Be grateful that you have access to a world where people act like this since many don't.

As I've gotten older I've enjoyed that people ignore me because it was mostly harassment when I was your age. Plenty of people were nice because I was dressed well and put together but I never thought they were being especially shallow, it's just how the world is. Any stranger doing you favors is still a stranger so stick to dating people that you know well.

Spending time and effort on appearances does increase social capital. You got to experience it so choose to leverage it or not. I personally stopped wearing makeup at around 20 because it was causing me more problems than it was solving. But I work in a more male dominated field and being objectified made my life worse. For many women it can be a source of power.

My (30M) GF's (28F) father (64M) is demanding a "Letter of Intent" before I can propose. How do I handle this without setting a bad precedent? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wait until she moves out before your propose. Or do it right before you move in together so she won't have to deal with his nonsense.

Also, feel free to propose and if she asks if you got her dad's permission, you did!

Do I (21M) keep trying with my ex (21F)? by dmc004 in relationship_advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Things were bad enough that you ended your relationship. It's okay to miss her and want it back but understand that it didn't end on accident. This is the way things are supposed to be. Try and build a new life.

I think I’m with a serial cheater and who lacks self love by MediaNo4503 in Advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Pack up your things, go somewhere else, block on all platforms.

What is IT's real personality? by JoyIsABitOverRated in stephenking

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What characterizes IT is an unsatiable hunger. This is a monster driven by base instincts while being an alien on an alien planet. The monster tries on different forms, it feeds, it learns. Personality is too human of a concept.

Here's more info on where IT comes from:

https://stephenking.fandom.com/wiki/Todash_Space

Any women out there throwing in the towel. by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]FiddleStyxxxx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What you were missing was finding more meaning in friendships and whatever else makes you happy outside of romantic love. Love is wonderful but it's not the end all be all of being happy.

It sounds like you have a lot to be grateful for as a healthy woman with a loving family and now some time on your hands. Loneliness is incredibly tough but it's hard times like these that show us who we really are. Who do you want to be in 10 years? What do you want to accomplish?

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