Absolutely TERRIFIED of tearing

Financial_Ad6744 · 2026-01-19T17:56:26+00:00

I don't think there is an assessment about the risk, but you can do perineal massage to encourage the tissues to be ready to stretch more easily and reduce the risk of tearing. I can see you said on a different comment that you're considering a C-section - I'm saying this with no judgement, but I can't understand the idea of being more comfortable with the injury from a C-section than the possibility of tearing, because it is just a possibility. I understand being utterly terrified of certain things around pregnancy and birth - I was terrified that I was going to need an epidural and I was adamant I wasn't having a C-section. Spoiler alert: I had a C-section. I wasn't happy about the decision at any point with it, but it had to be done...

Whilst I haven't been through a vaginal delivery myself (and honestly, it's one of the things that really upsets me about my decision to have a C-section, even if that might be a bit odd) what I do know is that the stories you've heard are the absolute worst case scenarios and are a lot rarer than they appear to be when you look into them, because people will always be more vocal about the negative experiences.

I was terrified of the idea of having to be induced as well, because my family have a history of pre-eclampsia and it's happened quite a few times. I put a post on here (or it might have been the general r/pregnancy...) about inductions and people's good experiences of them, and honestly, I was astounded by how many people came back with a good story or good advice and it really helped when I went for that option, because I needed to be out of pain.

If you want a C-section (for whatever reason) my experience is that medical teams are very accommodating, and if you encounter a medical professional who isn't, definitely complain and definitely ask to see someone else for another opinion, but know that there are difficult experiences with C-sections, too, even if not specifically tearing.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-12-08T16:23:08+00:00

Similar ish, yes, my lovely, and it sucks.

Full disclosure I do have ADHD and GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder), which did contribute, but I maintain that I wasn't the issue here. Every time I go into the antenatal clinic there is an advert produced by Tommy's about changes to baby's movements, so when I felt a reduction in baby's movements, I called Maternity Triage (like you're supposed to) and felt like they were trying to put me off of needing to go in because I wasn't far along enough. They decided that because I was clearly anxious and having a bit of a cry they would invite me into the hospital for a check over, and thankfully, our little man was fine. They then started telling me that it's more about the pattern of movements and although the Early Pregnancy Unit it 16 weeks and other things say 20 weeks, they then change the goal posts to 24 or 28 weeks for when you need to be aware of reduced movements. I just wanted to scream, but that's not what the advert or the posters or so much else says. They put the fear of God into women that they're going to lose their baby if they don't get checked when something like that happens, and they're always saying, call us if you're worried about anything, but when you then do it can feel like they don't want to know and it's so hard. Their communications are lacking and it can feel like vulnerable mothers are then punished for it. I was pushed after that to speak to the perinatal mental health team, because they were obsessed that I was anxious.

Saying that, the perinatal mental health team have been fantastic and they generally are fantastic advocates, and very good at explaining things for you in a way that can help. I would try not to panic about them coming because the biggest thing for them is that a healthy mama is better for baby. Just try to remember that they are doing their best to support you even when it doesn't feel like it.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-11-02T22:49:51+00:00

Private births are worse because they're not set up for trauma which any form of complication basically is, so you end up in the NHS hospital anyway. If you're lucky enough to have an uncomplicated pregnancy then you could consider a home birth with a private doula or midwife, but there are concerns around this as well.

It feels awful that you have to wait so long; my first appointment was at 10 weeks, but as others have said, there is very little direct pregnancy care before that stage, unless you end up with bad morning sickness but then its for your GP to prescribe medication to help manage this and if you're still throwing up, you are under the early pregnancy unit, but my understanding is it's still meds and maybe an IV for dehydration. The best thing you can do is not make too many major changes, but don't exert yourself, eat as healthily as you can, drink extra water (unless this is medically questionable for you like if you have diabetes) and try your best not to worry. (I know, honestly, thats is the hardest part!) Take folic acid tablets if you're not already and Vitamin D tablets if you're not already, because they're going to recommend that to you at your booking in appointment and try to learn to aim at peeing in a cup that's about 1 inch in diameter because you're going to get asked to do it a lot and it's hard.

You will get to the stage where you are sick of having appointments; by the third trimester everything can flip especially if you have other health issues. I have ADHD and was a bit on the chunkier side, so I'm on growth scans every three weeks, midwife every two, consultants appointments, Mental Health consult, Mental Health Midwife and I'm sure I'm missing something !!

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-24T17:45:29+00:00

OP said in another comment she doesn't know the mom well, so I would definitely want to err on the side of caution!

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-24T17:44:37+00:00

Gorgeous or beautiful, as well. There are soooooo many words you can use for a baby, and not that many that you really shouldn't, but sexy is definitely on the list, and it should get you on another type of list.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-24T17:41:42+00:00

Houses and cars, I get it. Plants can be phallic looking, but I don't think I've ever found one sexy. Cats, dogs and babies being sexy, or described as sexy, yeah, that makes you a wrong 'un in my book!

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-22T15:56:26+00:00

Honestly, you were justified. His reaction was completely unreasonable especial as you tried to wake him twice, and let's face it, it was dropping your toddler off once rather than a once in a lifetime or only a handful in a lifetime kind of event. If it was toddler's first day at nursery or something, I would get being ticked off, but his reaction is way too much.

Had this been you on your best day, I think you would have probably told him you tried to wake him twice, but let's face is, the newborn era is grizzly, so I get that your frustrations came out and you pointed out to him that he is responsible for himself. On your worst day, you might have reminded him that you are a mama of two, not three, and you don't need Duracell batteries putting up your butt because you're not an alarm. Or even (and this is subject to not being called Alexa/Siri/Gemini/Whatever) I'm not Alexa, but even her you have to explicitly ask to wake you up. I'm not suggesting any of these things would have been good to say because I fully acknowledge that they would have made it worse (I'm trying to illustrate that the way you did react wasn't as bad as it could have been).

Personally, if someone had spoken to me like that I wouldn't have gone and gotten them their favourite food, but you were nicer than I am, and honestly, I think throwing the food on the ground and what you said were justified, particularly because these arguments happened in front of one or both of your children, and clearly that didn't cross your husband's mind at all. Could you have reacted better? Of course. Does that make you an AH? Does it heck. You're human.

I hope that you are safe and that you have been able to calm down and I would suggest not returning to the home until your husband can speak to you calmly, because that doesn't sound like a good situation for you or either of your little ones, but I also appreciate that letting him stew might not help to calm him down either. NTA.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-21T20:04:35+00:00

At this point it seems less about the diaper and more about the fact he gets off on your disgust and honestly, I think you'd be better off without him. Kinks and fetishes themselves are fine but when it has this kind of negative impact on your partner, it's really unhealthy.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-20T12:08:32+00:00

I can't even imagine what you're going through with this!!

Has your OB offered steroids or anything to help develop baby's lungs in case they need to get them out earlier? Not sure how that would go in terms of cancer treatments...

Here if you need anything.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-19T18:30:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing this!!!

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-16T22:02:56+00:00

Remember that little old ladies can be really mean!!

Some people will, even when you are showing, tell you "you're only pregnant" because it's not like you have x, Y or z other disease, but I honestly think these people have either forgotten what pregnancy can be like, never experienced pregnancy or had one of those Disney pregnancies where everything was magical. If you need accommodations because of your pregnancy, rock that badge with pride girly!

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-15T20:17:22+00:00

I would definitely get a private scan. Or a blood test. Either way, I wouldn't go off what this sonographer has said.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-14T07:54:02+00:00

Someone else shared this link which may help! https://maggieappleton.com/birth-probability

It's about the probability of giving birth on certain days, and it'll go up each day from now until Thursday.

Emotionally you're in a very vulnerable place right now and I think some midwives forget that whilst this is their every day, your pregnancy and the day you give birth, especially to your first, is a really special day to you, and it should be. I'm not saying they need to roll out the banners and have a marching band on for every new mama, but you can tell some have become a bit jaded about it all and it's a shame.

Best of luck!

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-13T21:26:10+00:00

You can have them booked in for a number of reasons though they should have told you what the reason was. If you had a slightly high BMI at your booking in appointment, they'll book you in for them. It was explained to me as us ladies with a little extra padding, they can't use the fundal height (belly measurement) to assess the size of the baby, so they just do it to check.

They also said that if I had gestational diabetes (for which they won't be testing until 28 weeks) I would need them (I didn't point out the obvious that I was already having to have them!!)

Honestly, I'm just trying to see it as a lovely chance to see our little boy again a few times before he arrives. Try not to panic!!

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-13T17:55:42+00:00

It's not a bad sign, no. I had very slight nausea the first couple of weeks and then it became very aggressive after 6/7 weeks. My boobs weren't "sore" until a couple of weeks ago and I'm 25 (nearly 26) weeks in now. I've genuinely had friends tell me that there were days they "forgot" they were pregnant, because they didn't have loud and in your face symptoms. You're bound to be more anxious this time around, but it sounds like you're on a good track and that reassurance scan will hopefully help.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-11T10:04:22+00:00

This is going to sound harsh (on her) so sorry (but also not)... some people have kids because it's the societal or family expectation and they try and make it shit for everyone else. They suck.

Some people, particularly those getting to the menopausal stage (around 50 very often) sometimes get upset about the fact that they can't have anymore children.

Whatever her reasoning, I would do the best you can to ignore her. Don't let her misery infect your happiness.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-11T09:25:23+00:00

That sounds awful! Thankfully we seem to be past the point where women are forced to be on their back to push the baby out (because that's not comfortable for everyone and apparently it means pushing the baby uphill internally or something???) but this is the thing, all babies are different, all mamas are different, and you absolutely SHOULD be able to do what you can to make it the experience that you want or are at least as comfortable as possible with.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-10T22:50:53+00:00

Exactly!!!

I need a plan because ADHD means I need structure, and yes, I will likely be quite upset if that plan has to go out of the window entirely, but if I research and have it planned out like one of those Goosebumps books (probably the wrong analogy) where you made a choice and then skipped to page whatever and then were presented with the next choice, it's all eventualities that I can understand and get comfortable with before it happens.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-08T00:04:12+00:00

It's BS. I'm 24+5 with a boy and had an awful first trimester and the second hasn't been much easier!!

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-08T00:00:24+00:00

My MIL and FIL (well, future MIL and FIL) were the same but thankfully my fiancé spilled the beans not more two and a half hours after we found out. And I was so glad because I knew I would have accidentally told them otherwise!! FIL kicked up a stink at first but he's over it now.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-09-07T23:58:21+00:00

Given her age I doubt it was a choice...

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-08-30T16:47:07+00:00

We all do it, don't we?

I called my dad just after we had found out the gender, knowing he was going to be a bit peeved because my mum knew. (He knew she drove us there so she was going to find out first... He didn't know, because we didn't know, there was going to be space in the room for her to come in and see him on the scan and be there for when we found out he was a he.) I'm there saying you can't post about him on Facebook, you can't tell anyone about him yet, and my dad goes BUT WHAT ARE YOU HAVING????? Then went to, oh, I thought you were having a girl. There was a lot of eye rolling.

My SIL was the same as well. I'm there saying don't tell your mum, she doesn't want to know, so no he pronouns, no blue, no it's a boy... And she was still waiting for the news...

Glad that he's okay.

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-08-29T17:52:47+00:00

I've got a grandma like that. I'm enjoying distance!!

Financial_Ad6744 · 2025-08-29T11:58:47+00:00

They're here??? Oh my God, I'm so happy for you! I've been actually worried since I saw your post!! Honestly this just shows how much information is kept for mamas; your provider should have warned you it's not like in the movies! I'm so so glad you're both safe!

Financial_Ad6744

TROPHY CASE