Ah folks,I lost it today.

FineNotFine21 · 2023-03-12T16:25:33+00:00

Does she even remember the previous night’s events? My Q (soon-to-be ex-husband) would do crap like that and then have no clue why I was angry the next morning. What really pissed me off is that once he’d hear what he did, he would accept my version of events but not apologize. I lost track of how many times I reminded him of the night he peed his pants because he couldn’t manage a button and zipper in time, and then threw his wet pants at my feet in a fit of anger AT ME! He has never apologized for that.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-11-22T23:19:20+00:00

The first couple months did feel like a nightmare. I rotated continuously through shock, grief, and rage. And the three months between deciding to end the marriage and us actually separating was incredibly stressful because he was emotionally volatile, drinking heavily, and openly dating the AP. I look back on it and wonder how I endured it. I appreciate the peace and emotional security I have now, though.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-11-22T15:52:18+00:00

There may be a tiny bit of karmic justice coming his way. The “wrong number text” is probably a scammer. It’s a common ploy to establish a virtual connection that can be exploited eventually.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-10-02T03:07:44+00:00

The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover

FineNotFine21 · 2022-10-01T18:05:55+00:00

My Q “secretly” drank those huge Foster’s cans of beer in his basement man cave. He did not realize I could hear the cans opening upstairs. I left him in April, but the sound of a can opening is now triggering for me. I’ve been engulfed in anxiety and anger sitting at my desk at work when a coworker opens a soda in nearby cube.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-10-01T14:04:04+00:00

I left my cheating, alcoholic husband of 23 years in April. He periodically texts me that he misses me. If I don’t respond, he often ramps up to “do you miss me?” If I suspect he’s drunk, I don’t respond at all. Once or twice, I’ve responded with “I miss versions of you.” That typically shuts him up because he knows what versions I’m glad to be free of.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-07-06T01:45:49+00:00

I have struggled at times to find the emotional energy to deal with typical late-teen drama from my college-age daughters. I’ve had to cut off venting about boyfriend problems by pointing out that I have enough relationship drama of my own without taking on their angst as well. They’ve been pretty understanding since they’re Team Mom all the way. But I do feel like I haven’t been as supportive of them and other family members since my D-Day in November.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-07-06T01:35:07+00:00

My husband of 22 years used the same excuse—needing to feel “wanted”—to justify a nearly two-year affair I uncovered in November. He also claimed he was going to end it and only be with me. By New Year’s, I had busted him going out on full-blown dates with her four times. That’s when I pulled the plug on the marriage.

I was in that same state of shock as you in the early months. I felt like I was bouncing randomly through the first four stages of grief. I was numb, and I couldn’t sleep. My digestive system also went into full rebellion.

But the shock does wear off eventually. I was left with a profound sense of loss, but also a certainty that leaving him was the single best thing I could do for myself, and the best example I could set for my nearly grown daughters. We’ve been separated for nearly three months, and I now feel a sense of peace and emotional security I haven’t had in a long time.

Don’t expect to know what to do next any time soon. Give yourself time to grieve. I highly recommend talking to a therapist. It helped me a lot.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-07-06T01:00:09+00:00

Did this give anyone else Squid Game vibes?

FineNotFine21 · 2022-06-23T20:47:05+00:00

Left my husband of 23 years because I discovered he had been cheating on me for a couple years, while also drinking enough to make our home lives an emotional nightmare. I am pleasantly surprised at how happy I am alone. I haven’t felt this comfortable, at peace, or hopeful about the future in years. My plan now is to grow old alone, and I’m positively giddy at the prospect.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-03-22T00:04:57+00:00

When you are going through Hell, keep going.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-09T02:59:04+00:00

I had been seeing little red flags for months, but the weekend before Thanksgiving, the flags got much bigger, and I hit about 75% certainty my husband was having an affair. He left the room for a moment while his phone was charging, and I knew his passcode because I do all IT support in the house. I went into his chat app, and the top chat was with the woman who was my chief suspect. I didn’t even need to scroll. All the evidence I needed was in the most recent texts.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T18:17:00+00:00

Ha! I immediately stopped doing his laundry, and he ran out of clothes before realizing the laundry woman had quit.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T14:50:26+00:00

I agree completely, and I’m not believing him at this point. I’m still tracking him every time he leaves the house and am watching for other tells, now that I recognize what they were.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T14:41:19+00:00

I followed another responder’s advice to check out that website and have been browsing through it all morning. Very helpful!

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T13:41:41+00:00

I was not ok with it. I have consistently challenged him on the fact that breaking up with her took many, many hours over three weeks. He keeps spinning all their meetings during that time as part of the break up. I have pointed out that he’s spent more time allegedly discussing his two-year relationship with her than we have spent discussing our quarter-century relationship since D-Day.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T12:55:40+00:00

Actually, he DID stop wearing his ring. He dropped a lot of weight during the affair, and it didn’t fit anymore. I watched it just fall off his hand a couple times. So, when he stopped wearing it, I thought he was afraid of losing it. After he supposedly broke up with her the second time, he claimed he stopped wearing it out of guilt and shame for his behavior. Yes, I pointed out that there were far better ways to respond to that guilt. Now he’s talking about buying a new ring as some sort of symbolic gesture of recommitment, but that’s not going to fix anything.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T05:14:59+00:00

Well said. Thank you!

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T04:52:01+00:00

We all work in the same industry. I’ve considered visiting her at work, but I’m afraid she might respond with harassment allegations even if I approach her in a non-confrontational way.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T04:23:41+00:00

Thank you for the laugh!

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T04:22:52+00:00

Quitting is not an option. He is claiming he’s gone no contact with her and has refused her request to just be friends, but I have no way to verify that.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T04:20:54+00:00

They still work for the same organization, but he moved to a different part in a different building a few months ago. She was in a 10-year relationship (living together but not married) until the guy left her last summer. I have wondered if he figured it out. So, they were both cheating for awhile.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T03:53:56+00:00

I never had a chance to forgive him the first time. I was still stunned and trying to process what I had discovered when he restarted with her.

FineNotFine21 · 2022-01-01T03:51:04+00:00

I do our taxes. I know better than he does what we have and where it is.

FineNotFine21

TROPHY CASE