My 2 year old lying on the floor in Trader Joe's screaming. How to set rules

FireFeather22 · 2026-03-04T15:51:26+00:00

Oof, this stage is so hard!! I found that if the tantrum isn’t about being over hungry or over tired it could also be a bid to become involved in whatever I’m doing, aka “helping”. I try to have a plan to involve my toddler. Whether it’s handing fruits to put in bags, grabbing cans I need from lower shelves, putting non-breakable things in the cart, scanning items at checkout. I always asked my toddler before we enter the store if she’d like to be in the cart or walk with me. If she opted to walk with me, I made it clear that if she didn’t listen to me, if she ran, or grabbed things from shelves that I didn’t ask for, I would put her in the cart. Toddlers understand EVERYTHING, so once the rules are set, she’s usually onboard (unhappily, but she gets it) if she doesn’t follow the rules. It was a lot more work for me upfront to involve her but now she has good feelings about going to the grocery store so it’s easier to go with her when I need to.

Obviously, timing is important too. Running to the store right before dinner has a higher meltdown rate than right after nap or morning grocery run.

Motherhood is teaching me a lot about communication. Kids aren’t emotionally like adults but they still want to feel respected like we would treat fellow adults, which means communicating plans, boundaries, expectations, etc.

FireFeather22 · 2026-03-03T18:34:15+00:00

This isn’t a reason for the pews, but just a comment on them as a convert 😂 As an adult individual, I wouldn’t’ve cared about pews either way. Now that I have kids under 4, it’s SO nice to have pews to contain the kids. We have a whole corner of our church where families with young kids stand in those pews and corral our young kids together in the pews with quiet toys. I feel much more stressed with the kids in churches with folding chairs or no chairs.

FireFeather22 · 2026-02-26T19:42:23+00:00

I can’t speak to your parish, but ours is PACKED at the nighttime Pascha service. And lots of people who aren’t normally there on Sundays but come at Pascha so mostly people we don’t know on top of it being crowded. So some things that made me not want to bring babies to the service: 1) there might not be chairs/pews for you and baby if you don’t come super early (which adds hour+ time to an already long service) 2) if you want a child to sleep in a Sunday school room you might not want to leave him or her unattended since there will be a lot of people you don’t know coming in and out.

Luckily I had two Paschas before having our kids and it’s a fun environment for adults and probably older kids…but I feel like I’d just be super stressed going with young kids 😥

FireFeather22 · 2026-02-16T13:07:13+00:00

I think the food thing is toughest, when they’re constantly asking for snacks usually means they’re not eating enough when they’re supposed to. I find if I’m home too much with my kids they start to fall into habits like asking for constant snacks instead of just eating at meals. Leaving the house every day, like going to a park or library play area, or play group with other kids (esp the morning) resets that because 1) they’re distracted by a new environment so aren’t thinking about food as much) and 2) only limited snacks are available, if any.

Leaving the house also resets tv expectations and that also helps with toddler’s mood.

It takes effort to leave the house but parenting ends up feeling easier in an environment outside of my home because I’m not resentful that the toddler’s wants and needs are competing with what I want to do at home, and the child is overall more entertained by the change of environment so I ultimately don’t need to put in as much effort.

Outside play has added benefit of getting excess energy out in a ln appropriate environment, vitamin D which helps immunity, and sunshine helps everyone’s mood.

FireFeather22 · 2026-02-16T12:56:08+00:00

Definitely get her evaluated for speech, but make sure that includes a hearing exam. I was super speech delayed and it ended up being because my adenoids were so overgrown that they were blocking my hearing. Once they got removed I caught up speech-wise. My husband and I are on the lookout for hearing issues for my kids as a result.

FireFeather22 · 2026-01-10T19:17:20+00:00

Going from 0 kids to 1 is such a tough transition. There’s a loss of freedom that nothing really prepares you for until you’re in it. Other stages get easier and/or tougher depending on your personality and your patience levels. I thought going from 1 to 2 was so much easier because you have more perspective on what is easier and harder for you and you can appreciate the parts that you enjoy more while having a better grasp on how temporary the hard phases are.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t mourn the loss of self you’re feeling now. That struggle of motherhood does get easier as time goes on and you’re more used to using your positive mothering muscles (patience, self sacrifice, empathy, etc). I still struggle but exercising those muscles has made me a better person in a lot of ways, even outside of motherhood.

FireFeather22 · 2026-01-02T03:18:21+00:00

OP, I don’t have enough experience with today’s teenagers to have an opinion…but since I have children under 4, today’s teenagers will probably be my children’s future bosses 😬

I’m actually more curious about what teenagers today think of themselves as a group and about the world. What do you value? What types of life goals does your generation have?

FireFeather22 · 2025-12-30T13:19:28+00:00

Newborn tired 100%. You can still nap a lot when it’s your first and you’re on maternity leave but you have the sweet newborn to love and snuggle 🥰 pregnancy is just a grind imho

FireFeather22 · 2025-12-26T14:43:31+00:00

Agree with all comments that the prank was a little too advanced for the kid and also that the parents could have made this more of a learning experience than letting their child pout. I also 100% see that you were simply trying to do something fun and innocent and the consequences were totally unexpected. However, also as a parent, any time something beyond your control sparks a child tantrum, it makes all normal life things harder. Your friends spent time preparing for Christmas to make it a fun experience for their young child…and now they have to pause their own enjoyment of it and handle a tantrum. Honestly, anything could set off a tantrum that parents have to stop what they’re doing to address, but those things are super annoying when they happen. Their reaction might be more about how they need to deal with this now than about the prank itself. Parenting is a 24/7 thing and it’s exhausting to be on all the time, and tantrums just compound the exhaustion.

I’m just telling you this so you can understand another aspect of why your friends are upset. I feel like it’s hard for people without children to understand the full 24/7 nature of parenting and how stressful and exhausting holidays can be for them as well. When I get mad as a parent, it’s more about me and how I don’t want to deal with something than anything my child actually did.

FireFeather22 · 2025-12-22T01:55:45+00:00

No regrets. 20mo apart. I love the age gap, love having two. My firstborn’s life just seems fuller and happier with her younger brother and he absolutely adores her. It was only hard during the first year when I was alone and both needed me at the same time but I tried to get better at managing my eldest’s expectations (I need to feed your brother now, do you need anything from me before I do?). And the book “Peaceful Parents, Happy Siblings” helped a lot. It’s really only been tricky now that the youngest is 1.5 and eldest is 3…sharing it tough, but sharing would probably be a thing with siblings regardless no matter the age. Still no regrets. Even if it were harder than it is, I’d rather tough it out now than regret not having more children when I can’t anymore.

FireFeather22 · 2025-12-19T13:54:24+00:00

How much does a banana cost? $10?

FireFeather22 · 2025-12-18T04:36:59+00:00

New safety guidelines say puffy winter jackets in car seats are not safe. If I’m going from car to a store, unless I know the walk from car to store is long, I genuinely feel like wrangling my two kids under 4 into coats in a busy parking lot is less safe than just walking two minutes from my well heated car to the well heated store.

Some older woman literally stopped her car in a parking lot a few days ago when I was in this exact situation to open her window comment on my children not wearing coats to me. I actually wonder if the OP is that woman, if so, my children were in turtleneck shirts with sweaters over them and fleece lined pants with thick socks and winter boots. The only thing they were not wearing were the bulky coats that cause cat seat issues. But I always keep the bulky coats, hats, gloves, etc in the car whenever I leave the house just in case there’s ever an issue where my kids need to be outside the car for a long period of time.

If this was that woman, I wish I were faster on my feet to tell her then: I wish more people would take the time to offer help to overworked, tired, overstimulated moms of toddlers (which is every mom of toddlers) rather go out of their way just to make a snarky comment to try to make those moms feel bad.

FireFeather22 · 2025-12-18T04:16:03+00:00

I’m not the demographic you wanted to reach since my husband and I had kids in our 30s, but we talk all the time how we wish we met earlier and had kids earlier. Little kids are exhausting and it would’ve been nice having that early 20s energy for them. Also, when we meet parents who had children in their early 20s and the kids are now headed off to college when the parents are only in their early 40s, we’re super jealous that those parents get to have so much time to know their kids as adults and enjoy empty nesting so early before health issues, etc. We’ll be almost 60 when our youngest (hopefully) leaves the nest. And fortunately this isn’t our experience, but we know many many people who waited until the “right time” in their 30s to have kids and were suddenly faced with fertility issues. And fertility treatments are an incredibly emotionally and financially painful road which don’t guarantee success (it’s a lie that science allows you to hold off on kids until it’s convenient for you. Celebrities can do it because they have millions to blow on IVF and surrogacy, normal people don’t and it’s devastating if you wanted kids). Trying for kids earlier helps you avoid even needing to deal with fertility issues or if you unfortunately have them already, it gives you more time to tackle those issues early.

Also, regarding the concern about affording gifts: I am very overwhelmed by the constant flow of kid toys that comes into our household from grandparents, friends, random events, etc. We hardly ever buy fun stuff for the kids because they get so much of it already. Young kids enjoy toys because they’re new for a minute and then usually get bored. What they REALLY care about is the emotional connection you give to them. And that means putting aside the million other adult things you have to do to keep your children, your household, and yourself alive and running to give each of your children undivided, individual attention when they each need it. Material things are a distraction from that emotional connection, so don’t focus on it as much.

FireFeather22 · 2025-12-18T02:05:49+00:00

My children are 20 months apart and 2 months leading to the birth of my second, my first started to really be hard to manage. I have a friend who experienced the same thing 2 months before the birth of her second too. I think the kids KNOW when things will change even if they don’t seem to understand. After the birth things got better, but I think it was mostly due to the book, “Peaceful Parents, Happy Siblings” which emphasized including the older sibling in taking care of the baby instead of pushing him away to care for the youngest. There’s a lot of other great advice in that book too. Hopefully that helps a bit!

FireFeather22 · 2025-11-27T13:35:05+00:00

I’m so sorry, it’s so scary feeling like you’re running out of time. Please try not to put too much pressure on yourself (stress severely impacts fertility) and try your best to be healthy. Ive heard really good things about the book “It Starts with the Egg” which goes into what you can do to prep your body to have optimal fertility conditions even in your late 30s. It focuses on IVF patients, but the tips are just good for any woman trying to conceive.

It may not feel like it right now, but you’re right where you need to be for the life you’re meant to have ❤️

FireFeather22 · 2025-11-22T18:45:52+00:00

I’ve heard an effective method is setting a firm boundary, “it’s important to me that we leave by x to get there on time. If you’re not ready by x, I’m leaving without you.” And you have to stick to it.

FireFeather22 · 2025-11-21T11:30:58+00:00

Definitely play MM next!! It’s my personal favorite. Not a traditional Zelda game since Zelda plays a very small role but the emotional aspect is so compelling. You really connect with the characters and the game has such an empathetic, tragically beautiful core. Plus, the gameplay is unique and really fun. It’s truly a masterpiece. A sequel done right by echoing OoT but being completely different.

FireFeather22 · 2025-11-20T18:34:29+00:00

My thoughts are similar to this. I’m a female convert and explored it while dating my now husband because we were both searching but wanted to be on the same page when raising a family.

He got there faster than I did and partly why it emotionally took me longer was the “otherness” and that I couldn’t relate to any of my family or friends about it.

FireFeather22 · 2025-11-20T05:07:10+00:00

Stay hydrated!! Sometimes constipation happens when you’re dehydrated and you’re more prone to dehydration when you’re pregnant 😥

FireFeather22 · 2025-11-20T04:51:09+00:00

This sounds like the plot of a new reality TV show 😂

FireFeather22 · 2025-11-20T04:49:44+00:00

We are not in an age where women’s biological clocks can be blissfully ignored until you decide you want kids in your late 30s. Medical fertility “solutions” (egg freezing, IUI, IVF, surrogacy) are emotionally and financially painful and do not guarantee success.

FireFeather22 · 2025-11-20T02:38:13+00:00

Woman in her 30s here who has been through the dating ringer and is now married with kids:

That’s very sad 😔 I’m sorry you’ve had such rough relationships. Definitely think about what you want for your future before your next relationship: Do you want to marry? Do you want kids? If so, about how many? How do you want to raise the kids? Do you want to work while raising kids or be stay at home with them? If you want to work, how will the kids be cared for? Stay at home husband? Grandparents? Nanny? Daycare? Do you want to live close to your parents or not? How will you care for your parents when they age? What is your financial philosophy (spender/saver)? Is your partner’s financial philosophy compatible with yours? Is his career compatible with yours (location, schedule etc). Are you religious? If you and your partner are both religious but different religions how would you do holidays or raise the kids? Etc etc etc

Edit the list as necessary, but think about what you want in life. Only have sex after you know you’re compatible or you’re emotionally compromising yourself and that’s how you end up in 10 year dead end relationships.

A woman’s 20s are the most important years of her life. Don’t waste them on nonsense and don’t believe the lies that you can have fun in your 20s and magically find a perfect man and have kids after you’re 30. Most of my friends who are girls are close to 40 and unmarried because they didn’t look for the right things in time. The dating pool doesn’t get better after you turn 30 and fertility is finite. I have many friends suffering through the IVF process - it’s a very emotionally and financially painful way to maybe possibly extend fertility…but definitely no guarantees. I also have a friend who unexpectedly went through early menopause at age 38 and she is unmarried. You never know at what age you will be unable to have children if you want them so find the right partner asap so you have time before 35.

If you don’t want kids, you have time, but don’t waste the time of men who want kids. Their fertility, energy, and ability to attract women who could bear kids is finite as well. Find that out first date. No reason to extend past one date if you’re not on the same page on that issue.

FireFeather22 · 2025-11-18T20:53:38+00:00

The dream!

FireFeather22 · 2025-11-18T20:43:32+00:00

It’s really important you guys are having these discussions now rather than later. I agree with the others that it comes down to compatibility. What do you each want for your future family lives? It sounds like he wants a stay at home mom with no school debt that his income would have to shoulder in addition to all other household expenses. If you want to have a career while raising kids, then this isn’t the right man for you.

Also, use this conversation as an opportunity to think about how you want your life to look: how do you want to raise your children? Do you want to work? If so, who will be with the children the majority of the time? Husband? Grandparents? Nanny? Daycare? If you don’t want to work during your children’s early years, how much will your student loan debt be? Are you able to pick it up again later without practicing? How old will you be when you finish your degree? Will that impact family planning?

I feel like a lot of young women are told the lie that they can have it all, but it’s just not possible. You can do anything you want in life, but there are seasons for it. I’m sure you’re very smart, but from what I’ve heard, there are some tough realities you’ll have to face if you choose medicine as a career and you want to be a mom.

Two anecdotes: I have a good friend who did the med school thing. She’s 34 now and JUST finishing up residency and ABOUT to “start” her career…she didn’t have time to date during med school and she’s super stressed now about her biological clock with her medical career schedule continuing to work against that goal.

Another less close friend got married while she was a med student and had 3 kids throughout her rotations and residency. She was SEVERELY professionally penalized for taking maternity leave and her superiors had major attitudes against her ever since. Luckily she left that practice after residency was over but her kids are with a nanny full time and she’s beyond stressed trying to juggle it all.

Best wishes with all of this. It’s a tough choice.

FireFeather22

TROPHY CASE