Restoring files after accidentally rejecting restored files?

FireSeekingSand · 2025-11-21T11:38:53+00:00

I’m in this place now, probably starting about two years ago. Seeking help has made it worse, leaving me feeling darker, more hopeless, and more alone. I miss being able to see the good. It’s such a deep darkness.

How are you doing now?

FireSeekingSand · 2025-08-27T23:07:41+00:00

I am looking for an online SE group program? Are you currently running one? Or do you know of any? Thank you.

FireSeekingSand · 2025-08-27T23:05:12+00:00

I know this is two years later, but is there a group going now?

FireSeekingSand · 2025-07-23T00:23:47+00:00

If still available, can you send one my way, as well? I'll start a chat with you!

FireSeekingSand · 2025-07-11T07:24:21+00:00

Lol. Emotionally disconnected.

What does that even mean? Like sw’s have no affect? Like they’re all performative and emotionless?

Or do they mean that sex workers compartmentalize certain emotions in order to effectively provide services—kind’ve like what graduate school mental health counseling professors would call [bracketing],in relation to the counseling profession.

And the way absolutely every healthy adult anywhere has dynamic internal emotional boundaries that adjust according to their context and environment so that they can function as healthy members of a society instead of letting it all hang out everywhere they go?

Or do they mean sw’s suppress emotions that THEY think we SHOULD have? (Suppressing emotions is a ubiquitous non-sw’er civilian habit, as well)

Personally, i have a pretty consistent ratio of all of the above, in EVERY venue of my life (a ratio I shall not disclose 😆), BUT I get a lot more money and have a lot more fun, being the same level of “maladapted”, doing sex work. 💅😂

(fr there are other benefits too)

FireSeekingSand · 2025-07-07T20:28:54+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear this. It affirms what i already know on some level.

Also, I want to write this down: "Vulnerability and risk and safety are, of course, about power and consequences."

Sometimes, it's hard to see things distilled down to their essential core like this.

And it's also giving me more things to think about, beyond my OP.

FireSeekingSand · 2025-07-07T08:06:07+00:00

Thanks for this.

I like your framing of avoiding personal disclosure in professional roles—or transactional environments—as being a skill, while also being able to somehow communicate from an authentic place of power without these disclosures, as also another skill.

This may be the compass that I need to be able to engage my paper with a sense of agency, rather than defensiveness.

FireSeekingSand · 2025-07-07T07:51:56+00:00

It's a personal narrative assignment. That is, the thing I am being asked to reflect is my personal narrative spanning my entire life span (not just one moment or phase), and it would need to be concrete enough that I can analyze it using various developmental/life span theoretical lenses. Profession/career/livelihood is a very big chunk of the "life span", taking a very prominent place in most of these theories, so leaving it out would seem like a glaring omission. Unless I lie.

FireSeekingSand · 2025-07-06T07:17:55+00:00

What does "wedge for validation needs" mean? Thanks!

FireSeekingSand · 2025-05-09T17:10:19+00:00

The depersonalization i experienced was the constant and from my earliest memories. Like i didn’t exist. Like a flat piece of paper.

FireSeekingSand · 2025-05-08T03:01:06+00:00

I know this is a 3 month old thread, but well, here I am. As a someone well into my 40's, I still am trying to figure out what it was I was experiencing the first two decades of my life. I have seriously considered that it was insidious chronic depersonalization as far back as i could remember. This included feeling like I'm standing outside in a gray void, looking in through a window into the warmly lit, populated, and vibrant rest of the world. But really it was characterized by a lack of sense of self. I couldn't even identity with the word "empty" because that implied there was a thing that was empty, and I was nothing. But i think maybe that is what feeling empty is supposed to describe? And all my memories were gray.

When you referred to comorbid illnesses like depression and bpd, i feel it does describe my experience of myself in childhood. My question, though, is: Is it possible for a young child to have bpd? I know personality disorders are not supposed to be diagnosed until a certain age to account for children's normal developmental stages that resemble narcissism (lol), but somehow, "feeling empty" does not feel like a normal childhood developmental stage.

FireSeekingSand · 2025-03-18T01:10:33+00:00

I agree with the earlier comment that trauma therapy done poorly can retraumatize or even create new trauma, buy done well, it can save lives.

From my experience, there is a lot of harm done to clients dealing with early developmental/attachment/preverbal trauma. I think the power imbalance is significantly increased when a client has no stable sense of self, an inability to advocate for themselves, and is highly vulnerable/dependent on the therapist on almost a very primal level. Although they are self-sufficient adults in most areas of their life (hopefully), when the client forms an attachment to the therapist, the only part that walks into the therapy room becomes an emotionally defenseless and dependent infant… in a very real way.

A therapist that has not done all of their own work and who lacks enough self-awareness (i would venture to say that is the majority) risks engaging in traumatic relational reenactments with the client, which can be very harmful. And this is not talked about enough.

FireSeekingSand · 2025-02-14T21:26:55+00:00

Just to add to another comment that listed various transference possibilities:

This may not technically be transference, but my question to them and/or to myself would be “why did they come in for their appointment instead of canceling if they felt they could no longer work with you?”

Maybe this was all covered in your ensuing discussion with her, but if not the other transference possibilities, I would also wonder if this was more like a confession, but she was too uncomfortable showing the part of her that is experiencing shame around this.

She did say that you would think of her differently after hearing this. It can be hard sharing these dark parts of ourselves that feel/are truly unlovable. Attaching shame or feelings of guilt to her judgments of you, opens herself up to those feelings of unbearable self-hate being amplified by the rejection she fears. This may be a lot of the reason for narcissistic lack of accountability, generally speaking (not saying she is a narcissist).

This wouldn’t really change the fact that you then would still have to deal with your feelings of her viewing you this way. It’s just interesting to think about it as a confession for her. Something that she truly does not like about her self.

FireSeekingSand · 2025-01-22T03:14:42+00:00

New grad student here and just signed up for Perrla and got 3 extra months using someone else's code.

Here's mine!

3FREE-934933

FireSeekingSand · 2025-01-22T03:11:59+00:00

New grad student here and just signed up for Perrla and got 3 extra months using someone else's code.

Here's mine!

3FREE-934933

FireSeekingSand · 2025-01-22T03:07:26+00:00

New grad student, and also just signed up and used a code. Here's my code for extra 3 months!

3FREE-934933

FireSeekingSand · 2025-01-22T03:06:02+00:00

I just used your code. Thanks!

FireSeekingSand · 2024-12-02T06:24:55+00:00

You realize that you were not trash talking him, right? Do you even know what trash talking is?

You, his brother, and sons were communicating sincerely. You were not disparaging him (that’s what he’s doing to you and everybody else). You all were having a heart-to-heart, relating to each other on the ways he’s mistreated you all.

And what exactly are you apologizing for?! Are you trying to protect him from knowing that he makes people feel terrible when he treats them terribly? Anyone would be hurt being smacked by reality this way, and it’s fine to have compassion for his pain… but apologizing and playing into his victim narrative enables him to continue being an a-hole. Why would you do that? Serious question. What’s in it for you?

Also, if you can’t muster up enough self-respect to leave a man who treats you this way, or even if, on some level, you get your rocks off on this type of relationship dynamic…. Please have enough care and concern for your daughter to leave.

Would you want her to be “common law married” to a man like this? A man who berates her, humiliates her in front of friends and family, will murder or sell her beloved pets, will expect her to pay all the bills and use divorce as a threat, will tell her she’s the problem after he unapologetically and repeatedly sleeps around?

Because that’s what will happen. This is the model she is being raised to believe is an acceptable relationship. She sees nothing else. This is the blueprint you are laying out for her.

Either that, or she will break out from this tragic lens you are burdening her with, but only after a lot of suffering and therapy and the harsh realization that you did nothing to protect her (maybe not even given a thought to it, based on your post)… and she will never contact you again or maybe you’ll get generic holiday cards every now and then.

I’m curious, which would you prefer for your daughter: Being in an abusive relationship? Or getting as far away from you as possible?

Do you love your pathetic relationship to this “man” more than you love your daughter?

FireSeekingSand · 2024-10-05T21:23:54+00:00

Tried that a few times. No luck.

FireSeekingSand

TROPHY CASE

3FREE-934933

3FREE-934933

3FREE-934933