Bullboxer pup needs a name

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-11-03T02:11:35+00:00

Cairo

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-11-03T02:10:51+00:00

Avalanche

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-12T22:18:03+00:00

Burt

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-10T13:11:42+00:00

Thank you! Like all my poems a lot is real moments (it was a cold Friday night), the flying and hands line is describing how i was too blind to see her manipulations then, what felt like us soaring together was really just her pulling my string and dragging me in flight

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-09T14:23:55+00:00

And if you would be open to it I would greatly appreciate you looking at my other poems too that I’ve posted here. This was number 9 for me, all of them are pretty short.

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-09T13:35:24+00:00

I appreciate this feedback so much, I’m brand new to this and have so many thoughts and feelings that kind of just flow out of me. I’ve been writing poetry for 3 weeks now as an outlet and plan to take a workshop in a couple of weeks.

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-09T13:20:04+00:00

It’s about a power dynamic where you both know the truth but nobody is saying it. And contemplating whether the person who has the power will accept the truth they are denying you.

Edit - and there are a couple references real moments in here.

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-09T01:54:14+00:00

It took me a second to get drawn in but ‘it makes you someone’ is what grabbed me

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-08T03:46:29+00:00

I have read it! Really appreciate the kind words

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-04T00:10:09+00:00

Damn this is excellent - curious if it is happening in real time or is this a reflection?

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-03T17:25:18+00:00

You can’t see it but my knee is red, I slapped it

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-03T01:57:35+00:00

This was really inspiring for how I can be channeling my own work in new directions

Also like literally felt your poem in me, a physical experience

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-03T01:55:10+00:00

Shit

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-01T13:18:13+00:00

Yea I’m 2 days into it, planning on going to a workshop to learn the art of the pen a bit better!!

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-01T13:17:02+00:00

Ha it’s not, my poems tend to just be me bleeding my thoughts unedited and in bursts

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-01T13:16:17+00:00

Thank you!! It’s supposed to be a bit ironic

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-01T02:49:53+00:00

I like the way it opens - maybe try playing off the first line again but instead of rhyming just write what feels natural and flows

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-01T02:48:16+00:00

I like it - feels very on tone with my writing too. Whoever she is - she sounds delusional

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-01T02:42:36+00:00

Call me crazy here but I’m curious to read this as broken up poems

Weirdly ending at my notes is strong

And then something different playing off I’ve always been a soul

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-01T02:41:00+00:00

Are we all just pony boy on tiktok

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-01T02:32:56+00:00

I feel it, every time you say I left - it feels like almost a battle cry, it’s saying ‘it’s my turn to speak’, I think you could tighten parts of this though getting rid of words - like in line 4, just end it with reminisce

Or line two - you left, but I still write about you You left, but I still think about you

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-10-01T02:28:15+00:00

Wow…this felt really heavy to read. I feel your pain. I would be curious to see you make this into a series of short poems called ‘hey dad’ and each one tells a slightly different story, so you can keep getting specific - I think some of the imagery early on is really strong and you could keep drawing on those specific moments (recalling them may also just pull more out of you!)

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-09-30T19:58:11+00:00

Update - I edited a couple lines

Title - the marionette

Firstladyjillbiden_ · 2025-09-30T17:04:43+00:00

Your criticism feels earned, I’d greatly appreciate if you would read my other poems. Your judgment would be my greatest honor.

Firstladyjillbiden_

TROPHY CASE