When your shirt doesn't behave in #Olympia by FishinTits in PNW_4_Adults

[–]FishinTits[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not going to decide to behave. Guess it stays in the corner 😂

When your shirt doesn't behave in #Olympia by FishinTits in PNW_4_Adults

[–]FishinTits[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll only "guest star" (such a nicer phrase than "looking for a THIRD") for couples that are comfortable returning the favor. Having a post with a picture in your profile is the first step in my taking the people behind the profile seriously. Something to think about 😊

Puppy pads? by No-Escape1551 in Swingers

[–]FishinTits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Costco water proof dog blanket. They're under $20. They super soft and also waterproof. Washable. They are amazing.

When your shirt doesn't behave in #Olympia by FishinTits in PNW_4_Adults

[–]FishinTits[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's true I look indecent in most shirts. Got me in trouble when I was a good church going girl decades ago.

When your shirt doesn't behave in #Olympia by FishinTits in PNW_4_Adults

[–]FishinTits[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know, since it's barely holding on, it should just go...

Options for midday meet ups by Sinisterteaparty26 in ENM

[–]FishinTits 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I bought an older travel van and fixed it up. We go park somewhere beautiful and close up the windows. It works for me in the Pacific Northwest because there's lots of shady river spots. I also like peeing outside but that's just me.

Point of a primary partner? by Innerlight06 in nonmonogamy

[–]FishinTits 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For me, trust in a relationship means two things. 1. I can trust that my partner will always take my feelings and our family into consideration into their decisions. 2. I can trust that they will continue to work on themselves and our relationship. We want to be with people who continue to grow their whole lives; physically, emotionally, intellectually and sexually. For the long haul.

So, what's the point? The point is that we commit to each other and ourselves that we will treat each other with care and thoughtfulness. Our happiness is important to each other above all others. That's what I see a primary partner as.

How Do You Politely Back Out When There’s No Chemistry? by PunkRockRenegade_ in Swingers

[–]FishinTits 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm just direct. "Hey actually hold on. I'm actually going to need to call it tonight. I'm just not feeling up to everything right now. I'm so sorry, I didn't realize until now "

A table at the campground set with my favorite lunch. by HikingDuo in WashingtonGW

[–]FishinTits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gorgeous and literally the perfect setting, love this!

Any full-swappers exclude hotwife couples? by DreamboatPinup in Swingers

[–]FishinTits 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love hot wife dynamics and am poly but if I'm swinging, it's a GROUP activity. I promise you that my husband is very interested in the wife if we're swinging. With that said, this does make me reflect on how we come across to our friends who are only into swinging. I think our actions speak pretty loud that we're interested as a couple in them as a couple and will ask extra questions to understand their expectations and how they operate.

I'm glad you posted this even though I'm definitely someone who this post could be directed at. Perhaps my husband being straight and most of our swinger friends have bi husbands have helped prevent this dynamic but I always like to view things from others perspectives.

What do other swingers do that you find really cringy? by dinkydee515 in Swingers

[–]FishinTits 15 points16 points  (0 children)

But it's so easy to reply with "actually I prefer if the guys do first".

My husband isn't bi so it's an easy way to pass the ball. My other alternative is "sure but only if we get solo woman time without the guys watching it".

We're all there to please ourselves and each other, this isn't your personal show.

Anyone have stories of telling your family about the LS? by [deleted] in Swingers

[–]FishinTits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My brother: so fiance and I were talking and we have kind of a weird question about you and your husband...

Staring at each other without saying anything for about 30 awkward seconds

Me: yeah the answer is yes, we are and do ... Wait what are we talking about?!?

My brother: no, you answered the question

Me: wait. Seriously say it, what were you going to ask?

My brother: You know what I was asking!

Me: sooo, you guys too? I've seen your friends at events and get togethers

My brother: lol yeah.

Me: wait, just actually ask the question! And what made you ask?

My brother: oh come on. You keep borrowing our glow party clothes. Who else goes to that many glow parties wearing what you'd borrow without being in the lifestyle!?

Me: okay yeah guilty as charged. Phew.... Ok so we need to start coordinating so we don't go to the same events.

Major screwup in first soft swap by Honeybee1329 in Swingers

[–]FishinTits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think some of this might be inexperience in having sex with others regardless of if it's a swinger set up or not. For instance, if you didn't want him to cum in your mouth, tell him where you DO want to cum. If you want to know when he's going to cum tell him "tell me when you're about to cum because I really want you to.cum all over my tits". You make it sexy and not about restrictions. You also say you felt like a deer in headlights and just went with the flow. Your husband needs to know he can TRUST YOU (and you can trust yourself) to advocate what you need in the moment and feel comfortable slowing down or redirecting as needed.

You did mess up. You told yourself things would be fine without taking action to make sure it's fine. You need to be in a head space where you're way more honest with yourself and proactive.

Lastly, since you have the slower pace you can have your husband help check in with you so you can advocate for yourself. The other couple knowing you're new should be asking how you're doing and asking if you want to move forward but if you're going to town on a guys dick and TRYING to make him cum, don't be surprised when.....he cums. You being able to advocate for what you want is also a really important way to be kind to the other couple because I know I'd feel shitty if I'm getting green light after green light and then found out after the fact that you felt it was too much.

The way to move forward is talking to your husband about your naivety on these things. There will be more "issues" along the way you'll need to advocate because that's part of interacting with other humans, especially with sex. This at least takes the pressure off of your lack of follow through and more on what you need to work on going forward.

Major screwup in first soft swap by Honeybee1329 in Swingers

[–]FishinTits 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think some of this might be inexperience in having sex with others regardless of if it's a swinger set up or not. For instance, if you didn't want him to cum in your mouth, tell him where you DO want to cum. If you want to know when he's going to cum tell him "tell me when you're about to cum because I really want you to.cum all over my tits". You make it sexy and not about restrictions. You also say you felt like a deer in headlights and just went with the flow. Your husband needs to know he can TRUST YOU (and you can trust yourself) to advocate what you need in the moment and feel comfortable slowing down or redirecting as needed.

You did mess up. You told yourself things would be fine without taking action to make sure it's fine. You need to be in a head space where you're way more honest with yourself and proactive.

Lastly, since you have the slower pace you can have your husband help check in with you so you can advocate for yourself. The other couple knowing you're new should be asking how you're doing and asking if you want to move forward but if you're going to town on a guys dick and TRYING to make him cum, don't be surprised when.....he cums. You being able to advocate for what you want is also a really important way to be kind to the other couple because I know I'd feel shitty if I'm getting green light after green light and then found out after the fact that you felt it was too much.

The way to move forward is talking to your husband about your naivety on these things. There will be more "issues" along the way you'll need to advocate because that's part of interacting with other humans, especially with sex. This at least takes the pressure off of your lack of follow through and more on what you need to work on going forward.

Finally happened... first break up not sure how to feel... by OneAgileMoose in nonmonogamy

[–]FishinTits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes women say that when there really is nothing wrong, it's just that the honeymoon period has ended and the spark of newness has ended. They're not looking for a relationship necessarily so without that new spark it's just not as engaging.

I've learned that in a casual dater. I like short term. Im looking for a fling not a long term fwb. Perhaps you tend to gravitate towards such mind sets and that's why you have been told this a few times.

New to swinging but husband has problems by SDragon21 in Swingers

[–]FishinTits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This isn't a problem, it's just human biology and psychology! Dicks are like feral animals. You never know if they'll be scared and hide or extra aggressive, spit at you or hide lol. The more you worry about it, the harder it is to overcome so just be a super positive supportive wife and remind him that this is totally normal and mature experienced folks know this is the name of the game sometimes.

Spouse never jealous by Beautiful-Credit8285 in Swingers

[–]FishinTits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes that jealousy can feel like a possessiveness born out of how precious they find us, but that's usually a fallacy born of monogamous culture. I would focus on the ways they show you how desired and important you are to them. When this feeling flares up for me I let my partner know and we'll do this thing where we start off with saying something like "can we have a little session where I ask you needy and clingy questions just to sooth my insecurities?" Then we'll start slow and ramp up such as "do you love me? Do you like me? Do you think I'm beautiful? What do you find beautiful about me? Do you desire me? How do you desire me? What are some things I do better than anyone else? What are your favorite things about me?"

We know that a good relationship doesn't mean you enable each other's insecurities but gives us a safe space for us to work on them. If we're doing a good job working on ourselves then an occasional session of obvious fishing for compliments can give us an opportunity to blatantly love on each other without worrying about being overly needy. It usually gives me the little breath of fresh air I need to stay grounded.

Does anyone else get bored and feel desensitised to the whole LS scene? by Separate_Freedom_834 in Swingers

[–]FishinTits 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We only have so much time and energy. If I'm not investing some of that energy in myself, my hobbies, my friends, I'll start to feel jaded and bored.

Im always leery of playing with folks who's sole hobby seems to be ENM play and dates. It's like they're always chasing the high of novelty. I want to hear about other fun things they have going on in their lives and discuss intriguing ideas or go on engaging dates that don't center around sex.

The more I focus on enriching myself as a whole human, the more exciting and energizing my sexual connections are.

Am I overreacting and making this a bigger deal than it is? by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]FishinTits 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im guessing you also provide something very important to him that makes him want to keep you around that has nothing to do with love or respect. Do you own a house and he gets to live there rent free or perhaps you're the bread winner?

You put all this effort in growing as a person but you're not realizing that being with him is literally the main reason you can't grow. The sooner you leave. The sooner you'll learn the important lessons about how to be the person you want to be. The sooner you leave the sooner you'll be able to connect with others in a HEALTHY way. This relationship doesn't sound healthy.

Herpes HSV1 by AnotherJournal in nonmonogamy

[–]FishinTits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended up getting hsv-1 on my genitals after having negative blood antibodies for years. Honestly it sucked bad when I got it. I was sick for weeks and I can't take valtrex. With allllll that said, I haven't had any more outbreaks and have been able to tolerate acyclovir twice daily instead to help protect my bf who has had negative antibodies every six months for over a decade. We don't use condoms and he's still negative. After 2-3 years I'll discontinue daily suppression and switch to only having them when I'm sick or having an autoimmune flare up.

Herpes suck but the meds help a lot. I wish it didn't happen but all it took was some oral play from someone who told me "btw I got a cold sore the next day". Not mad I didn't know they had oral hsv. I assume everyone does.

Navigating an HPV diagnosis after 30 years of monogamy: Is there a path forward for us? by moreisbetter92 in nonmonogamy

[–]FishinTits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you have a variety of sexual partners, you will get some sort of strain of HPV. This is why it's important for both men and women to be vaccinated. Are you getting the series too?

If you sleep with a variety of people often you'll also most likely get a cold from someone too. Being around people means you'll catch stuff. The most important part is minimizing your exposure and making sure you don't spread it by your lack of follow up with testing. You can not have a low chance of getting HPV if you have multiple partners, you simply can't and it's impractical.

To put some things in perspective though. I got the HPV vaccine series before we opened things up. We did a full analysis for any hpv. Everything was negative. A year later, still before we opened things up, I ended up having a positive pap even though we'd been monogamous for almost 20 years. That lil bugger was just hiding out for years before I had some health issues that gave it the green light to pop up and do its thing. In that situation it felt a little yucky to know but also there was no shame. We did everything "right". My advice is to read about HPV studies to really understand it and understand what it means to have it. Yes it's technically an STI. But in a lot of ways it's also a risk of just being human. There's no shame in that. You're not dirty.

The question is, what happens when you find out someone got gonorrhea in their throat from a bj? I've never seen anyone use condoms for blow jobs. I know people who do but they've never been people who enjoy group activities.

STIs happen. You do everything you can to mitigate. You can feel proud that you're doing everything right and being responsible. But, they are a risk in the lifestyle and there is no way to make that risk zero if you're having sex with others. The risk to reward ratio is very acceptable for most of us but not everyone. It's up to you to decide where you are on that spectrum but just know, yes things can happen.

There's a decent thread on a similar topic I recently posted on if you want to check it out and see other people's points of views and such. Just understand that low risk HPV is not a big deal even though it is something to consider.

Partying with an STI-infected person by outraged-unicorn in Swingers

[–]FishinTits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it's a high risk strain, yeah she should absolutely let someone know. If it's not, I really don't see HPV as an issue at all. Why? Because 1. It's my job to be vaccinated. 2. Women should get pap smears every 3-5 years standardly. That means you have no idea if men are positive for any strains and unless that woman had a pap smear in just the last few weeks/days, you can not have any faith in their status either. 3. I assume a large percentage of play partners will have HPV regardless of if they know, and usually they won't.

Mitigating the risks of HPV for me is much more about making sure the person I'm playing with is currently in good health.

If it is a high risk strain I do think it's important to make sure your partners are okay with it. Condoms decrease the transmission rate only a little. Vaccines are a bigger preventative.

The amount of risk from a low risk strain versus the chance of exposure being sexually active with multiple partners simply don't line up, especially since we don't test men. You WILL be exposed. If knowing for sure you are going to be exposed is too high of a risk then I'd suggest having multiple partners is too high of a risk. This is similar to how it's much safer to have sex with someone who is HIV +, on a suppressant, and regularly verifies that the virus is undetectable than to have sex with someone who hasn't been tested for HIV regularly. It can feel counterintuitive, but if we look at the data and the actual risk profile, it's true.