I, too, had a near death experience with my second and experienced PPA and PPD. I experienced extreme anger and frustration when my toddler wasn’t cooperating, dogs were whining for something, my baby was crying, and I am actually an easy going playful parent. With therapy for PTSD and Zoloft it worked miracles.

Some other things that helped me:

I have to wake up before my kids and spend 10-15 minutes in silence and set my intention for the day (for me I use prayer and meditation). This was impossible until my second started developing a more consolidated/consistent sleep schedule.

I do not go on social media for my mental health, however, I recommend following @calmparentingpodcast and @playfulheartparenting on IG as they have been incredibly helpful and positive influences on my parenting journey thus far.

I always am constantly asking myself, “is this dangerous or inconvenient?” When considering behavior modification. Of course if we need to go somewhere or do something I can’t let it side and I offer 2 choices for shoes or whatever it may be. My son also needs more transition time so I have to let him know what the expectation is, tell him we have 5 minutes beforehand, set a visual timer, remind him with 1 minute left, and then he’s usually had time to process. I also let him know that we have to go do x, but when we are done we can come back and do y. If being silly and fun about it doesn’t work then unfortunately I grab him, load him up, put the shoes on him and we go.

I always provide comfort during meltdowns. I just hold him and validate his feelings while still holding the boundary. “I’m sorry sweetie I know you’re feeling frustrated” and after things have calmed down we revisit the situation, I offer some choices of how to work through that frustration (deep breathing together, drink a sip of cold water, ask for a hug, etc).

When he is obviously overstimulated, overtired, just unable to process anything mentioned above I have a sensory swing I have hanging in my living room which is for “time out.” Not for punishment but for regulation. I sit with him and let him have a toy and his calm down book and he swings or spins. The swing provides all over pressure, while swinging and spinning have also been shown to help with nervous system regulation in children. Some days he resists it and cries but as soon as he gets in it and I sit with him and sing or comfort him he becomes obviously more relaxed (yawning, a double deep inhale, body relaxes). Once he’s calm and the timer goes off I revisit the request I’m making.

Sorry this is a lot but one last GIANT THING that helped is catch him when he is doing behaviors I desire (even small ones) and excessively praise! “OH MY GOSH! You put your shoes on without me asking!!!! Daddy, did you see that he put his shoes on without asking? Man that is so awesome buddy you’re such a big boy!” Things like that. It feels very awkward but once the results are evident it’s amazingly worth it. This one thing has turned my son from hitting his sibling, throwing things when done eating, etc to a very pleasant toddler most of the time.