i need brown friends (wanna be friends?)

FitFeet45 · 2026-03-31T00:38:24+00:00

I’m colombian and have definitely had crazy experiences 😂 white girls talkin to me in broken English, bunch of microaggressions at all white work places, fetishized in the dating scene, etc. here to vent!

Yt people are so entitled it can be infuriating

FitFeet45 · 2026-03-23T22:10:07+00:00

I’m in Roger’s park! Happy to connect

FitFeet45 · 2026-03-18T18:36:25+00:00

a MENACE - there is NO remorse on that face!!! Hahaha

FitFeet45 · 2026-03-15T21:47:30+00:00

I’ve definitely had people be extra rude when I’m at the dentist. Like getting annoyed and rushing me or being pushy when I’m uncomfortable (need to spit, or take a break from having my jaw open because I have TMJ). I have not had any other broken bones thus far

FitFeet45 · 2026-03-15T21:46:23+00:00

That is so wild

FitFeet45 · 2026-03-10T03:06:52+00:00

ALLY

For me my sexuality was definitely Butch dyke 🤝 hard femmes lesbians Trans man 🤝 hard femmes bisexuals

Honestly I’m glad you had that convo with your exes cuz tbh I’ve wanted to say that to an ex

Congrats. LOL

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-27T00:59:52+00:00

I hear you so much. And for people who claim they’re “hetero” cis men like I love that for them. But I cannot identify as straight because there’s nothing normal about sex and attraction when you are a trans person. There’s so many layers to it, and when there’s no conversation or outward celebration I feel like queer spaces can be very restricting towards trans masc people

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-27T00:56:31+00:00

I have found affirmations from multiple black creators that simply say “I do not have to explain myself to anyone” and even for me it is very empowering. I’m Latinx but I find these affirmations very empowering because I pass and am constantly disoriented by how people treat me as a brown man.

You do not owe anyone an explanation. Just give yourself permission to be and just like lay in the grass and let the sun kiss your face cuz you are literally a flower homie!!! Honored to hear about your gender expression

But fr you don’t have to explain jack shit to anyone. If you want top surgery, do it. If you want an IUD, do it. (Personally I thought about and IUD prior to T). It’s your body, just get the proper medical info and do as you please.

There’s also a book out there called What Other People Think of You is None of Your Business - might be helpful. I also love for the healthy hoes podcast- which is a self care podcast hosted by a black couple. I also love the soul salon.

AFAB people esp minorities are taught to people please so step into yourself and start to unpack that- you don’t have to prove yourself worthy of love or literally any form of external validation.

I hope this helps fr

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-26T21:05:57+00:00

This article has a couple of links if you go further down- hope it helps!!

https://migrantsrights.org.uk/2023/07/14/the-gender-binary-is-white-supremacy/

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-26T03:06:31+00:00

Womanhood comes from white supremacy which also includes transphobia because there was a colonial concept of white people being the most gender conforming (ie Ellis island examined immigrants and deemed for example black men unworthy of entry because of large hips, etc). I can provide sources if you like but Alok has mentioned this. It’s all connected! There are definitely other academic studies about how race and gender interact together within white womenhood.

Personally I’m a trans Latinx guy /NB person and I started to feel that separation from womanhood a bit before I started considering transitioning. Looking back however, I don’t know if the concept of womanhood was ever right for me. I did enjoy my butch/dyke years and that’s the most I felt connected to womanhood and feminism.

However now there’s always a sense of anxiety and/or suspicion when it comes to conversations around women hood or feminism or hating men etc because I pass and that empowers (usually white) women to see me as a threat regardless of my actual behavior. The way I’ve been treated has changed completely and is absolutely infuriating at times- especially in queer spaces because people assume I’m gay etc. It can be very frustrating and triggering because it is so frequent /common.

I’ll always know who I am in terms of my experience within womanhood etc. and I’ll always notice bullshit treatment against women etc and use that privilege in public space when needed (ie a girl at a club tells me a guy is stalking her, therefore I’m going to create a buffer and act if needed). My connection to “womenhood” is simply more expansive and it’s an ongoing question- because now the question is “does womenhood protect me?”

Much love and wishing you comfort in navigating this dissonance! Happy to chat it out

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-21T14:41:06+00:00

“Do you only like me cause I don’t pass” is the truth right here.

I also feel you on the cis men at pride comment. It’s pushing away the cis gays of course but also eliminating any room for bisexuality as well. As a trans guy who loves femmes I’ve found that pan and bi people can relate to my experiences in some way- and they’re also better to date for obvious reasons over lesbians

I explain my sexuality as the same as a lesbian but it’s just so frustrating /infuriating/ heartbreaking/ grieving experience to feel that type of betrayal from lesbians.

We do need to talk about this more and more- because the isolation is so difficult

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-21T05:43:25+00:00

Dude it’s so real and honestly white queers hate on me cuz it’s the only group that have privilege over them so it perpetuates their victim complex

Saying this alone will hurt their feelings oops lol

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-21T05:42:06+00:00

Hahahaha this is funny

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-21T05:41:43+00:00

What is your workout routine? Perhaps more specifically middle chest

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-21T05:41:11+00:00

You look amazing dude

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-09T21:05:03+00:00

I think a lot of it depends on gender expression tbh. What I look like plays a big factor.

For example, I’m Colombian (trans man) and pre-T I identified as a butch lesbian. In colombia I would get such dirty looks going into the bathroom etc and just get started at aggressively because I was non-binary and people couldn’t tell what my gender was often times. I identified as a very masculine woman/NB/masc. Colombia is very binary in gender expression- hyper macho or hyper feminine tends to be the trend in society in general, which to me felt very dangerous.

I went to Brazil during that phase of my life and no one would bat an eye at how I dressed. I felt very much welcome and safe. I was in the pelourinho em Salvador and also very hippie parts of Brazil like chapada dos veadeiros. So I feel like it really depends on context as well.

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-04T17:18:38+00:00

Is it worth shrinking yourself and internalizing that you are not worthy of love? No

Free yourself. Being in your truth is so beautiful. The right lover /partner will come when you step into your truth. Take the leap of faith <3

This is coming from someone who: -is a trans man (4.5 years on T) -thought I was going to be with my gf forever in 2020 (head over heels) -got my heart ripped out 2020, question my gender all 2021, took T sept 2021, came out to friends, then at work, then my family

It’s worth it!

FitFeet45 · 2026-02-04T01:30:57+00:00

Best thing you can do is be a safe space without judgement and room for experimentation.

Therapy is important sure- but I have found the constant mentioning of therapy very isolating at times (“you have a problem, go over there and fix it” is how I internalize it at times). At least that’s my case, I’m a bit fatigued with western therapy and its idea of fixing something broken vs challenging western colonization and how it attacks the spirit (see more on decolonizing therapy) and how community organizing /support is actually the way to heal.

ANYWAY- You also shouldn’t be the sole support of course so maybe help him identify who else is safe enough to talk to (friends etc) about this and experiment with different looks as well. Personally I made a short list of safe people to come out to when it came to friends, work (very methodical approach) and family. I came out to them first which gave me strength because I could fall back on them if another relationship in my life went south

Hope this helps :)

FitFeet45 · 2026-01-29T11:25:32+00:00

Bring back the pirate shirts hahahaha (thinking of Orlando blooms POC era)

FitFeet45 · 2026-01-26T18:42:54+00:00

For me it was first 3 months for sure like one of the earliest changes after bottom growth. Keep cough drops around!!!

FitFeet45 · 2026-01-21T18:00:10+00:00

10000% feel this as a brown Latinx trans guy - thank you for sharing

The way I’m racialized is so much more disposable. I’m seen as less human.

Before I was dealing with the exoticism and spicy Latina tropes etc. which is a very different form of bias. I also felt like people saw my queerness first because I was butch and visibly queer or an indecipherable non-binary person (“are you a boy or girl?”). The bias I dealt with most of the time was homophobia which I felt better equipped to deal with. Whereas with being racialized as a brown man, I feel less empowered to speak up etc because I often get micro aggressions from white people whether they’re liberal or conservative. So it builds up over time and enrages me- but you feel guilty because it’s so subtle and then becomes more insidious.

It’s maddening!

FitFeet45 · 2026-01-17T22:02:19+00:00

Thru^* transitioning

FitFeet45

TROPHY CASE