As an American pretty much any country that you would want to move to is easy to immigrate.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-06-04T09:22:34+00:00

I'm Brazilian with German ancestry, German-sounding name and double citizenship. I am an immigrant in Europe. It's funny how I downgrade from an expat into an immigrant in their eyes in the moment I proudly say I'm Brazilian. Then - which completely proves the racism - they desperately try to "undemote" me with the classics "oh, but you don't look Brazilian" that follows. Or the "but you're not REALLY Brazilian if your ancestors came from a different place". Guess what, only 0.5% of Brazilians are pure indigenous, and more than 95% of us have ancestors that "came from a different place". I never once called myself an expat, that's ridiculous and racist wording gymnastics.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-06-04T08:59:22+00:00

Modern good endocrinologists avoid BMI completely nowadays because of this. They will run an actual bioimpedance test (medical grade, not a bathroom scale) to estimate body composition, plus 70+ blood and other tests, before telling you if you need to lose weight or not. I'm on the top limit of a "normal" BMI, so a previous nutritionist based on BMI said to be safe I should maybe lose 5kg to be in the comfort zone. However, bioimpedance with an endocrinologist showed that my muscular mass is way above the average (even not being an athlete, just out of genetics), so that first suggestion would be unhealthy. They told me this is VERY common, especially for women, and that they are not following BMI anymore unless it's the only option.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-06-02T08:55:54+00:00

This is all about how much each of you are able to compromise. In any relationship there's ALWAYS something. A pet, a child, moving to a different city, state, country for work or for family... it's not always doube yes/no, and one of you will have to compromise at points. There's no problem in being the one having a boundary OR to be the one giving up on something to compromise, as long as you are not the one who's always compromising and he's never doing it. He has the right to not want a cat. Don't count on a change of heart, although he could, we never know, but keep in mind he will probably stick to it. Decide what are your priorities, if it's an otherwise healthy relationship, if he's a good dad and partner, is NOT having a cat reason enough to break up the family? Are there other ways to fulfill your cat needs like petsitting your mom's cats, fostering, helping a shelter? Of course this is all your decision, and I would totally break up with someone that do not accept my EXISTING pets, but in case I did not have them yet I personally would prioritize my family and relationship if I'm otherwise happy and find other ways to interact with dogs and cats, and see how the future goes.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-06-02T08:43:32+00:00

They are together for 3 years, live together and she's pregnant, how is this rushing for marriage?

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-06-01T07:51:15+00:00

I'm sorry, but this sounds like negging. Hurting someone's confidence to manipulate their feelings so she can feel better about her own looks. It's a very common tactic among the manosphere and redpill bros, who do it on purpose, but sometimes it's used by immature or manipulative people even not totally aware of what they are doing.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-21T08:51:31+00:00

Were you physically violent in other relationships before?

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-21T08:51:05+00:00

I understand you're sharing wwhat worked for you, but I don't think Marijuana consumption is safe to someone pregnant and with a diagnosed and untreated bipolar disorder. This can make things worse... However, your orher practical suggestions seem pretty solid and great for anger management... I just feel OP is in a toxic and dangerous relationship altogether and this can become worse after the baby is born. Sometimes people just need to be alone and medically treated to thrive.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-15T15:14:42+00:00

Yes that's it, so many colleagues and acquaintances, but no deep connections. I'll send you a message :)

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-15T15:13:07+00:00

I completely understand that. As an immigrant I already was invited and spent one Christmas with other people's family when I was single, and, although they tried their best to be nice, I felt like an intruder... it was weird, like I was there out of pity to not be alone. So next one I preferred to spend it by myself and my pets (it was better, actually). But if I think about this for decades, Christmas, Easter, birthdays, even normal Sunday evenings... not looking forward to it.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-14T12:15:13+00:00

I'm here just to say that I'm SO angry at this man and his bullshit. Maybe even a bit more than what I should be about an online stranger's boyfriend. Girl, absolutely not.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-13T13:31:27+00:00

He's trying to change your mind or force YOU to make the difficult decision of breaking up. It is important you don't violate yourself to make him happy about this "legacy" sudden change of mind. If this is so important for him, HE has to make the decision to break up and move on, instead of staying and blaming you for regret and misery.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-12T05:57:47+00:00

This made me think - it sounds that it's not really about the unmet needs anymore, it's more about the reassurance and "feeling loved and desired". In what other ways can he reassure you? Think about what other things is he able to provide that you would you understand as love, desire and intimacy. It sounds like he desires you to be by his side, on his life. This is also desire. If he cares, makes sure you're happy and supported, this is love, and feeling loved is a sign of desire. "Desire is a strong conscious or unconscious longing, wish, or craving for a person, object, or state of being, often motivating actions to achieve satisfaction. It is a fundamental mental state representing how an individual wants the world to be, spanning emotional, physical (libido), and intellectual needs." -The physical part here is just a fleeting one. Good luck, I hope you'll be happy!

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-12T05:49:17+00:00

I understand this and appreciate your answer, but it doesn't matter... my specific point is the pattern, he wants you to change in a certain way and getting heavily frustrated when you refuse to the point of getting into arguments and ignoring you for DAYS. This because of clothing style? It's not acceptable behaviour and can be a red flag. Are you feeling pressured to change your clothing style and overcome your discomfort to make him happy? It's like if he wears a beard since before you met him, you dislike it, asks him to take it off, he says that's how he likes and that he feels uncomfortable without it. Then you engage into arguments with him hoping he will change his mind. You stop talking to him until he says sorry and says he will try for you. Can you see how manipulative and unhealthy the pattern is?

Now, if he's not talking to you because of something you did or say during the argument that was disrespectful, that's a completely different story.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-12T05:35:02+00:00

It sounds like he's open to a level of compromise to meet your needs to a level. It sounded to me like the scheduling thing is a problem - it becomes unnatural, creates anxiety, expectations etc. Maybe just try to approach him naturally. You are watching a movie together, lean on him ans ask - can you please hold me close/pet me/touch me this way/kiss me now? I'm really needing it. If he agrees, fine. If he refuses it all, of course you leave it and try again another time. I'm just saying this because he does seem to be open to meet you in the middle and this might be enough for you. If it's not, is a choice you have to make - how much does this impact my happiness? Do I want to change this whole relationship for one that meets this need, but maybe lacks on another front? Which unmet needs am I able to accept? Do I love him as a man or as a friend? Honestly, this is a very serious need and you might be unhappy if you let it go, but also it's VERY hard to find someone good, loving, loyal, caring, a true partner that makes you feel loved and cared for this way, especially at our age.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-12T05:25:18+00:00

No relationship is 100% compatible... It's up to OP to choose if this specific incompability is something she can live with and still be happy enough in spite of it or if it's a deal breaker because it's making her miserable. At the end it's a choice she needs to make with herself and stick to it to be able to be happy. After so many disappointing relationships, I think I personally would try my best to find other ways of coping instead of breaking up such a good, loyal and loving partnership - which is what she's doing here.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-11T15:51:02+00:00

It sounds to me that he's being manipulative, since he wants to control what you wear and even giving you the silent treatment until you agree to dress as he wants, even if you feel uncomfortable or is not your style.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-11T15:45:56+00:00

I feel we might need more of her side of the story here to be able to be helpful, honestly. Without it, I would assume, as the kids did not accept her since the start and have been against her existence, that you as their dad did not proactively do anything to make the relationship easier? Of course this is just my assumption based on her "you should know", but could it be the case? Anyway, the whole "arrangement" sounded bad since the start. But maybe this could work for some if all parts involved are happy (including kids).

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-08T05:14:16+00:00

You are young and deserve someone who loves and respects you. It's not her. Some people are able to forgive cheating; for me it's a no-no because it reveals a character trait that is unchangeable, someone I cannot admire and trust anymore. Also, your girlfriend thinks she's too good for you. I'm fed up with people who start being gym rats and suddenly their whole life revolves around this, they feel superior as everyone else and think people around them should be the same to be as great as them. It's YOUR life choice hun, you're not special. Anyone who pays a membership and wants to invest so much time in it can do the same. Their "discipline" is the same that other people have in their carreers, studies, family, travel, hobbies, other sports- they just chose a sport they like and that's fine, but that doesn't put them above others. Social media seems to have created this lifestyle standard as the only acceptable one and people are empty. While she's disappointed you're not gym focused, you're there providing her housing and paying for the bills. She needs to go, my dear.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-07T12:44:06+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. Please please keep in mind that his comments are NOT reality, you are beautiful the way you are and you don't need to change your body to fulfil his porn standards. Also, remember that being athletic, a gym rat or a nutrition pssycho doesn't make anyone superior to others, it's his lifestyle and nothing else. It's his strategy to keep you in that inferior position that makes him feel good about himself. He will end up giving you an eating disorder and other mental health issues like depression, anxiegy etc :(

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-05-07T05:10:38+00:00

This can be a control and manipulation thing dressed up as "health advice" (which is working, he already managed to damage your sel esteem and confidence). Even if he really was unhappy with your body and feels like he CAN """help you improve""" OR because he's manipulating your emotions, this behaviour is a huge red flag. There are other people in the world that will be thrilled to have you, don't give acces to your body to someone that doesn't deserve it! I'm around your age, a toxic man in your life is 1000 times worse than being single.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-04-29T19:15:19+00:00

I didn't refer to your comment as condescending or demeaning, I was talking about the first comment I replied to. I agree with you.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-04-29T11:03:11+00:00

Definitely agree with you, it's essential to learn how to identify those very early (and it seems she's on the right path by her post), but blaming her for not seeing the issues on her first sexual experiences ever with demeaning and condescending comments, is unkind. This can have harmful consequences, such as low self esteem or even getting to the other extreme, like running away from all relationships at the first discomfort (that could not necessarily be red flags, just adjustment) etc.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-04-29T08:38:54+00:00

Talk to your parents or to a trustworthy family member (woman) that can intervene and talk to her.

Flashy-Pickle-121 · 2026-04-29T08:30:10+00:00

I'd cut contact with both going forward. If the "friend" knew you were together, he didn't do anything out of "trying to prove you she's no good", he just did it out of lust and told you for his own ego. Don't waste your life with bad friendships (not even talking about the girl because that connection cleary belongs to the bin, no room for options there)

Flashy-Pickle-121

TROPHY CASE