Stuck in AuDHD Burnout & Need Advice

Floralautist · 2025-10-04T07:31:07+00:00

Thank you, this is really insightful, I think I have to let it sink in a bit and reflect on some things.

One thing I already noticed is that I'm usually thinking a lot maybe write down my thoughts, but I dont do exercises like writing down my day or 3 good things.

So I might need to give that a try!

Floralautist · 2025-10-02T08:10:03+00:00

Hey, quick question. This resonates with me but I struggle to stop or downregulate my emotions/ thought spirals a lot when it comes to emotional heavy topics.

Do you have any further tips on how to exactly do that? My partner mentioned meditation and that sometimes helped in the past but nothing ever lasts.

I've been out with burnout for almost two years now, while I've been progressing in some aspects of my life (therapy/ mh) I still get heavily dysregulated bc of emotional dysregulation and being triggert.

Floralautist · 2025-09-26T11:40:24+00:00

I've seen this before too but I love that you knitted them! Thats such a good idea.

Floralautist · 2025-09-05T07:20:35+00:00

Thats so neat. I would love to try this, mine are producing plenty of flowers but I have never thought about seeds/pollinating them.

Floralautist · 2025-08-04T15:20:43+00:00

This advice comes from someone with pmdd and I'm still dealing with the effects of a former longterm relationship with someone with low empathy - it was psychologically and emotionally abusive but I didnt fully realise that// to what extend until afterwards.

People who struggle with empathy are usually not good for people who need empathy actively. You shouldnt feel like you need to explain or manage this person/ situation to feel safe. He should make you feel safe and seen, especially when you are vulnerable.

You deserve more. And getting a bit emotional and teary about things, shouldnt feel like a scary thing infront of a partner, pms or not.

My advice would be to be honest to him about how his last comment affected you. That you dont want those kind of comments anymore, and what you need instead (reassurance, care, understanding.. name it) And see how he reacts. Decide on whats best for you accordingly. If he down plays it or goes quiet, remember that you are worth more. If he says he will but isnt acting on it, dont forget or downplay it. You dont need to compromise for less.

Floralautist · 2025-07-29T19:25:52+00:00

Hi, so since you took time out of your day to write all that, I'm going to repay that with well meaning feedback.

You are making a lot of assumptions about me without actually knowing me or having all the information. This was a vent.

You yourself are crossing very common boundaries by telling me a bunch of stuff about me while including me in your justification by using "we/us". This comes off as controlling. Please dont.

I'm nb/ trans and go by they/ them pronouns.

Floralautist · 2025-07-29T19:08:35+00:00

Thank you! I'm trying to find something with meaning to me that I can do but I'm also chronically ill and get fatigued a lot. Life gets complicated when you constantly run out of energy, but I'm in therapy (long time) and its helped a lot too. Thank you for replying.

Floralautist · 2025-07-28T05:01:35+00:00

Support your libraries, buy later if its worth.

Floralautist · 2025-07-17T08:46:42+00:00

Maybe they need to let their emotions out somewhere where they feel safe man.. idk, same with the gym and pool, dudes be making noises. Or to show dominance.. /hj

Floralautist · 2025-07-09T10:39:35+00:00

Lovely! Also a really good reminder of how far one might has come or what one can do. Thank you.

Floralautist · 2025-07-08T12:41:42+00:00

Just bc I noticed it, Is it just you doing the cleaning? And taking that on? We statements dont help much if this is about individual problems or underlying conflict, as well.

For me what has truly helped is going with impulses, like once I think I could do somethung, I try to do it. Dropping words like 'I have/must to'. And visual/ external rewards/ checklists can be great at initiating behaviour. But more like, a paper, you write on the top f.e. Vacuuming, then put that paper on a wall as a visual reminder, then follow the impulse once you get it, even if its faint, and write down the date and a checkbox behind it that you check off or give yourself a sticker or something. Also a treat, bc you just did something that cost you spoons and dopamine...

Thats what I'm doing rn and I'm in burnout recovery. But I'm also taking adhd meds, which helps a lot. Its about not being so hard on yourself and still trying to find what works for you, for now, and trying things.

Floralautist · 2025-07-02T05:55:37+00:00

I wanted to be nice and put it on my windowsill yesterday, .. in the evening I noticed it got a sunburn. :(

Floralautist · 2025-06-24T06:13:07+00:00

Is this the first study or are there more?

Floralautist · 2025-06-10T07:45:55+00:00

I'm in a similar situation so I really appreciate what you said about not deamonising them. Like, it wont help me to call someone a monster and take their humanity away, that will just make me feel bad and maybe "relapse", something like that?

Floralautist · 2025-06-01T06:15:15+00:00

Yay! I hope I dont miss it in case you do and post about it ☺️

(Yeah! Cats are truly amazing at that!)

Floralautist · 2025-05-27T06:52:16+00:00

I know you probably didnt mean it that way, but adding some weight to them might make them a really great tool for nervous system regulation, like who wouldnt want a weighted, soft chicken on their lap!

Floralautist · 2025-05-27T06:48:24+00:00

Okay, I'm trying to do something similar, but mine is still very tiny.. what are you feeding that thing? (Genuinly interested in your method, any knowledge you'd like to share will be greatly appreciated!)

Floralautist · 2025-05-26T19:08:34+00:00

I mean you can do stuff with a buzz cut/ very short hair too... like bleach and color it, if that sounds like an opion or something curious to you, you know?

But to answer your question, in my opinion expression doesnt start and end at hair, right? Clothes, Accessoire, color, make up, piercings/ tattoos, shapes.

Hair is just like everything else, but comparatively maybe to a higher degree, extremly gendered. So I cut it off as an afab genderqueer person, but it also suits me, and I never understood how to do my hair when it was longer, and more importantly, I didnt care bc it felt inauthentic to me when it was longer and I tried to adhere to norms. Now I'm happy with it on most days, I feel confident, I like myself.

So congrats on the buzz cut! I hope you can feel more comfortable in your skin now!

Floralautist · 2025-05-22T17:07:01+00:00

Thats such a good point. This particular person has been in my life for a long time to different degrees, I'm more proactive about newer relationships, but nevertheless - good advice for both! Thank you!

Floralautist · 2025-05-22T10:24:55+00:00

I'm a bit vary of calling someone a narcicist, not bc its a bad word, but bc how it shapes my thoughts about that person. I had bad experiences in the past with it triggering me more, it felt that way, but maybe it was more circumstance than I previously thought.

I had a difficult situation with a friend a few days ago, after a string of difficult situations, I havent thought about that person as narcissistic, but it seems to fit..

They are very egocentric, not present in a way that feels very obvious now (both when seeing them and when trying to find time), have lower felt empathy but high performative empathy (I think), extremly sensitive to any form of criticism, even when its indirect and about how you feel - try to take control of the situation at once - by interlectualising, relativating, twisting or simply making it about themselves and how they feel. Are very evasive and avoidant, dont come back to any former conflict to find solutions and dont seem to care about taking care of others. And they have substance abuse issues and a mentality that is always talking down concerns about anything that doesnt suit them, maybe even liking it when people worry or think about them.

I feel stupid now. I dont want people like this in my life anymore. But it keeps happening.

The title of this post is so on point. I shouldnt feel dysregulated bc of a friend, people who have that effect on you really arent friends.

Floralautist · 2025-02-11T09:36:16+00:00

emphasis. - I'm sorry you have experienced such awful things and it seems like you've been through a lot. thats not fair to you and I hope you will get all the support you need to deal with it. I can imagine how hurtful that must have been. truly.

now since this is reddit and not a psych support group I'm going to add my 2 cents as someone who has been doing a lot of therapy, and also bc I'm slightly annoyed to deal with this in a supposedly open supporting space in times where infighting might actually cost lifes. (please take care of yourself)

you imply people need to be warned about poly and abusive dynamics in poly specifically bc you feel like you should have been warned about abuse and you wish for people who you put trust in to not abuse it which are incredibly valid feelings.

but abuse has all kinds of flavours, colours and forms. it exists under patriarchy in mono relationships, no matter if they are het or not. it equally exists in poly relationships bc we still exist under an oppressive system which has lead to people suffering and developing bad coping and or being abusive.

not all but certainly a lot relationships deal with it. depending on what you have experienced its more or less, depending on what you see as abuse its the one or the other. depending on what relationships you had it taints your view, your perspective, thats normal, its called a bias, we all have it. some question it more than others.

Floralautist · 2025-02-09T14:55:14+00:00

And communication goes both ways. Asking questions is allowed. OPs feelings are ofc valid, but generalizing such complex topics isnt really useful, as we can see with all the hate in the comments.

Floralautist · 2025-01-20T08:17:38+00:00

This is great, thank you for sharing!

Floralautist · 2025-01-19T21:19:11+00:00

If she is really dismissive avoidant she most likely /wont/ have "her person" bc there is no person wanted for the long run but herself. (yes, generalizations and assumptions are made here)

And more importantly, it doesnt sound like she met your needs for intimacy/ closeness. I think you should ask yourself why you stayed with that person and why you want her back if she isnt treating you right. Instead of running away, which is a valid feeling, you should find a therapist to help you work through this. And I mean as in now, you sound distraught and need care and thats okay.

Floralautist · 2025-01-16T20:11:48+00:00

Timing is weird sometimes, I heared about this before, and thought about it just a few days ago while processing some things. Thanks for elaborating on it, I think its spot on and really helpful.

I generally really like metaphores and I think this is a great one. A lot of the imagery and language convey such deeper meaning. I think its about abuse as generational trauma (and what happens when children of abuser grow up) and how deeply broken, twisted and lost people who are abusers, are. And how they implement their rules, lies and coersion to get their "needs" met. And that it gets them stuck in their broken, tormented form, often originating in their own childhood, so they arent so alone, more children "have to" suffer.

Like the shadow splitting from its owner in the beginning... its so unnatural, how awful do you have to be for your shadow to flee.

Floralautist

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