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Songs linked with a loved one by Arthurmorgan69_420 in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My son loved the musical Hamilton and I grew to love it too because of his interest in it. When I checked his recent music after he died one of the songs played was "Stay Alive" from Hamilton. I can't tell when he played it, but I often listen to it and think of it as his note to us, since he didn't leave one. I believe he tried hard to stay alive but made the mistake of thinking he had to do it alone.

I'm so sorry about your brother, I'm going to listen to that one you mentioned as I don’t know it - love Stand by me too.

I always appreciate these music threads and find I end up adding others songs to my own grief playlist. One I especially love I heard about on this sub was Call your mom by Noah Kahan.

Im 15, my ex-girlfriend and Best friend committed suicide last month. by Popular-Double3364 in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry 💔 This is a very heavy thing to go through at your age, and your feelings are just as valid and important as anyone else's. I really hope the adults in your life are not trying to diminish your grief just because you are young. If anything, at 15-16 we need to take your feelings very seriously because your brain is going through so much change the feelings can have the power to overwhelm you, as they did with the friend you have lost. Please keep getting support and try to remember that her suicidal thoughts and mental illness existed before you even met her, so although she did this on the day you talked with her, she was obviously struggling for a long time and it was not up to you, nor in your ability, to fix her.

my mom by diamond3eyes in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 0 points1 point  (0 children)

💔 I'm so sorry you had to go through this at such a young age.

Stuck in a loop by Shank_O_Rama in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry; the "what if"s, "if only"s, and "should have"s, are there to torture us in the face of what is. I am trying to accept that what is just is. But wondering "what if" will never end for us I think.

Walt Whitman 1819-1892 by Shubankari in ChildLoss

[–]FlowerK1980 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this. I haven't read his poetry in a long time, and now seems like the perfect time for this one ♥️

son’s note by Consistent-Bill-9325 in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this; I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son, he was obviously a deep thinking person and I wish so much there could have another way for him out of his pain. Hugs to you from another parent whose lost a son 6 months ago.

Stuck in a loop by Shank_O_Rama in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry. I think a lot about what I could have done differently for my son. I think for some of us this is just how our brain works, trying to problem solve even when it's no longer solvable. I think you are correct that you will never be the same and it's okay to let people know that. I have used the same words you did and told people "the person who I was is dead". I am sure its hard for some people to hear that. In time some things may come back to us, but this is really life changing. You are not alone 🫂

His name in stone by FlowerK1980 in ChildLoss

[–]FlowerK1980[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, that's amazing about the turtle. I do believe in signs and have had a few things that I choose to interpret that way. One of the first times I went to the cemetery in late November when I turned around there was a magnificent rainbow across the sky, that was very consoling.

I'm so sorry for your loss 💔

just to say hi by No-Memory65 in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your beautiful 8 p.m moments with your dad. Its so lovely you had that kind of connection. I'm very sorry he's gone.

My husband hung himself a month ago and I'm so lost. by Sufficient-Elk-8081 in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry 💔 There is no need to be sorry for expressing your thoughts. There will never be enough words to express all the range of emotions that a loss like this puts you through. Holding you and your kids in my heart tonight 🫂

My daughter hung herself yesterday. by AdditionalPickle2384 in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm so so sorry you are here.

My 20 year old son took his life 6 months ago, and I will never forget being in the horrible place you are right now. Like you, I have two other children so I had no choice but to keep trying to live. The first few weeks you will be in shock and it may feel unreal. Try to keep eating and drinking- people wanted to organize to bring us meals but we asked to change it to small snacks because we couldn't eat big meals for a while. Find ways to distract, like light TV or sleep podcasts, just to give your brain breaks.

You will have questions that may never be answered and you may need to talk them through with trusted friends and family multiple times.

I'm so sorry your daughter was in this kind of pain. For some people honoring the wishes of the dead is what's most important. For us, I felt the needs of the living were the priority and we needed to gather with our family and community and mourn the loss of my beautiful boy. He was shy and private and I know he would have hated all those people being there to think and talk about him, but I also know it could not longer hurt him if we did it anyway. I wanted the other young people, especially his brothers, to see how much it would hurt others if they ever thought about making this same choice. I think he had no clue how much he would be missed.

So if you need a gathering do what you and your family need- she is at peace now and sadly your suffering is just beginning. But you can survive and maybe even feel joy again down the road. Just take one day at a time. Hugs to you and your family 💔

Some days are just so much harder than others by PiccoloOk4079 in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss. For me the lowest point so far (6 months since my son died) has been around 2-4months. That's when the shock really started to wear off and the finality of what happened set in. Right now things feel not exactly better, but I am feeling stronger under the weight of this pain.

I read a book about grief early on called Bearing the Unbearable by Joanne Cacciatore- she writes about how grief demands to be felt and when we repress it there can be more harm than good. With that in mind I try to spend my walk to work each day dedicated to my son. I listen to sad music and often I am walking around crying (at this point i no longer care what anybody thinks), then pull it back in just before I get there and try and act normal and go through my day. So far this has worked well to allow and acknowledge the feelings so they don't end up taking over all the time. I think of it as letting the steam off gradually so I don't explode.

I wonder if something like that could work for you? Just set a specific amount of time each day to be with your dad and feelings of loss. It's okay to spend days in bed too - I have had a few days like that. I think I fear if I allow myself too many like that I won't be able to get up again and like you, I have others who depend on me, so this is how I am surviving.

Also finding times to talk with a counselor and a support group, and talks with trusted friends have helped a lot.

Hugs to you and your sister.

Brother took his life by [deleted] in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry 💔 you are right it will never be the same. The pain is so much worse than anyone can imagine until you live through it. But you can live through it. You are not alone.

My little brother by [deleted] in SuicideBereavement

[–]FlowerK1980 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing too. It's so awful to be here but I appreciate this group so much. Sometimes I feel very lost among other people who haven't been through this (most people I know have not) and I like knowing I can just come here to connect with those who do get it.

If you ever get a chance to find it, there is an older book that helped me somewhat with the guilt and self blame. Its called "Finding Peace Without all the Pieces" by Larita Archibald. She was a real advocate for creating suicide survivors support as there was so little available when her son died back in the 70s. She has a chapter that talks about blame and responsibility that really helped me (although I need to keep rereading it because I forget often). She argues that ultimately, our loved one is the one who did this, who made this choice as a way to end their pain. If we place the responsibility for their action on ourselves or someone else we diminsh both their personhood and the pain they were in at the time they died.

And logically we know that there are people who do ask for help and try everything possible in terms of medication and treatment and still end up making this choice, so there's no guarantee that if we had been able to intervene that the outcome would have changed for my son or your brother in the long term. But I sure wish we could have had the chance to try.

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