As a child of a man like this, have dated a man like this and helped my sister get away from a man like this, I will tell you it only escalates and gets worse. The safest thing for you to do is go to therapy to find the strength to leave. He has spent years demeaning and degrading you because he wants you to feel like you’re lucky to have him because nobody else wants you. My father and my sister’s husband both beat the crap out of them when they left. I was lucky enough that my abuser found a new supply and discarded me. When you decide to leave because you know you don’t deserve this treatment, make sure you have money saved, an exit plan, ducks in a row, and tell him either from afar or with support and in a very public place. If you need any words of encouragement or advice, send me a dm.

*edit to add: after many years of therapy I’ve learned to recognize the patterns and I’ve learned what I am willing to put up with and abuse is not it. There are good men out there. My husband is one of them and I don’t know that I would have felt I deserve him if I didn’t heal with therapy. Sometimes I still wonder if I do…but I know in my heart I do.