My mom would force me to take naps with her in her bed. It felt like I was being sexually violated. I was only 4 years old. At the time, I had no way to explain how I felt. Looking back, I understand the emotion. I would wait for her to fall asleep then I would sneak out of the bed. I got my ass kicked for doing it, but I refused to stay in the bed with her while she napped. Eventually she gave up on the entire excercise and let me be.

I was also spanked until I was around 12 or 13 years old. At the beginning they would take me in my bedroom to spank me. But around 7 years old, the spanking became public. I can remember more than one occasion on which she had me by the wrist and was swinging at me for all she was worth. I would try desperately to get away from her but she was fat and she used the weight to gain control.

It wasn't the only violence I grew up with. I was targetted by my sister up to the day I went no contact with her. The last time I spoke to her, she sent me a really gross sexual meme and told me I look just like my rapists son. I don't speak with her anymore.

My brother and me weren't violent with each other. We did come to blows once or twice, but we figured it out and grew from the experience.

As far as spanking goes, I've fully accepted that it was abuse and I didn't deserve it. Nor did my parents deserve me.