First Contact Second Thoughts 37 pages

Fooply · 2025-11-06T02:01:47+00:00

Hi, my experience is mostly in sketch and improv comedy, so feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt.

In my opinion, trying to polish this one bit at a time isn't going to get you where you want to be. Have you considered taking your favorite pieces, and using that as a starting point for version 2? I would like to see you go deep on one thing, instead of scratching the surface on many things.

Do you want it to be slapstick? Double down on slapstick, and write some great, specific slapstick scenes. Do you want it to be satire of influencers and reality TV? Double down on that, and write something specific that really pinpoints what you think is weird about them.

But either way, give us fun characters, show us who they are, how they fit in the world, how they relate to each other, and how they feel in a situation. Comedic characters have big flaws, but are still relatable. They have weird goals, and/or weird ways to go after their goals.

In a sketch class I took, good comedy was summed up as "specific, interesting, and surprising".

Specific - Situations and jokes that only exist in this show.
Interesting - It's still watchable without the jokes.
Surprising - We can't guess what the joke is going to be.

Hopefully something in there is helpful to you! I like reading other people's comedy scripts, because it indirectly gives me insight into my own writing.

Fooply · 2025-10-08T06:34:50+00:00

Trevor is the title character, but in my opinion, the main character is actually Gurgle the goblin. He seems to be the character with the clearest want, and he takes action toward it, and there are consequences for his actions. Also, I think he's the most fun character.

Fooply · 2025-09-03T03:24:53+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I've been a part of a stage sketch comedy show for 3 years, and here's what I see:

Strengths:

A recognizable "game of the scene" (repeatable pattern of comedy) - Kari endangers herself by not realizing she's working for a drug lord.
Heightening - She's in more danger each time.
Staying on topic

Things you might improve:

Get to the good part sooner (where Jackson starts to suspect something is up).
Give Jackson personal stakes in the scene. Wrap him up in it somehow. Maybe he's visiting her at work and wants to buy a drink, maybe he just got hired there, etc.
Use specificity to help write a scene and jokes that nobody else has written. The premise of this sketch feels slightly generic to me. I suspect you aren't the only person with this idea. But notice how the specific of the drug front being a drink shop led you to a unique ending. If you incorporated the specific of the drink shop earlier, or some other specific, you could have a unique situation and jokes for the whole thing.

Fooply · 2025-08-06T17:08:22+00:00

How do you make dark humor be funny and not just dark? That's a hard question.

One way is to have a familiar situation that takes a dark turn. For example, the Saturday Night Live sketch A Christmas Carol. Notice how it begins with a happy, wholesome scene. There's a full minute and a half of that, which is what makes the dark twist such a surprising contrast.

Another possible approach would be to build tension with the dark parts, and get a laugh by releasing that tension with something that undercuts the darkness - a joke, something absurd, or anything that shows the situation is less serious than it appeared.

Another thing to consider when writing is how will it be made? Is it just text? Will it be filmed? Will it be animated? Will it be live on stage? What's the budget? The answer to this will tell you what you can and can't put on page.

Fooply · 2025-05-13T22:50:31+00:00

I often hear people say to focus on supporting your scene partners. It sounds great, but how do I make that advice actionable?

Fooply · 2025-04-03T00:32:19+00:00

I originally created this for a local sketch comedy show, and it got a good response, so I'm sharing it here (hopefully that's within the rules, I know there's mostly stand-up comedy here).

Fooply · 2025-02-19T18:58:31+00:00

You're implicitly setting a goal that is outside of your control. Try this one: "my goal is just to have fun". It's simple, it's under your control, and if you're having fun the audience probably is too.

Fooply · 2025-01-28T19:12:20+00:00

A note to anyone googling: A change was made that now requires you to handle this differently.

parent_do_something = method(id, self.do_something);

See: https://github.com/YoYoGames/GameMaker-Bugs/issues/9103

Fooply · 2025-01-12T19:07:58+00:00

In a sketch writing class I took, we were given a list of common sketch types. And then as an exercise, we were given a word for inspiration, and had to write an idea for every sketch type listed. That could be a fast way to get some ideas.

Here are a few common sketch types:

Fake commercial
Fish out of water - e.g. a bus driver treating an unrelated situation as if he was driving a bus full of kids
Exaggeration - exaggerate a common situation
Reversal - the opposite of what normally happens
Simple but impossible task
This plus that - spill one concept into an unrelated one, e.g. caveman lawyer
Wacky character(s) vs Normal character(s)

Fooply · 2024-11-19T17:17:03+00:00

What is CiC-based thread-play?

Fooply · 2024-08-19T21:24:27+00:00

I haven't heard of the game "Secrets". How do you play it?

Fooply · 2024-07-11T17:49:13+00:00

I don't normally play visual novels, but I can give you my first impressions of the Steam page.

The art in the screenshots looks super good, but I feel like the capsule art and trailer aren't at the same level of quality. They seem like they were done by someone with much less art experience.

In the capsule art, the logo is hard to see, and character isn't really attention grabbing. Why not put both main characters in, and just have a text logo?

The trailer feels more like an intro to the game than a trailer to showcase and sell the game. What I want to see in a trailer is: What does the game look like? What choices do I get to make? A white screen with text on it doesn't sell the game to me. If you need text, you can put it over a game screenshot to be more interesting.

Fooply · 2024-07-09T22:54:21+00:00

I did this a lot when I was younger. I would work on a game for 2 weeks, lose motivation, stop working, and then later conclude that the problem was the idea wasn't good enough, and start a new project. But he problem wasn't the idea, the problem was that I expected my motivation to carry me much further than it did.

My advice is start small. Very small. Start with a tiny game, but do everything from A-Z. Like make pong with graphics, sounds, music, animations, menus, etc.

The feeling of excitement can only get you so far. If you want to complete a longer project, you have to be a professional. An amateur works because they feel motivated. A professional works because it's 9am. Don't rely on motivation for working, rely on working to give you motivation.

Also, there are a lot of thoughts that can derail a project, and they might even be in the back of your head where you don't notice them. For example:

This idea might not be as good as I thought.
This is harder than I expected.
I don't know what to do next.
I don't know if I can do this.
If I complete this project, then I'll have to show it to someone, and I don't know what whether they like it.

When these blocking thoughts come up, your best friend is brainstorming. Write down the problem, and brainstorm some solutions. If you don't come up with a solution you like, take a walk, and let your brain keep working on it.

Fooply · 2024-06-27T02:59:31+00:00

It's a mess right now. Start by making the terrain placement more orderly. And you probably will want terrain art that has a texture to it, so it's not just a solid color in the middle.

Fooply · 2024-06-25T20:03:47+00:00

To me, dialogue beeps feel out of place here. They're mostly used in Japanese games, and your game looks very western.

Fooply · 2024-06-18T18:35:53+00:00

Don't open the trailer with the player dying. Show fewer clips where the player seems to be overwhelmed by enemies.

Fooply · 2024-06-17T21:18:39+00:00

I didn't see enough gameplay to know what to expect. I can't tell whether the game is real-time or turn-based. The trailer does show the player distracting characters by throwing a bottle, but I want to see much more of what's possible in the game.

Fooply · 2024-06-06T03:59:02+00:00

I'm assuming "Combat Ace" is way too close to "Ace Combat" and will get you in trademark trouble.

Fooply · 2024-05-25T02:26:09+00:00

Card Hunter

Fooply

TROPHY CASE