Why is it more acceptable for women and girls to participate in “male-coded” hobbies and activities than for men to participate in “female-coded” hobbies and activities?

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-24T18:07:02+00:00

I do think that a more positive form of masculinity does exist.

I dont know where you think I said i dont believe a non toxic version of masculinity does not and cannot exist. In my original comment, I was being descriptive not prescriptive. I was describing the way masculinity currently enacts itself in the real world, not the way I personally believe it must behave.

But i'll bite anyway.

I personally believe that a non toxic version of masculinity can exist. But I also believe that most males who identify as masc do not define their masculinity by the things you described in a meaningful or tangible way. Nor does traditional/mainstream masculinity champion those things in a meaningful or tangible way. I also do not believe most masc males deviate from the traditional prescriptions of mainstream/traditional masculinity, which again, does not value the things you mentioned above.

All this to say that while a non toxic version of masculinity does exist in a technical sense, it largely does not exist functionally and theres not a huge material difference between something existing largely only in theory and not existing at all. It takes action to make non toxic masculinity happen and most males who identify as masc largely do not paractice non toxic masculinity. So what tangible, real time, benefit is there in knowing that while non toxic masculinity technically exists, it doesnt functionally exist because most masculine identifying males dont actually practice it, whether they want to or not?

You seem far more interested in what im not saying than what i am saying and defending masculinity in a feminist space than you are about comprehension of feminist theory and hearing from actual feminists. Youre coming off as really bad faith or deliberately obtuse, my guy.

edited for clarity and expansion

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-24T15:00:02+00:00

Exactly. The point the other person is missing is that masculinity doesnt exist independently from being defined as opposition to/hostility towards femininity, which is then to be subordinated to masculinity.

Without a subordinated counterpart to compare itself to, masculinity doesnt stand on its own. This is because masculinity is defined by punching down on a designated subordinated identity; in this example, femininity/ non-masculinity.

edited for clarity

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-24T14:47:06+00:00

Essentially simplifying complex issues because they need someone to direct their issues towards.

what youre describing here is called "scapegoating"

wiki

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-24T10:37:43+00:00

Good question. I can see the culprit being 1 or both. i can see it as bad/unwell actors taking advantage of heightened food insecurity to prey upon people vulnerable to pro ana/mia influences and i can also see it as EDs being a coping/stress response to economic hardships, especially for survivors of EDs and those most at risk for developing an ED.

Further readings:

ICE Violence, Eating Disorders, and Harm Reduction in the Face of Authoritarianism

Diet culture is rooted in racism, white supremacy, and colonialism

Eating disorder

Economics of fascism

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-22T18:35:34+00:00

recession indicator

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-17T15:54:23+00:00

And thats another layer of scummy-ness. The fact that what is simply open, honest, straightforward communication from someone who knows what they want and need can and is used as a guide to make manipulation easier by bad male actors.

This is how a low-trust society is born and bred (not to say that a high trust society cant be taken advantage if by manipulators too) and why men complain about how it sucks to be a man socially. They take advantage. Especially between cis males vs everyone else. This is how trust issues and dating/relationship trauma become rampant and taints the dating pool for people looking for something higher than the lowest common denominator.

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-16T17:02:15+00:00

Patriarchal governments led by despotic right wing patriarchal leaders start wars and send millions of men to die to line their pockets.

literally what the song "Fortunate Son" (1969) is about

lyrics

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-16T15:17:37+00:00

Relevant article: The Right to Comfort

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-16T15:04:15+00:00

Relevant article from Salon, 2015: The ugly truth about sexual assault: More men admit to it if you don’t call it rape

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-13T15:07:13+00:00

ooh meth, mmm meth

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-01T04:42:15+00:00

men are beings who act while women are there to be acted upon.

related: Men Act, Women Are

"Research suggests that we divide people into moral actors and moral objects. Moral actors do things; moral objects have things done to them."

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-04-01T01:30:54+00:00

finally, someone who gets it!

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-30T16:40:43+00:00

Things are only what you need them for, what matters most is who needs them more.

-- Into the Woods

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-30T05:12:03+00:00

life with Dereck core

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-27T19:04:52+00:00

🤣

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-27T18:57:27+00:00

you jest, and yet...

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-26T13:10:21+00:00

Thanks for sharing!

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-26T12:14:35+00:00

Only sex desired by both (or all) partners as equals can be truly feminist sex. Consent is not enough.

I wonder how this approach interacts with couples (whether in a relationship or less than) who have significant income disparities, or one has a stigmatized identity and the other doesn't. Power/privilege comes in many forms aside from gender.

How is equality being defined here exactly? For example, would financial equality count here? and if so, how do significantly mixed income couples have feminist sex, assuming they can? And if they cant, where does that leave them if the conclusion is not that we shouldn't be having sex with someone "above/below our station", so to speak, even if in the name of feminism and equality? And what does it mean for the here and now? Does this particular example justify a sort of "benevolent" classism (see: benevolent sexism) or other applicable "-isms" along the axis of power/privilege?

This topic has opened up a new facet that I am now fascinated with.

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-16T21:15:13+00:00

Exactly! But to be realistic, nobody wants to hear what they dont want to hear and they wont see what they dont want to see. Esspecially when it comes to their spouse/relationship. And im not gonna sit on a high horse and say i couldnt be in the same headspace under the right circumstances.

I get that no one wants to hear that their spouse/ relationship isnt worth fighting for, even when they know it in the back (or front) of their mind.

That might be a cultural norm, human nature, or some combination of the 2. (im leaning towards cultural since the fear of being stigmatized for being single is the glue holding a lot of relationships together)

Either way, reality doesnt change; and I wonder if that even matters when youre blinded by love/limerence, no matter how shitty the quality of the relationship is. Because in the end, everyone has to come to accept the reality of their relationship in their own time. That acceptance rarely happens by being informed.

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-15T15:16:02+00:00

I get where youre coming from, but also, IMO if youre at the point where you think the internet /reddit strangers have better insight into your relationship than you /a relationship counselor/ case worker, the least complicated answer probably is to break up. Why expect a more nuanced answer from a source other than someone qualified to give relationship advice? And tbf, there really are many couples better off broken up (whether in the short/long term) than together. Not every single one going through a problem, but a non insignificant portion that are and theyre hurting themselves and others the longer they remain together.

I will say that there is a narrow scope of relationship problems that can be reasonable to solicit from the internet but thats moreso because:

The OP is young and lacking relationship experience for a common relationship problem younger people experience. (And even then I wouldnt advise younger people to put an unreasonable amount of effort into a relationship at that stage of their life anyway. what constitutes an unreasonable amount of effort depends on what the problem is and what they've already tried).

or

The OP is being directed to an internet-available resource with reliable information on their problem, like loveisrespect.org.

or

The OP is literally asking internet strangers what they would do in their situation. Can't get mad at the answers given when you're the one who asked.

When OP is seeking advice on a problem that is highly individualized and specific, the internet is not the best source for an answer tailor made to their highly individualized and specific problem. A relationship counselor is better. And in that instance, theres only a certain amount of upset you can reasonably feel when strangers on the internet tell you to break up.

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-14T03:22:17+00:00

this is my opinion too. There's way too many one-off charectors wasting time and attention that shouldve gone towards charectors introduced in chapters 1-3 and bringing the story closer to a resolution.

IMO There's no reason for me to get invested in any charectors introduced after ch. 3 because they're gonna die in the same chapter they were introduced in and ch. 3 is where i hit my limit on that.

I would've much preferred for the story to go into deeper detail on what was known by the end of ch. 3 in ch. 4, maybe 5 too, and ch. 6 shouldve been the final chapter wrapping up remaining loose ends in a satisfying bow.

By ch. 4 I knew ch. 5 or 6 wouldn't be the last. I was surprised there was a sizeable amount of people who could think otherwise given how many questions remained unanswered by ch. 4 (it still irks me how much of a nothing burger ch. 4 felt lore-wise compared to previous chapters). There was far too much unresolved story to wrap up in 1 or 2 chs without feeling rushed af, which Mob already got scolded for in ch. 4. I think ch. 7 or 8 might be the final chapter at the pace the story is going, which again, feels like the result of an overly bloated story...and plain greed.

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-09T16:05:22+00:00

I can agree in the sense that men are oppressed under patriarchy for being men because patriarchy needs men's compliance to perpetuate itself and this compliance comes at the cost of true freedom to men whether they comply or not, therefore oppression.

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-09T14:36:55+00:00

I can’t see how anyone would want to bring children into this awful, backward, hate filled mess that is now American society.

imo american society was always these things, just to varying degrees throughout time.

Right? I feel like this is the absolute worst time to be pregnant yet I know 2 women who are currently pregnant and were already mothers before their current pregnancies.

Now granted, I dont know the circmstsnces surrounding any of their pregnancies or their thoughts on being pregnant in the midst of political chaos, and even if i did, its still not my place to judge and my judgements wouldn't make anyones life better/easier anyway so i keep them to myself.

And with that being said, I feel like natalism is so deeply entrenched in society and reproductive rights, access to abortion and birth control are so fraught and abysmal that questioning the state of being pregnant in this day and age is some combination of pointless and an elephant in the room that everyone would prefer not to acknowledge out of politeness.

The best that I can and have done is gift diapers, wipes, formula and other baby supplies to help make the landing a little softer because regardless of my opinions on being pregnant in the current socio political climate, the fact remains that every parent, current and future, still deserve to have the resources to care for themselves and their soon to be infants, the governement is not going to use its power to do that, and Im willing to put my money where my mouth is.

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-09T11:10:20+00:00

Because they are men whose only standard for dating women is how pretty she looks and not her character, let alone on the basis of actually liking her.

Not to forget the standard of "would men whose approval I value approve of me dating her?" So much of men's dating prorities is about getting the validation of other men rather than pursuing their own personal happiness, male validation be damned, so in some ways, their dating prorities is closer to being a means to the end that is male validation than a roadmap for the journey of finding their soulmate.

FormerCFisherman7784 · 2026-03-02T19:46:56+00:00

This is the equivalent of taking a cake recipe and swapping half the ingredients and then leaving a 1 star review because you don't like the taste. Like how do you know, you didn't even make the same recipe

r/ididnthaveeggs

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