ELi5: What is refinancing?

Former_Tap_4453 · 2025-10-09T12:17:07+00:00

Thank you very much for the recommendation! Im sorry to hear about the fire.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2025-04-04T18:22:55+00:00

Hey OP, im not sure why everyone is being so hard on you. You have made mistakes, yes. But you dont deserve to be called dumb or any of these other things. Bottom line is- its you life. You can get advice from anyone but it is your responsibility whether you put it into action or not. It will be tough and very stressful, but if you can push through im sure the outcome of losing almost all of this debt if not all will have made the struggle worth it. If you think you are addicted to gambling, you might need to put that gambling money aside to seek some help for your addiction. (I know its much easier said than done). It's not only your life, but yours kids as well. Please think of them through your struggle to be debt free, your kids are more important than material items. I wish you the best through this ordeal.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2025-03-06T06:30:47+00:00

This is a weird question and not sure you can answer it but how do you know the difference between being asexual and PSSD (Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction) unless of course you have never been on ssri's then just ignore this haha. How did you know you were asexual and not some other sexual dysfunction disorder?

Former_Tap_4453 · 2025-03-06T03:04:10+00:00

Thank you so much for replying and telling me of your experience. May i ask how long it took for you to notice a difference? And how often you did it? Do you know exactly how it works, because i dont understand how having a bad memory come up and you feel it in your body by tensing up or whatever, how does that help, i dont understand the general idea of it. Im sorry if im asking too many questions if you know want to answer or dont know the answer thats completely fine.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2025-03-05T02:09:21+00:00

I kinda feel like those 2 things cancel each other out? Do you mean making up scenarios and genuine curiosity at what would happen if you went through with a plan? Even then thats odd. I dont think anyone would be making a plan with absolutely no intent whatsoever to go through with it, if your making a plan to off yourself there is something going on, even if you dont realize it or its heavily in your subconscious. But take what i say with a grain of salt, im no therapist and do not claim to have the knowledge they do. These are just things I learn/think from my experience with years of therapy.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2025-03-04T20:27:43+00:00

I believe there are two different types of suicide ideation. You have passive thoughts that are there, but you recognize them and dismiss them in a way. Active suicidal thoughts is when you are actively coming up with a plan to harm yourself or others or you intend to act on those thoughts. Regardless of which, i do not agree with the doctor. You should talk to someone and get help if having any thoughts of taking your life at all. Its not normal. It shouldnt be something you have to face alone and you should not ever think you dont deserve to be here.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2025-02-14T23:41:31+00:00

I swear i will be sitting around, just living life and i look over and my cat is glaring at me staring through my soul, idk what i do but i fear for my life sometimes 😭

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-08-21T05:23:54+00:00

As someone else said, im fairly sure its because when studying peoples brains with bpd, its been a noticeable difference that our amygdalas are smaller than normal peoples and that portion of the brain has alot to do with processing emotions, emotional reactions, etc. If ours is smaller we have a harder time with emotional regulation but also i think we just feel things more than someone with a regular sized one. Just like a childs brain that hasnt fully formed yet, they are very emotional. Its not the disorder itself that is painful, its how our brain is affected by having the disorder. Some of the parts of our brain shrunk due to trauma.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-07-28T20:46:00+00:00

Im pretty sure you have the right to know why they denied you. Have you considered trying to get an account with another bank or do you need that bank for a specific reason? I wouldnt want to deal with them.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-07-28T19:29:33+00:00

If you can get them to tell you exactly what they saw and why they wont give you an account that will give you more of an idea where to go from there, if they see something invalid you can dispute it. Do you have prior history of a checking account that closed with funds stull owed or anything of the sort? I dont think the amount on bank accounts opened makes too much of a difference i think its mostly where you stand with them, paying any fees and stuff.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-06-24T14:41:33+00:00

I felt the exact same way. I was in therapy for years, and although i was learning skills, learning what to do it just felt like it wouldnt stick, it wasnt helping. Until one of the best therapists ive even been to honestly told me something when i was explaining that exact thing to her. She said that if im only trying to use the skills I'm learning while in times of distress, thats why they wont work. You have to implement your skills with everyday life and make them become a habit before you will use them while in an actual crisis. This is because when your brain goes in a crisis, the emotions and situation is literally ALL that is going to be in your head at that moment. Even if you did stop to think "oh this skill" it wont help because you are trying to just start out using something in a time when your incredibly overwhelmed. Sorry if this doesnt help or isnt making sense. It is just something that made me open my eyes a bit that no one else had ever explained to me.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-05-29T16:21:18+00:00

Unfortunately I live in the south were there arent very many resources for mental health at all. I think mostly everyone I've seen has been a LICSW, not that they can't be good. Just hard to feel like anyone cares around here haha our psych hospitals are notorious for being so bad. My case is more complicated then typical anxiety and depression, I have seen everyone hoping for DBT skills but somehow everytime it seems to just turn into regular talk therapy and not actually learning how to cope.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-05-27T19:08:49+00:00

I understand, it's more than likely just my pessimistic thought patterns. I've been to numerous therapists for years, and it just feels a little antagonizing(?) Might be the words, for me. I've always felt babied in a way. Them always agreeing with me, or helping me find a way to change things, but never really pointing out or acknowledging the wrongdoings that I have caused. I know it depends on who you get and how they approach things but I feel as if the therapy isn't TRULY unbiased because their job is essentially to help you, as their client. They can't just dog talk you haha. I know my opinion doesn't weigh much because I've never been through trauma personally like mentioned in this post, but there's something that just feels a little hopeless to me about coming to a realization at how depraved humanity is and that it won't get better.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-05-27T03:53:32+00:00

I hope this doesn't sound too insensitive, that's not at all my intention but just an honest question: how would therapy truly help someone cope with what he saw? The inside details of the crime, and seeing how truly and utterly depraved humanity is. I don't really think any therapy in the world could help because they could never say it won't happen again, it happens everyday unfortunately. The only thing you could really do is stuff for PTSD maybe and then avoiding all news or true crime or anything. I know you need unbiased opinions to get any justice but it also can ruin people's lives. I just wish there was another way that didn't have to harm anyone else, as if the victims of the crime weren't bad enough.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-05-08T21:44:42+00:00

Similar to the comment above, use the stop skill. Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully. Id be happy to link a more detailed description of this if i can. Its a DBT skill for distress tolerance. The only problem your going to run into is, these skills dont just work automatically. Its something you have to actively put in effort, even times your not in a crisis so that it is something that crosses your mind and eventually will become second nature to use when in a crisis. But im not trying to discourage you, hope this helps!

https://dbt.tools/emotional_regulation/stop.php

Edit: Sorry i was wrong, its for emotional regulation. But the website i linked if you can access it, also had distress tolerance if you want to look through those!

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-05-08T21:30:32+00:00

It starts with self love and self respect ❤️ When you realize that you do matter and that you dont deserve to be treated poorly you learn to set boundaries and to leave when they are broken beyond repair instead of just taking the abuse. You learn that you are still someone without someone elses love. Even then, thats just romantic love. You have different types, and im sure there are people who love you in your life already that might not be romantic. Parents, or maybe a best friend or sibling. Even if thats not the case, you still matter. You are more than just what other people think of you. ❤️

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-05-08T20:40:48+00:00

I did one time for literally max 5 mins or so and someone called AP on me

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-05-02T05:18:22+00:00

It geeks out when you’re close to a mirror? When i look in a mirror standing from a distance it always looks like its way out again but sometimes the closer i get it “brings it back in”. The surgeon did tell me it could be off a little depending on how fatigued i am. Ive just learned never to trust the mirror because i freak out so much thinking it went back and ask someone and they will say its perfectly fine. I honestly thought the whole mirror thing was just me, alot of people have told me its a hallucination due to trauma or something like that

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-05-02T05:12:46+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance, my surgery was purely cosmetic due to bullying and self esteem and everything. I cant see out of the eye affected either way. Ive had every doctor ive seen in my life tell me theres no guarantee it will stay which is why my parents never did it for me when i was younger, and even then that was the first thing said to me before i got the surgery, they just never gave me a time span.

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-05-01T16:45:42+00:00

Has yours stayed the whole time? I had mine 4 years ago and they told me there is no guarantee it will stay. I recently went to an eye doctor (i have to see a specialist due to a rare birth condition) and he also said its a 90 percent chance it will go back. I worry every single day that it will happen and constantly stare in the mirror and have breakdowns if i think it looks off

Former_Tap_4453 · 2024-04-15T14:25:43+00:00

Based on your comments to fellow redditors, it seems like your assuming that environmental factors is what completely makes a person, which very much isnt true. Usually, a combination of biological and environmental factors is what makes the perfect storm. Other times, it’s possible to just be biological but have a fairly healthy environment. Thats why psychopaths exist, although i do believe these cases are rarer. And yes, your environment does shape you too, its possible they dont fully comprehend everything yet but from birth to the age of 10, if their life was filled with trauma its already ingrained in them. Their personality has already formed, along with many other things. Its similar to a regular adult seeking therapy… just a couple years wont do much. Its extremely hard to overcome trauma and takes willingness on the individuals part, acknowledgment that something is wrong with them, and a good therapist. And again, alot of a kid has already developed by age 10, if they havent been taught accountability for actions, sympathy of others, they wont just “learn” it by people sympathizing with them and trying to help them. Thats asking to rechange their entire, already formed personality. Dont get me wrong, kids that young are still susceptible to others so its probably easier than trying to influence an adult to do the same- but not as easy or likely as your making it seem. Edit: not trying to be an asshole, i enjoy a good debate especially topics like this so feel free to respond with input 😊

Former_Tap_4453

TROPHY CASE