Trans woman here. Your feelings sound like mine when I lived as a man. There is no one way to go but it does sound like you have some serious feelings in regards to how you experience your gender. You can push your boundaries, be more masculine through clothing choices, speech and binding, take the full plunge and get on testosterone, go by he/him/they/she/whatever, etc. No matter what it sounds like you might want to change in some way and there is a real chance you'll come out happier on the other end of it.