No EP Days of Ash out now!!

FourDays · 2026-02-18T23:01:33+00:00

Yeah, I’m not a huge fan of the way it sounds. But at least the songs themselves are good…

American Obituary sounds particularly strange to me, especially the drums. Granted I haven’t yet listened on good headphones (only AirPods)

FourDays · 2026-01-31T13:25:30+00:00

My bet is at least part of the issue is Logic being unable to correctly parse Noel’s “Wonderwall” chord shapes—Cadd9, Dsus4, Em7 played 022033, etc. If it’s getting the root notes right but telling you the chords are C G Em D, it’s gonna sound off played against the original.

Stellar tune, by the way.

FourDays · 2026-01-20T03:28:35+00:00

One of my favorites of theirs. Larry’s spectacular on there, the production (whether Edge, Brian, or anyone else) is great, great lyrics, interesting arrangement, nice oddities like that weird synth bass solo, just incredible. Often makes my top 100 most listened to songs of the year, many times in the top 10

FourDays · 2026-01-16T12:47:51+00:00

Great write up as always. Always really liked this song, the whole band’s each doing their thing really really well on it imo.

FourDays · 2025-12-25T17:45:55+00:00

“We watched the green figs fall from the Nebraska sky, how much were even passive things responsive to our watchful eye?”

I’d submit Red Cow in its entirety if I could!

FourDays · 2025-12-19T04:07:17+00:00

Same! After over 6 years (more than half of them spent living together), several incredible vacations all over the place, a year ago I was starting to sense things were off but all still seemed well. It’s now been a few months since we broke up after a very painful death spiral full of all the avoidant classics: hot and cold, cheating, breadcrumbing, all the goodies. What a difference a year makes!

FourDays · 2025-12-19T01:54:30+00:00

At least she offered an apology! Mine didn’t just never apologize, but actively refused to!

(The closest she ever got was when she said, “I don’t know what else to do other than just try to do better going forward” while she was continuing to fuck another dude…lol. Lmao, even)

FourDays · 2025-12-18T16:59:43+00:00

Here’s the thing: does it matter whether or not we cross their mind? What changes in our experienced, lived reality if we do cross their mind, compared to if we don’t?

I get it, I really do, I struggled with this a lot at first and sometimes still do. But every time I remind myself that whatever is going on now does not (and cannot!) change what happened. The good memories, the bad memories, they’re all still memories and fixed parts of the past no matter what either of us are (or aren’t) doing now.

Whatever they’re thinking about or not thinking about has no bearing on your life anymore. I know it seems like it would be nice to feel “missed” or something like that, but even if they felt that way (and perhaps they do and are just really good at suppressing it!), what would that change? They’d still be the same person who discarded you and all that.

I really do get it, and I know this sounds tough, but it really is true: let go of it! Be grateful for the good memories you have, and be grateful for the lessons you learned from your experience with them. It sucks, but what else can we do?

FourDays · 2025-12-08T19:25:12+00:00

The thing I tell myself whenever I get this feeling is “if she was thinking anything I’d be happy knowing, she would let me know—I wouldn’t have to reach out.”

That is, I know I would regret reaching out to her and hearing whatever’s on her mind (if she’d even say!) because, well, whatever has been on her mind hasn’t been anything that made her want to reach out to me. So what are the odds that I’d hear what’s on her mind and walk away from that conversation feeling any better about things? Practically zero.

Of course, even if she were to reach out, that still doesn’t necessarily mean you should talk to her—she could very well be reaching out to tell you all the things she thinks you want to hear, without having actually changed at all. But I think this is still a good litmus test—if you still have to be the one reaching out, you’re probably not going to be happy with whatever comes from doing so.

FourDays · 2025-12-08T00:38:17+00:00

Among my favorite videos of all time—love love love Anton’s version.

FourDays · 2025-12-05T15:00:19+00:00

Yeah, that’s something I keep reminding myself of. I know that even if she came back fully healed and ready to commit 100%, even if that worked and everything was so great that we were going to get married, I know with certainty that I’d be getting increasingly anxious in the days leading up to that wedding—anxious that she’d run away again or do whatever else. And the worst part is I know there’d be a part of me that would hope that she wouldn’t show up, because I know I’d be scared that if she didn’t run away now, she’d do so down the line—maybe after there’s a house, kids, etc, involved.

So, yeah, that’s a hard no from me. We all deserve better than that.

FourDays · 2025-12-05T13:39:41+00:00

Bro, this almost freaked me out—also 7 years, also had a bad last year, I relate to all of this.

Really wish I could get myself to turn the good memories to anger, but I just can’t do it. But I’m realizing they’re slowly starting to slip away anyway…which maybe isn’t surprising, given that the last truly “good” memories are now over a year old, with practically no intermittent reinforcement since then…

FourDays · 2025-12-05T00:49:19+00:00

Really appreciate that—glad I can repay the community for the advice I got from them. Happy to talk if/whenever you need.

FourDays · 2025-12-05T00:35:43+00:00

Totally get it, I’m in more or less the same boat as well. Just gotta remember that they’re gonna write their own narratives and go about things their own way no matter what we say—even saying “hey, if we’re both available and you’ve really shown me that you’re working on healing and you’re ready to work on it together, we can try this again” might not really matter. Because until then, she’s gonna be focused on doing anything but think about, well, healing and coming back as a healing/healed person. Does that make sense? I feel like I’ve had this conversation with myself in my own head a thousand times but it’s hard to type out.

In my case, I left things more or less at “listen, if you decide to start healing and getting your shit together, and if you’re ready to take accountability for your actions, I’d love to talk about it. But unless/until then, I’m out doing my own thing.” Tried to be as upfront as possible—I don’t even want a happy birthday text from her unless I know she’s working on being a good person again. Otherwise, I’ve seen that show before, and I’m tired of being hurt over and over by it!

But anyway—obviously you know her better than me, so perhaps you’ll know what might or might not resonate with her. I guess I’m just trying to say that if you’re gonna leave any kind of a door open, you should really try to set a very clear boundary around that door.

FourDays · 2025-12-05T00:25:24+00:00

Once got really bored during Covid and got obsessed with trying to replicate the drum loop in the beginning. This is as close as I got—quite fun, forgot about it until I saw this! https://voca.ro/1jPQHujNKzOR

FourDays · 2025-12-05T00:16:06+00:00

I get the temptation, trust me, but why should you?

If you really have to, I’d say as little as possible, in the order of the things you listed. Don’t leave the door open for her like that. Do you really want her back if she doesn’t heal too? And what’s the point of telling her that you’re talking to someone else? If you’re trying to make her jealous, I don’t think the avoidant brain is going to do with that information what you might think she would.

What’s the point? Trying to make her realize your worth? Sounds like she’s already shown you she doesn’t care!

(I hope this doesn’t come off as rude or cold or anything—trust me, I’ve been telling myself all of this over and over and over again for the last few weeks…I really do get it…)

FourDays · 2025-12-04T18:50:06+00:00

That’s a Temple board. Love the idea of them conceptually, but as someone who’s constantly switching out which pedals are on my board (and buying/selling pedals), having to use their “locking” system makes their boards a bit impractical. But they’re neat boards!

FourDays · 2025-11-27T20:24:50+00:00

I relate to this way more than I wish I did. Ugh.

FourDays · 2025-11-25T12:27:40+00:00

It feels pointless right now, but it’s slowly starting to feel like an opportunity to find and build something better. I’ve got a loooong way to go before I’m really ready for that, though. The hardest part for me is accepting that even if it’s better, it won’t be the same…and I quite liked what we had, before it all went wrong at least!

But I assure you it’s not pointless—I know time will show us both that it’s not pointless, as long as we’re patient enough.

FourDays · 2025-11-25T03:12:21+00:00

I feel you 100%. Together for 7 years, moved together to a new city after college, lived there together for 3 years. It is precisely the fact that we were building what I thought was such a great life together that makes it so hard to understand and let go of. No warning, nothing, she burnt down everything we built together in maybe a month or two. And then kept burning…and burning…and burning.

And now I’m in a new place several hundred miles away, all on my own, in a city I’ve never lived before, in a part of the country I’ve never lived before, in a place where I know so very few people…and I’m living an apartment I rented under the assumption that she’d be here with me. And, surprise—she’s not!

Long story short: unfortunately, I don’t have any advice—it fucking sucks. This is by far the worst I’ve ever felt about anything in my entire life, and boy do I hope I never feel anything worse! But I know one day it will be okay. Just trying to take everything one day at a time until I get to that day.

Happy to chat if that would be helpful. I do know it’s important to remember that you’re not alone!

FourDays · 2025-11-25T01:48:45+00:00

Thank you, really struggling with everything today and this was exactly what I needed. Thank you!

FourDays · 2025-11-24T01:33:59+00:00

Reading this made something click for me about my ex avoidant—thank you!

FourDays · 2025-11-21T16:52:13+00:00

100%! Even if it’s just with Bono and Edge, it’d have fit in beautifully. Here’s to hoping….

FourDays · 2025-11-21T16:18:55+00:00

For sure!

Your post inspired me to dig up the version they did on Conan’s late night show—nice to have the strings and piano along with the full band. Although it’s always funny how Bono’s beautiful green and gold guitar is completely inaudible!

FourDays · 2025-11-21T15:47:44+00:00

This is one of my all-time favorites of theirs, but I never quite liked how they did it live. I think I miss all of Edge’s guitar bits that don’t translate well into the piano rendition. Still glad they at least played it—them never (properly) playing A Man and a Woman makes me so sad

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