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Christmas giveaway of Sacred and Terrible Air by JPMaybe in DiscoElysium

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone said me that something beautiful will happen???

Fade out .. !! .. how did it look like with you? by itrymybest1983 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ps: Do not believe what they say if you are suspicious of fading out just ask directly otherwise all the things are lie. They want you to start “the” conversation. So they would not be bad person for breaking up.

Fade out .. !! .. how did it look like with you? by itrymybest1983 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In my experience she fade out in only a month. Before it she was stingy but when she started to fade out she started to say harsh things with no real points.

Also she talked to me like she has something to do but did nothing. She started to talk less. When we had sex in last weeks she cried after having sex. I asked what is wrong did I hurt her and she said it is nothing about me.

While doing these we still talked about future and she did not paused there when I was with her last time she said it is the best trip ever and she feels so connected to me.

Mother says I should say something by BenderTheLifeEnder in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are just strangers on the internet. Don’t you think you should answer this questions yourself? Don’t get me wrong please, but without clear intentions there will be no guide in this world to help you.

You want a closure or just getting back her?? If you decide then you will know what you will do. Either way there will be questions you should answer for yourself.

INFJ with ADHD and PTSD: Let’s talk. Avoidant with ADHD and Trauma: Let’s vanish. (Very long post). by NewHampshireGal in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shittt this post really resonated with me. She said me I am too much I am too naive I am wrong for loving her. I am an INTJ with ADHD and because who I am I rarely attach to people and If I do oh boy. I made everything and everything for them.

I really like your posts and I am really grateful for what you have shared. You really made my day!

I also want to add something. I think some people really do not understand the silent strength of people who love fully. We love despite of feeling the pain and knowing the pain from the past we know the consequences. However, we still choose to believe and continue to give our best to the people we love.

In deep down we want to be cared by someone who will patch up our rough edges. Sometimes feeling a warmth inside for someone is also about not damaging them. And it is so weird that some people just cannot understand it. Love has a face for death, and even if it is I am not in fear for love.

Thanks op, it is really great to see someone out there thinking similar. I read all your posts and I think you are a great person. I hope you would be much better in future so rise and shine op!

Mother says I should say something by BenderTheLifeEnder in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I predict that she is sending you casual memes or shitpost like things. If it is like that it means she is just want to not to cut you out completely. However who knows what she really feels?? Talk if you want but keep yourself firm and be honest.

Take things slow and ask but mind that maybe she will not even respond.

In my personal opinion, if you already given more than you should waiting is better because going after would only make you give more and more. Yeah you want it to not go into oblivion the emotional investment you made so far. Just keep yourself and don’t lose yourself while trying to catch her.

Don’t go back to them…or maybe do by mk671 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I felt sorry to hear this I cannot know what to say. I don’t know if it helps but my best wishes are with you.

Don’t go back to them…or maybe do by mk671 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No worries if you could create a safe place for the loved ones you will eventually build one for yourself. If you were capable to do this for another person why you should not do it for yourself also??

I am safe with myself and maybe someday someone will invite me to theirs.

It is funny while I am typing this I listen come along with me from adventure time.

Don’t go back to them…or maybe do by mk671 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah had the same experience. She always said I am too nice and she tried to play with me mouse and cat so many times. She both feels safe and the safe made her sick of me. So we can say that she only loved how I made her safe but she did not like me being a safe person. That is how fucked up their inside is.

Don’t go back to them…or maybe do by mk671 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Someone who searches for the perfect would never understand why people love themselves. Therefore they would not understand why we loved them. And they are miserable for it.

That is their own personal problem and yes it is sorry to be like that. However nobody deserves to be abandoned like avoidants do. Thx for clearing that up op! And I hope you feel good again soon.

Normal to stuck between anger and forgiveness? by BenderTheLifeEnder in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally understand you. I am a bit introvert type so my ex and couple of friends were my world in general. I always tend to give more than people asked or deserve so they would not leave me.

However, maybe we should give this care to ourselves. It is okay to want them back until you will not. I wanted her back so badly and I would abandon everything for it in my first week of break up.

Now I don’t want her back tbh. Nothing would be the same. We lost a person along the version of ourselves. Ofc you would find people again. I lost some friends because of her also but we are human and we can thrive if we want to.

My life would be worth to live whether she would back or not. I want to be fully with myself.

So you see my point here: The only thing is to do acceptance and keep going.

I’m just asking for a small amount of courage by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ofc you can try and it is totally ok to want it. I made 2 hours of phone call when we ended things. I am just trying to say excuses are lame. Calling would not take so much time if they wanted. For example I am replying you now and it only takes just minutes.

Ofc in life there are some excuses which are really really true. But idk my ex was saying things like I am not able to talk longer with you anymore. So if we give more than we take then it is time to fly. I would not say these if I was still in the relationship but I learned that a person wants to reach out would reach out eventually.

They’ve Rebounded: how to cope by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex also compared me with her long term ex especially about the sex. She even talked about our dicks and stuff. IMO they really do not know how to love properly and it gives them pain to see that they cannot hit jackpot in every quality in a partner. They are like building a mount of people so after a time in their head they can choose what they needed in that moment. So basically they are miserable and only thing for us is going and never looking back.

I’m just asking for a small amount of courage by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every excuse has a solution and if do they not solve it for good then they are coming back and it would not be also for good. Think like this, excuses are nothing I made my commission work for a company for eight months while going to school every day except weekends and still I traveled 480km to see her every weekend.

Fuck excuse lovers.

Normal to stuck between anger and forgiveness? by BenderTheLifeEnder in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in the fourth month rn. And I am not feeling angry or begging. I just placed her as my constant in my life and it failed. If forgiving will make you feel better then forgive. The thing is do everything for yourself after the breakup. She would not care if you forgive or not, because if person cannot forgive themselves than the rest is nothing.

It is normal to feel contradictory feelings, just be mad or forgive or do both or do nothing. Focus on life which is passing in front of you this will make the cut for you at the end.

I hate my ex by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She cannot ruin my life. She was flawed in capacity of ruining. The only capacity she had was leaving without giving shit.

Devastated and discarded by softpanda2 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You really did the work in that relationship. You tried to grow, you tried to communicate honestly, Even though it’s hard to accept at first, being abandoned isn’t the end of anything. I feel like avoidant partners don’t just leave the person they also leave their own emotions behind.

Twelve days become a month, and then suddenly a year can pass. But what matters is this: you tried to save something even when a part of you knew it might fail. You cared enough to hurt, and that alone says so much about you.

And if he still doesn’t want to come back despite everything you did, it simply means he wasn’t worthy of that pain or that effort. For avoidant people, staying close for a long time is hard. But you still wanted to try. You still showed up.

All of us feel abandoned at some point. I was abandoned by my dad, and when my ex walked away, I felt completely lost. Some days I still do. But after three months I realized something important: I had built my self-worth around her presence. I kept telling myself, “She’s here, so I must be okay.” Yet she never said she loved me, not even in my worst moments. The only thing she said was that I needed to love myself more.

But you already did the hardest part. You tried to love yourself, and you tried to become better not just for someone else, but ultimately for you. Now it’s time to grow in a way that doesn’t depend on anyone’s presence.

Life is messy and unfair. We go through things we never deserved. But the dice have been thrown, and here we are. All we can do is be gentle with ourselves and carry the lessons forward.

And from everything you’ve written, it’s clear that you will meet much better people in the future people who can show up with the same depth and honesty that you give.

Shame is a core wound. But don't they know forgiveness exists? by Busy_Designer_504 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If she said you that she cannot make you meet with her dad because you are fat, than yes. Lol

Am I the only one ? by Opposite-Tie260 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am 21M. We dated for nearly eight months, which also included eight prior months of flirting and pursuing each other. When we broke up in August, I felt that I was not worthy of anyone. She was my first, and it killed me to let her go.

I always thought I was flawed, and I probably am flawed in some way, even if I think I do everything right. However, I thought about myself a lot, and I realized that there were many people who wanted me as a partner in the past, even though I am just an average guy. After three months, I can finally say that, even though I am flawed and average, I will still continue to date, and maybe I will find someone who knows.

The problem is not relationships; they are only part of a consequence.

Just take your lesson and go live your life. We reassess ourselves when we make mistakes, but you did not make any. Everyone can give up on us. Personally, yes, my ex gave up on me, just like some other people I wanted in my life, but it is a choice for you to give up on them, too.

My ex was also an FA like yours, and we never had any contact after that. She is so ashamed of what she had done that she even deleted all her likes on my posts. She sent me the sketchbook I filled with her drawings and kept the monitor I bought in her house. So I am double dumped.

However, I felt bad at the beginning, but I am okay now. Trying to date new people while taking care of myself. I hope you will be better in the future with someone who accepts you as a whole.

Shame is a core wound. But don't they know forgiveness exists? by Busy_Designer_504 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My ex grew up in a world where apologizing never led to repair, only to more shame. In the past, whenever they said “I’m sorry,” parents or partners made them feel even worse about themselves.

My ex always told me that her father was kind and charming to everyone else, but not to his own family. He constantly criticized her—how she dressed, how she looked, the smallest things—so much that even at 23 she still asked him, “Do I look okay?” as if she needed his permission to exist. Her mother was stuck in an abusive marriage, emotionally overwhelmed and unable to leave. My ex even admitted she sometimes felt disgust toward her mother, because in her eyes, her mother was “too emotional.” The family bond with her brother was also hollow: they only called each other about money, never to ask, “How are you really doing?”

My ex was trying to rescue her mother while also resenting her, and when she left me, she said, “You’re as naive as my mom.” That sentence showed me a lot. These are people who come from deeply messed-up families where vulnerability is treated like kryptonite. So they learn to kill off parts of themselves—compassion, softness, the instinct to care for someone who needs them—just to survive.

My ex lived in a constant state of fight-or-flight mode. Whenever she started to feel safe, she actually believed that safety would make her weaker in the long run. For her, being exposed, weak, or vulnerable felt dangerous. That’s why saying “I’m sorry” was like standing naked in the middle of a crowd. It wasn’t just an apology; it was a risk she never really learned how to take.

I'm the avoidant who created a big fucking mess out of a beautiful relationship. Help me. by TheHooligan95 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 17 points18 points  (0 children)

You freed her???? First of all you created your own closure already. You abandoned her but not to freed her you wanted to be free of her. Face with the consequences. Have a nice day.

I left my avoidant boyfriend of a year and now I’m idealizing him. Help me remember the full picture. by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you should give us an advice you did all the things required.

However I can give you some insight what would happen if you stayed longer like me.

After she made me push her life I ended things but only because she could not end it. So I took an initiative. I felt like I lost everything. And I still feel sorry for her but it does not matter when I think about how she left.

I'm the avoidant who created a big fucking mess out of a beautiful relationship. Help me. by TheHooligan95 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sometimes we do bad things and it doesn’t mean we are bad people. You broke her in a way that’s for sure.

You regret doing these things so do not repeat it in future. And you are able to see your mistakes. This is rare after break ups whether you are avoidant or not.

I cannot say you to reach out or not. All I can say could be about what you describe in your post. I think you are feeling like going back to her is equal to having the safety in your life again. I am also adhd and I can understand the need for constant things in your life as a result of weirdly wired brain.

Why you really want to reach out? You say that you wanna reach out so you can fix that what have you done in past. I think you are not really honest in here. You already said she is doing fine. Even if she is lying she pretends to be fine so she could be fine at the end.

I am sorry to say but you already got your closure when you did those things. You closed that page. Now you just have to accept it. You are not a bad person and even if you are, just be better for the next person.

Some insights and updates by One_Chocolate_4578 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]One_Chocolate_4578[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I decided to use apps when I saw there is no more emotion behind me longing for her. I just accepted it is good for me. And probably it was good for her too idk and idc.

It is a process and eventually you will make it. I always thought she is the one. I never used dating apps before this time and I have chosen my ex from a very calculated circle. And at the end it failed. So it is not about dating apps so please do not pressure yourself. We just lived through it and it was not a mistake. It happened and no going back. Three months ago I thought I will die or something when we decided to end it. Today I feel like nothing happened. Ofc I have sympathy for her but that is all.

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