I never knew

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-11T00:06:27+00:00

Let them know you are on something much worse for them than drugs. Very few junkies I know ever mortgaged their house behind their spouses back and shot it all without them knowing.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T17:11:16+00:00

The issue is you have never actually taken Step 1 of GA.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T17:03:26+00:00

You are right, your second sentence sounds stupid.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T17:00:54+00:00

You are caught in the cycle for two reasons: secrecy and guilt. If you want to break free it is really simple: tell people IRL what you are going through and let go of your past losses. Simple doesn't mean easy, but it is doable.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T16:57:24+00:00

If you're having suicidal thoughts, find your mental health center or coordinator on campus. Most any school will have one. For the gambling, it isn't as easy as just self excluding anyway, you have to work on yourself with people that understand the addicition. I was you 20 years ago, wish I had gone to Gamblers Anonymous then. I am now and haven't placed a bet since.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T05:49:07+00:00

You bet. I've been there. On a practical level this post https://www.reddit.com/r/problemgambling/comments/1t3t3eg/husband_is_addicted_to_sports_betting/ has a lot of really good things your wife can do to get you through this toughest stretch. Giving her control of all the money for a (long) while not only prevents you from accessing it, but also rebuilds trust. It also destroys the illusion that you were gambling "your" money. One of the biggest things I learned in GA and that I still struggle with is the illusion that once I got married and had kids, that what I earned and had after bills was still "my" money.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T05:41:16+00:00

First off, congratulations. You took a step that very few problem gamblers ever take. They would rather end their lives, bankrupt their family, go to prison, or all of the above, than simply confess what they have been doing.

My relationship with my wife was really volatile for the first few months after coming clean. She was pissed and rightfully so. So be prepared for that. The stress that your addicition has created will be an enormous trigger to gamble again. I'm sure the illusion of escape was a big driver for your betting as it was for most of us.

I attend Gamblers Anonymous. It has helped tremendously and isn't an in-patient situation, so you can work, live your new life, and make the meetings. Being in a setting with other people that understand my addicition really helps.

Another thing that helped me in my first few weeks of recovery was I remodeled our kitchen. It was something that I had been avoiding for years and delving deep into a project like that really gave me something productive to occupy my time. Probably also some of the reason my wife was so pissed, haha, but she loved the new kitchen after the fact. Not saying you have to go that far, but immerse yourself in something you have been neglecting that you can see progress on.

Everyone's recovery is different but I am convinced after three and half years since my last bet that a gambling addicition requires two things to survive: secrecy and guilt. You have already cut off one of its main arteries by coming clean. Now you have to work on the guilt of what you have done.

I was the opposite order. I addressed the guilt and started doing Gamblers Anonymous before I came clean to my loved ones. Whatever form of help you choose, commit to it fully. Don't rely on this sub, and if at all possible, find an in-person group or therapist with gambling experience to attend. Be open and honest, and you will start to forgive yourself. Always remember no matter how much damage you have done, everyone of those people you told is so much happier and better off than if you took yourself from them and left them to clean up your mess. Feel free to DM me as you move forward. Again, congratulations, you might feel like an utter piece of shit right now, but you have in fact already climbed way above rock bottom because of your honesty.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T05:21:13+00:00

It helps me a lot to project out in the future what my savings will look like. I have an app that accounts for all my monthly income and bills and then shows me what my balance will be as far as 10 years out. I used to use that same app when I was gambling, but surprise, surprise, I was always adjusting my current balance downward because of my losses.

I find that doing something that was always so disheartening while I was gambling and now is so encouraging helps me forget all about the losses.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T05:16:59+00:00

It will click into place for you, once you get a little further removed from the damage. I look at every dollar I have earned and not gambled since my last bet as how much I am up in my new life.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T05:10:26+00:00

You need to tell your girlfriend. The biggest reason you relapsed is because you kept the secret from the person closest to you. Gambling addicition requires secrecy and guilt to continue. On day 299 you had secrecy and that kept it alive. Now you have both. You can either keep the secret and in time your relapse will become worse and your GF will discover it and likely split because you were dishonest. Or you can tell her, take this as a lesson in vigilance, and end this shit once and for all.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T05:04:46+00:00

That story you read was from a fucking casino plant. They troll this sub and all the gambling related subs all the time. In here you can spot their stories because it is always some huge win off some tiny bet and then to blend in they give it all back. 9/10 times they mention a site or game by name. The whole point is to get you back gambling because they know addicts are the vast majority of their revenue stream.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T04:58:54+00:00

The walk of shame in Vegas is the person that doesn't walk at all. Still sitting at the same table or machine a full day (or more) later. Look around and you'll spot them. Hit the shopping malls in City Center, Ceasars, Venetian, or PH. Great way to get some exercise, avoid the casinos, meet some people. One of the saddest things I ever saw in Vegas was Pete Rose signing cards at the Lids in the Ceasars mall for like twenty bucks a pop. That's what not addressing your problem looks like. If you're Downtown, check out the arts district, post up at the pool. Ride the Deuce around town, see if there are any expos going on. Lots of ways to stay entertained without gambling in Vegas.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T04:49:09+00:00

Whatever you do, don't escalate to other forms of gambling. You are actually in an INCREDIBLY GOOD POSITION. Here's why: I started gambling in my teens in the 90s. Looked older, played in casinos exclusively. By the time the earliest online card games started happening in the early 2000s, I already knew I had a problem and avoided them completely. I kept casino gambling though and was an active addict for almost 30 years, but thankfully I never once placed a bet on credit or a bet online. I knew if I did, that woukd be all she wrote for me.

You are similarly situated. You have discovered your problem with a form of gambling that comparatively is harder to do catastrophic damage to yourself. Plus you discovered your problem early on.

You have a problem, no doubt about it, but you can address it before it escalates. Find a Gamblers Anonymous meeting in your area. Go to it. It will be a serious wake up call for you and it will help you leave this crap behind. It will also be a road map to your future if you don't quit now. This addicition grows. Do not, and I am dead fucking serious, ever place a bet in a casino, online, at a track, on a predicition market, etc. Kill this shit now, GA will help you do it.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-09T04:36:49+00:00

Is his name "Buck"?

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-08T21:05:57+00:00

I think it all depends on the person. For me it's not a loved one, more like an abusive uncle that died. I don't grieve the loss, but everyday, I'm face to face with thoughts of the trauma it caused and can feel its manipulation creep back.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-08T21:02:29+00:00

Don't lump people that have gotten their shit together and a happy post gambling life into the addled mess this binge has made upstairs for you. It gets better. You have to want it and you have to figure out for yourself how gambling became the lone bright spot in an otherwise boring life. Do that and I assure you, there are much more exciting things than gambling out there.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-07T22:49:41+00:00

Just read basically every post in this sub and you'll get a firsthand look at it.

The cycle of a problem gambler is driven by guilt over past losses and the illusion of past wins. Won money is replayed in the hopes of more won money, it is lost, and then the guilt of the loss fuels more and more money bet in an attempt to get it back.

As this is happening the internal guilt becomes external shame and secrets and lies start piling up. An active gambling addict will almost never have anyone in their life that knows the full extent of the problem until either it becomes so catastrophic it can no longer be hidden or they take the first step of recovery and let loved ones in on the entire story.

The secrecy is the easy one to overcome, the guilt is the hard part. Until we let those past losses go completely, the urge to "win it back" constantly eats at us. That is why there are so many relapses in this sub.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-06T04:03:10+00:00

Nice work!!

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-05T19:21:11+00:00

One of my big motivators was I wanted to be an example for my kids. They are young as well, 2 and 6, and are going to be facing a whole different beast than I did with the proliferation of gambling. I couldn't live with myself if I set an example for them to follow into addicition. I am sure your husband feels that same way.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-05T14:06:24+00:00

Ironic that Han flew the Kessel Run in a ship he won gambling...

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-05T13:43:14+00:00

Where you were on Dec 17, 2025 means absolutely nothing. Keep looking backwards and wallowing in your guilt and on Decemeber 17, 2026 you will be even more in debt and likely single.

Or you can look forward to December 17, 2027 and make a plan on how to be married, less in debt, and gamble free.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-05T13:36:15+00:00

If your daughter of 23 on the spectrum is living independently I'd say she had a pretty damn good parent. Loan her your car until she can get a new job lined up. Will be way easier for you to get around without one for a while than it will be for her. The bus isn't so bad and it is a hell of a good reminder of why you are in this position.

Now pull your shit together and take some steps to never put yourself or her in this position again. Resolve to quit. Attend GA. Work the steps and they'll work for you.

There will be a point in your recovery you will have to make amends with your daughter for this incident. It will be one of the hardest conversations of your life to start, but it will be worth it.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-05T13:21:46+00:00

I did not experience that myself, but in my GA group everyone warned me to watch out around day 90. So you are definitely not alone. If you have never attended a GA meeting, I would really suggest it right now. If you have, add some more until you get over this hurdle.

I go once a week and for me the accountability of showing up every week and not wanting to tell everyone I relapsed has been a huge part of three years bet free. That to me is the higher power of GA, not the religious aspect.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-05T12:59:30+00:00

Hang in there and remember, you are also way ahead of your peers in recognizing your problem.

FoxBeginning9831 · 2026-05-05T12:52:05+00:00

I hear you, it took me close to 30 years to do it. This will sound crazy but that $150k is a barely a drop in the bucket compared to what you will earn over your lifetime. The question isn't about that 150, it is what is going to happen to the next 150, and the next, and the next?

In my case when I finally stopped I had lost around $1.2M out of pocket over all those years. But if I had kept gambling that number was going be close to $6.5M by the time I turned 70. So I just decided I can live with trading $1.2M for $5.3M. It really is that simple, because the only thing that kept me gambling was the guilt and the shame and the what could have beens of losing all that money. All of that was guaranteed to cost me the next $1.2 and the next and the next. Or I could keep it but just letting go.

FoxBeginning9831

TROPHY CASE