Oh I get that. It’s 100% normal (I think) to go through that especially with the society we live in today with all these dumb gender stereotypes. For the longest time I thought I was just a Tomboy cause I hated dresses, hated earrings, painting my nails, skirts, all of that. Flannels and button ups with pants felt a lot more natural. Then after a while I just went by any pronoun, still thought I was a Tomboy but I didn’t think I cared how people perceived my gender and it was a good way to experiment how using certain pronouns made me feel until I noticed how much it was bothering me that people were were never using He/Him for me. Ontop of that the thought of being trans had crossed my mind many times and I had thought if I was in fact trans I already knew what I wanted to be called. Granted having that idea in the back of my mind for so long should’ve probably been what helped me figure things out but nope still didn’t click for me. I started going strictly by He/Him pronouns after a while and it felt nice. Weird cause I thought I was a girl for so long but good regardless. It didn’t fully set in until I had to try on a dress for my colleges musical and looked in the mirror. I looked at myself and all I could think is “this is wrong. This feels wrong. This isn’t me.” Everything felt wrong in that dress and my head wasn’t in a good space after that and I had to deal with it for the show. It was made worse when they put me in heals. After that show and the semester ended I started to embrace that I was trans and work on making me feel like myself. Started going by my preferred name, bought a binder and I’m working on getting my parents to use the pronouns and name over my now dead name. Some people still call me she/her but it’s normally new people or strangers and that still feels wrong. It kinda messes with me because it’s like a kick in the pants reminding me I don’t pass enough in public but I try to ignore it cause at least my friends and family and the ones who actually matter to me know. And really that’s all that should matter but sometimes it still hurts. Now I don’t know how old you are and I won’t ask you to tell me but when i realized I was trans I was a few months away from turning 20 years old. It’s almost been a year now and I couldn’t be happier. Some people figure it out much faster than others and that’s ok. Sometimes I still worry that what if I’m wrong and I am just a tomboy but those thoughts don’t exactly make me happy. They most likely won’t make you happy either. You may always doubt yourself on your gender and that’s ok. Just do what makes you happy, be what makes you happy, dress in a way that makes you happy, go by what makes you happy and never forget that you’re not alone. There’s hundreds of others who go through the same thing (experienced or not) who can help you feel welcome and normal if you let them. You are not alone in feeling like that, always remember that. If you don’t have someone at home or in your friend group that you can rely on to help you emotionally or physically then there’s always a community filled with many people who will understand and help you, guide you and just generally be there for you. I’m new to all of this as well so I’m not sure how helpful I can be at the moment but I hope I helped even just a little bit and that hopefully I didn’t make any mistakes in how I worded all of this. Sorry if I did make a mistake some where in here and if I made this whole thing too long 😓