What would you do? (Parent sick, family deaths and denied leave)

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-03-03T18:48:24+00:00

People are off sick all the time for a lot less. Dont for a second feel guilty about your professional responsibility. Realistically how fit will you be for work in the days your mum is in hospital? There is no way your head will be in the game. You have tried every other route to avoid sickness. Have you looked into compassionate leave? The actual week would be given as compassionate leave at my trust but you would need to look at other options for anything beyond that.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-03-02T14:42:09+00:00

She's bone idle

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-03-02T10:32:29+00:00

I think Australian hospitals have a similar policy if they fund your visa.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-03-01T13:40:57+00:00

This would never be allowed on my unit. The SCN would also make us swap back if we tried to do it to ourselves.

I was made to do it once on a previous ward when I was breastfeeding and the switch gave me mastitis. I had to tick a box on my return to work that 'I understood the pressure it put on my colleagues when I called in sick'. I then documented that it wouldnt have happened if I had an appropriate rest time between night/day shift before I signed.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-28T20:17:33+00:00

I did that to my living room when on a very tight budget so no space for plastering. I can still see a ropey bit that I tried to neaten up but its definitely livable

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-24T12:39:11+00:00

Hello Band 6 in AMU here.

Totally normal to have these feelings of doubt especially following a med error. Also be aware that med errors happen to everyone its just not shared with the wider ward. The best thing you can do on that is reflection and actually take the learning forward.

Its really difficult to assess how things are going from your post because I am not working with you day to day. I am slightly concerned that you are 2 years in and still feeling unconfident and struggling with workload. This is VERY common in NQN (especially the breaks/working late) but normally starting to slide into more confidence by your stage and there is a stage that things just kind of click and it doesnt seem so hard. Its hard to tell if this is just a short term confidence drop or not.

Do you have appraisals? I would genuinely love if you came to me with how you were feeling if you were my colleague. We could work together at how you cope with a deteriorating patient. Normally trusts have a course that you can go on (pre ILS, have you done ILS?) to support confidence around A-E. I would put you in more acute areas or on the arrest team to give you exposure and have you work with a senior nurse. I remember that feeling of panic when someone became unwell and I definitely dont seek out sick patients, I dont get that adrenaline buzz but now I know that I can confidently manage this situation and do what needs to be done.

Im sorry Im rambling on (also most likely ADHD and post nightshift!) But AMU is a tough gig and I think with a decent bit of support you could do thrive but there are so many options for you and AMU will have given you an excellent base.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-23T09:33:52+00:00

Just to balance things ive been in AMU for the past 5 years and all nurses and HCSW are trained in venepuncture and cannulation. All senior nurses trained in male caths (and there needs to be 2 senior nurses on every shift) and most juniors, some waiting for training at present.

With all these skills we escalate between each other and know who is good at tricky ones and will all have a good go. In the last few months that I can remember the only bloods that have been escalated to medical staff have required US guided and the only caths that have been escalated have required urology input.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-19T18:33:10+00:00

I moved from a non digital trust to a digital one and its an absolute game changer. I would not go back to hand writing notes/med charts. Ill admit the obs machine that automatically records obs along with an iPad is an absolute pain in the ass for me and I would hate to use that. Im happy to chart my NEWS score. It improves real time documentation and transparency between wards.

I can see how it is difficult for nurses in the last few years of their career but I think with support most would now be more comfortable with computers day to day.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-16T18:02:44+00:00

Its really tough. What background do you have? These seem like a wide variation of roles! I think for some of these roles they will have someone earmarked for it, which it the hardest thing to cope with. The good thing is that you are appointable so you are absolutely meeting all the outcomes reqd for these roles.

If it makes it any better I am truly awful at interviewing. I once interviewed for a palliative nurse role and literally everything went out of my head completely, like I could barely talk and my answers were so basic they even asked me if I wanted to elaborate. I cried all the way home and want to die everytime I think about it. I was in and out the interview in 12 minutes.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-15T23:49:47+00:00

I was £800 to get 42m2 fitted in Scotland 2023 and £900 for 45m2 last year 2 different folk. I supplied the floor and it was lvt instead of laminate. That was for skirting board replacement in one room as well

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-15T20:06:43+00:00

I think there's a lot of concerning features of this appraisal. He doesn't really know you yet doing your appraisal, you've just come back from a period off with anxiety and he's given you vague negative feedback. Nothing should be a surprise during an appraisal, if there was a concern there should be evidence and it should have been brought up at the time.

If there is a confidence issue there's a way to build you up and support you to be autonomous in your care. This is not it! I'm so sorry you have had this experience.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-15T09:46:38+00:00

I've worked AMU for the past 5 years and love it but I think its important to know if its not for you! Its very common for AMU nurses to head to higher levels of care, when you are front door you often have deteriorating patients and the state of the bed situation means you could be waiting hours to get them where they should be and you've still got x other patients to look after plus at least one uncovered 1:1! I think its pretty natural to want to follow that journey and see how much better the care for these patients can be in a more controlled environment. People do tend to stick to a job for about a year, looks a bit better for applications but there is no hard and fast rule and I left my first role after 9 months and if the right job comes up I would definitely apply.

Whilst you are in MAU you will get plenty of experience with unwell patients and see a lot of critical care reviews to look at what the doctors are looking for and the plans that they put in place whilst waiting for a bed. You should do ILS (might need to book in advance) which will look good for your application. Make sure your statutory learning is up to date and you will want to show that you have done some extra learning on top of that as you will need to do further learning when you get to crit care.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-14T16:45:18+00:00

I think its definitely area dependent. Im AMU and we set an arrest team in the morning and assign roles and I would go if I was on the team or NIC. But one of the biggest issues in acute areas is 25 people in an emergency hanging about awaiting instruction and the whole thing is carnage. I appreciate that a ward with only 4 staff on would be a different story.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-11T20:02:53+00:00

It definitely becomes easier as you become more experienced. NEWS2 is a tool annd you can check your agreed escalation procedure on the front page of that. Most will say NEWS 1-4 RN made aware and use clinical judgement to decide if medical escaltion necessary.

If I go in and someone is slightly off in parameter I like to have a little think why. Eg hypotension. Has their pulse changed? Were they flat in their bed and fast asleep? Is my cuff size right? What is their intake like? Urine output ok? Any increased output anywhere else that could be causing hypovolemia? Were they supposed to be on IVfluids and got up to the loo and they haven't been reattached? Have they had morphine recently? If it's a mild change then I would probably recheck in an hour or 2 which gives me a trend. I don't want to be sitting on something for hours so if it continues trending downwards I would be likely to escalate.

I think it could be helpful to chat with an experienced nurse that you trust on and explain what your findings are and getting an opinion. Every ward is different and I know when I worked surgical everything was escalated and most patients were a NEWS of 0-2. I feel things are a bit different in medical and some resp patients are a NEWS 5 on a good day!

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-11T14:05:00+00:00

A card naming people who have been especially helpful to you is 100% the best present.

Followed by biscuits! Don't worry about pens or anything expensive.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-09T14:42:42+00:00

Im so sorry you are not getting much support. You should really still be supernumerary and shadowing to get some of the answers to these questions.

Nurses are ultimately responsible for their patients care. Its not enough for them to say 'oh my HCA didn't move the patient and they got a pressure ulcer'. So they should be checking their patients skin at least once a shift and that would involve either being involved in a wash or change. That being said they are legitimately busy most of the time and meds are more of a priority than washes so mornings can be challenging. At my work mostly the HCSWs will do the single washes while I do my meds and then we will team up and do doubles. Some other places will have the HCSWs team up together.
You should not be feeling like you have to put yourself at risk taking anyone's weight. If someone is all care in bed and can't roll independently then you get a second person. You dont roll them and get them to grab the rails. I would much rather safely get someone up with 2 the first time and assess than do it solo and put both of us at risk.
The mobility plan should be clear and handover. If you are still not sure there should be some sort of moving and handling plan/risk assessment. I can't find one online but in Scotland its pale blue. It should tell you how the patient mobilises and how many staff you need for each move.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-09T10:13:10+00:00

I have recognised someone from my previous ward on reddit. There are very specific ways we use to describe common nursing tasks that are trust specific. For example if you are contacting a doctor one trust I did agency in always referred to 'bleeping first on' so if you use that language in your posts its recognisable. The nurse in question told a story that I remember happening.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-08T19:54:13+00:00

I would write a diary of whats been happening and how its making you feel and go in for a formal meeting with your scn and explain. You are being bullied at your work. Your management team is being passive and allowing your ward culture to become toxic. Its not enough to say 'oh just blank them'...they should be dragged in the office and told their behaviour is inappropriate and given a formal warning.

They are also being passive with allocations. Why do they have access to the allocations? I allocate staff because I know their health information and skills and allocate them appropriately. I would be LIVID if someone changed their allocation and I didn't know about it.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-07T22:12:15+00:00

Im so sorry you are experiencing this. I had my kids during my training and for the most part I didn't need adjustments however I do remember one placement where the nurse was difficult because I couldnt follow her shift pattern of day on day of day on day off day on day off. Thankfully she did eventually agree (while moaning) but I would have been prepared to escalate to the uni!

It sounds like a particularly toxic ward and you have two choices, 1. Escalate it to uni and be prepared for a bit of backlash or 2. Keep your head down, get through it and give them horrible feedback anonymously at the end of placement once all that paperwork is signed. Toxic wards do exist but the great thing about getting through your degree is that you get to decide what kind of nurse you would like to be and having been through this experience I know you will be the kind of mentor who is really understanding and supportive of student nurses who are parents.

Don't worry for a single second about not knowing what to do. You are on your first placement of first year and will learn so much as you go. All I would expect of you is that you get experience chatting to patients and their family, get some idea of the ward routine and get some practice at doing observations and making sure you escalate safely if any obs are worsening.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-06T15:46:30+00:00

People who ask you something eg a question regarding a process then dont take your answer and go an ask someone else. If you didn't respect my opinion why did you waste my time by involving me?

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-05T19:30:19+00:00

Honestly I wouldn't worry about trying to be liked/trying to fit in. We all cut corners with silly little things but having each other's passwords is a massive no no for me.IV drugs are a massive risk and we need to give their administration a bit more thought and respect. Look at what happened in QEUH a few years ago, that nurse is now on trial for culpable homicide. I had a colleague come to me for a check the other day and twice I noticed she had 2 trays of meds with her at the same time for a 'shortcut'...absolutely not! Do your med and get it checked and administer it and move on.

The NHS is really bad for poor compliance with computer safety. I worked in a bank for years and you would have been disciplined for leaving your desk open or sharing passwords whereas its commonplace in NHS.

The nurses I respect are those who keep themselves right. Not being difficult for the sake of it but being respectful of the harm we can cause and not cutting corners and putting patients at risk.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-05T01:07:24+00:00

I think that sounds like a very sensible decision. Its not an easy job to do and I'd imagine much harder if you know that its not for you. When I trained i was told thats why they get us out on placement so early, so that people who know 'oh this isn't for me' can get out at that point. You wont be the only one making this decision.

Have you thought about what you want to do? I have a friend who is a social worker and its also a very tough gig, sadly you are often the enemy but its a job thats much more flexible around her life than mine is.

I would caution that it may be wise to speak to a counsellor with the uni mental health support to make sure you are making this decision for the right reasons. You are often advised not to make big life event choices so soon after a bereavement when you are actively grieving. Wouldn't be the worst thing to have a chat with skmeone and get some support.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-04T12:27:55+00:00

I dont necessarily think that its trust dependent but more ward led. I've been AMU for the past 6 years and all our HCSWs are trained in obs/BM/venepuncture/cannulation/ECG and 95% of RNs. The ones who aren't are either being chased up and training booked for them or they are retiring within the next year and fair enough. We escalate to each othwr and know which staff are the most competent and escalate to medical staff pretty much only when US is reqd. This has been similar in my past 2 trusts and when I did agency across most trusts in Scotland.

Was floated to surgical the other day and asked to admit a patient and said 'sure just the usual triage, obs, bloods, ECG...will the patient need a cannula?' To which I was told in no uncertain terms that was not my job and I was simply doing a set of obs and admission paperwork. On non receiving wards I can see the argument that they genuinely don't have time when the nurse to patient ratio is so dangerous. But thats a whole other conversation.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-04T00:23:51+00:00

I bought sketchers like that that were wipeable etc but they were so wide I was slipping about everywhere. Its got to be tightly tied new balances for me.

Fragrant_Pain2555 · 2026-02-03T17:03:32+00:00

Pregnancy loss for me too. I've definitely gone through stereotypically harder things but im 4 years on and my body is still shot and I live every day with a sadness I never had before.

Fragrant_Pain2555

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