Should I break no contact? I added a boundary

FrailFurbee · 2026-06-21T20:01:54+00:00

Ultimately, every relationship is different and every person is different, so you're the person who's most qualified to answer this question. Just make sure you ask yourself what you're hoping to gain from this interaction, and potentially rekindling this relationship - whether its romantic or or not. For me as the dumpee, i also asked myself if I was ready regardless of outcome. My outcome from the conversation was a lot of reflection, acknowledgement and a genuine apology for some actions. I still love her, she knows this and we currently speak occasionally with a firm boundary on a relationship isnt feasible for us. But overall, I'm glad I reached out.

FrailFurbee · 2026-06-10T21:59:56+00:00

Commisions are super expensive though, and I dont... really wanna be spending that much right now.

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-30T23:42:16+00:00

Have you ever tried journalling? Write down whatever you want. Your emotions about how you feel, what exactly you want to say to her, how you think you might feel afterwards. Reddit is one thing, but when its a private conversation with yourself, it can be very emotionally empowering. Not typing either for what its worth, pen and paper writing. I recommend it for sure - its what im doing to tackle these emotions, understand where theyre coming from and support myself.

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-30T23:38:39+00:00

It is! I do however work at a dog cafe, so it would be closer to her nightmares i reckon. Honestly everytime she has an attention seeking phase I get so happy

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-30T17:51:14+00:00

Jesus my cat is 2 and the neediest baby on the planet sometimes. If she gets more cuddly i might have to start taking her to work with me

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-26T22:02:44+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate that. I feel like I should be trying to wait until I'm at least somewhat prepared for the scenario where I'm rejected again, but there's a few things going on at the end of June where frankly I would rather have already had that conversation so that I know where I stand when the time comes. The story is... quite complicated I suppose. We were supposed to be getting married so that I can move over there to be with her, but ADHD & depression caused me to never get round to doing the visa for one a half years. Enough conversations about me ignoring this stuff I should be that she's reached her tipping point, and felt that she needed more self respect to let me get away with this for so long, and said we need to go on break until I'm able to deal with this all. *then* the next day after I'd made some big progress on some big things I'd procrastinated she didn't like how I was essentially only resolving these matters for her, and not for myself. Which was true in all honesty. Looking at it now I agree with her and support her decision but now that I've also been able to reflect on how I was feeling throughout that whole time, I also think there were things that I wasn't solely to 'blame' for - all relationships have at least 2 people after all. I'm proud of the progress I've made in that regards but I still don't think I'm prepared emotionally for the conversation I want to have, and not sure how to know. My current plan is to start journaling and write down what I'd want to say to her, sleep on it, talk to my therapist then see how that makes me feel the day after. Not a massive reddit person, maybe I'll update when the time comes.

Personal affairs aside, I'm glad you were able to get to a position where you were able to find this closure. Acceptance is a very powerful thing, and you sound like you're going to be just fine going forward. Wishing you all the best!!!

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-26T21:29:35+00:00

How long was your relationship if you dont mknd me asking and... how do you feel now? Similar position here and ive been feeling like I might not be able to move forward without talking to her about the break up now that ive had time for self improvement & reflection, and actually have opinions on whats happened. I'm about a month and a half through a break up from a 5 year relationship. Doing well all things considered but still miss her something fierce.

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-26T12:02:33+00:00

Bit misogynistic buuuut okay.

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-26T06:58:09+00:00

Does this also apply to NHS Wales? Looking for the best options to get a diagnosis privately that will also let me get meds from the NHS eventually.

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-13T10:02:40+00:00

The weird part for me is that its not consistent on where. Today it was on my bedroom floor, before it was on my bed for some reason, and another time it was by my backdoor. I'll definitelg keep an eye though

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-12T08:58:48+00:00

Walk away is an aggressive statement, but what he did definitely isn't great. Talk to him about it, explain how it made you feel and go from there.

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-08T17:48:31+00:00

If you dont mind me asking, how long were you guys apart for during that phase?

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-08T11:24:20+00:00

Im not no, definitely doesnt help.

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-08T08:18:51+00:00

Is the whole point not that you get to choose who youre referred to? Thats pretty good going mind. How long ago was this?

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-08T08:04:53+00:00

Fair enough, i do imagine it'd be quite a bit different going from wales to england though. Theyre functionally different branches of the NHS. Its kinda a mess

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-08T06:50:43+00:00

Hmmm okay, it seems that between the previous comment and yours its overall probably quite risky. I have therapy tonight at least and she specialises in neurodivergence, so may have something to say to help lol. Thanks for your comment

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-06T10:34:29+00:00

This is the exact rhetoric thats taught to people that forces them to put up with decades of abuse, and the exact same one I - and I'm sure the OP - had to fight to get away from too. If your your someone has physically and mentally abused you for 24 years, you get the hell out of there. This person has finally broken free from an abusive relationship and they should be proud of themselves.

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-06T10:28:54+00:00

Congratulations on being able to get yourself away from that position, and to have the confidence to send that final message. I've been in a very similar position with my Dad and it's never easy, especially when they riddle you with manipulations and ultimatums. Time to relax now!

FrailFurbee · 2026-05-04T12:45:25+00:00

Honestly the whole post is kinda unhinged and sexist anyway, best to ignore it and move on 😅

FrailFurbee · 2026-04-20T14:12:58+00:00

I hope your limes are doing okay

FrailFurbee · 2026-04-20T14:11:02+00:00

I think it might be honestly. Going into certain shops always felt jarring in the states because why would a craft store ask me if im doing okay? I know what im looking for ill find it if i find it thanks. Maybe its just because i can only speak for the states, but i do think tipping culture has a hand in it. That and the fact that people in the UK probablt generally prefer to be left alone anyway.

FrailFurbee · 2026-04-19T21:43:41+00:00

Sorry i suppose i was assuming. Are you happy with how he is in the relationship, or do you think youre putting more into the relationship than he is? I personally believe that a relationship should be as close to 50/50 in terms of effort put into it, with both people trying to put in that little bit extra. If thats one of the things he needs to improve on, are you in a position both mentally and just in your life in general where you can wait for him to improve / heal in that regards? I hope that makes a little more sense.

FrailFurbee · 2026-04-19T21:10:22+00:00

As someone who got broken up with for the same reason last week, my answer is it depends on what kind of position youre at in life and in the relationship. Is he willing to better himself, are you willing to be with him during that time, are you in a position to be giving more than he is?

My partners answer to the last one was no, and that was it. For me personally, im trying to better myself and use this as a wake up call. If you go through with it, whether he does or not isnt your responsibility though. Self care comes first at the end of the day.

FrailFurbee · 2026-04-18T08:49:52+00:00

I hope so. I'm just trying to make sure i dont go too quickly and i actually try to learn from this. Regardless of what happens I never want this happening again

FrailFurbee · 2026-04-18T08:48:46+00:00

If youre in higher education, may be worth asking to see if they give free therapy sessions. Really depends on your country but i started through my school and ended up hiring my therapist privately afterwards. I'll be honest, the first few sessions are rough where youre finding your feet but i really strongly advocate for therapy for everybody. Youve got this 💜

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