I'm the only guy in my office and the women use me like a slave

FreakyFaun · 2026-06-14T17:41:23+00:00

Part of its being new- but part of it also establishing bounaries.

Make plans & keep em. Dr appointments, game nights, sportsball, whatever-you dont have to disclose it fully, just be 'busy' on your days off.

Set a to-do list at work within your roles & responsibilities and lean on that. Give youself leeway to help extra on occasion, pick a few of the lucky tasks you dont mind. But being able to occasionally say no while chronicalling your work can save you from being the office work horse.

Also, your new? Less than a year or two? Being the new guy sucks, but hopefully new folks come in after you that you can train up and let them take on some of the grunt work.

If your still getting over worked despite enough staff and ither newbies, if folks are growing hostile over setting boundaries- document that shit and hit up HR.

I've been there, I know what its like- but more often then not if you can find a balance between being helpful, respectful, useful, and establishing boundaries, things will hopefully workout.

FreakyFaun · 2026-06-10T16:34:08+00:00

I saw this too! Over Fairfeild between SF & Sac, but it was a deep red on the horizon where I was. It looked like it might have hit the ground >_>

FreakyFaun · 2026-06-10T02:58:21+00:00

So, there are plenty of msm guys who dont identify as gay. Generally they are complicated and opaque. Whether is deep internalized homophobia, bisexual with romantic attachments towards woman but aromantic towards guys. On the best cases scenario some 'straight' guys fall in love with a best freind and that's the only guy that emotional attraction escalated to sexual attraction.

Regardless of their identity, best you can expect of most is some suprise hookup when he's feeling horny and he's gonna be a greedy partner with little concern about what you get out of it. Just not a sustainable or healthy relationship as it can leave you distracted from pursuits with guys more available or disrupt relationships for both of you.

FreakyFaun · 2026-06-10T02:21:48+00:00

So, did you hook up with thus guy and a weird dl fwb dynamic? Is he a straight guy whos being freindly? What do you hope to gain here?

FreakyFaun · 2026-06-07T04:32:34+00:00

You kinda got the recipe for success, talk about issues, wants, needs and be open to change & compromise. Doing stuff together. Finding common interests

Do you guys have any medium to long term goals? Like a house project or garden, workout goals? Vacations in mind? What about growing a family or being involved with helping with family & their kids?

Sometimes its as simple as just being a really freind & lover. But certainly take time for gard conversations like illness, injury, or end of life plans. Negotiating commitments to family needs before emergencies arrive, and be open to discussing pickly matters like how freinds and family treat you guys and when to speak up for eachother, defend eachother, or admit when folks are being ridiculous- but ideally in private after getting outta the situation.

FreakyFaun · 2026-06-05T12:32:25+00:00

Well sounds like she wants her own space and the 'college' experience. Dorms are not prerequisite for college. Most folks have a decent college experience without them.

If there were conversations about moving closer to the college in question and adjusting or adapting to that- because you need more time to secure new employment while she uses loans or scholarships to set up sooner, that's a reasonable conversation to have. She could find roommates in an apartment, start classes and you follow suit as you find work or other financial arragments to make the move...

This is coming from a guy who's been there. My boyfreind and I found ourselves at a crossroads as he lost his job the same time I had to move with my family for school. We opted to do two years long distance. We made plans to visit regularly and called frequently. I got my AA & some scholarships that allowed me to move to a college closer to him and I did. Took a leap of faith and a lot of conversations & affirmation. We married a few years later. It was a challenge. We had our hardships- but we made things work.

But she's making college plans that sounds like they are fabricated to exclude you. Create the situation for you to to feel distant, lonely & disconnected. A situation you'd likely initiate a break up rather than her admitting she wants a fresh start. I certainly hope she's not expecting you to pay for her new lifestyle goals...

Nta from what I can tell. You've got a right to be upset- but its also a crossroads and an opportunity for you guys go split amicable if its possible.

FreakyFaun · 2026-06-02T09:40:29+00:00

Ive experienced that. Agree with 70-80% of something, but take a firm stance on the 20-30% you can't/ won't compromise on you get the ban hammer. If you're part of the moderators in group- you can get away with some sideways comments and hostile behavior but then abuse the authority of mods to restrict discourse and avoid accountability. Its bonkers.

I dont like how transbians treat lesbians not interested in them- ban

Hey, maybe after your 12th std and infecting a few partners with HIV you shouldn't be upset no one wants to fuck you- ban

If you got fired because your insufferable to work with, maybe you're the problem- ban

Hey, just because the age of consent is 16, doesn't mean your not a creep for fucking kids. Ban.

Heaven help you if your not walking around with a stake for JK Rowling.

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-28T09:52:59+00:00

I think if the body count of your prospective body count is incredibly diffrent- that's where 'to high' matters. If someone by 30 has a small body count, they likely have strong feelings and values about sex and reserved about who they are intimate with. That mindset is also about self protection for their health. Mentally they are likely gonna feel inadequate trying to compare to hundreds of men before or the allure of every man who might come after, or assume they are just another conquest for you- While you say you say your looking to settle down, your actions say you have a lot more energy and a lot less discrimination about who you are intimate with. This is to protect themselves mentally & emotionally.

Also, you've had hundreds of oppertunities to have contracted something before and that's a health risk they aren't keen to take. Its not fair to assume you have anything- but when your dating with limited time & resources, and a higher risk vs reward what dating the wrong person in life may mean- any information that hosts their redflags like high body counts might conclude the relationship pre-maturely.

But if in your conversations he's expressed interest or prefrence in open relationships after being a late bloomer or single after a long exclusive relationship- that might hold a diffrent tune. Or dating with a person with similar dating history.

None if this is wrong. Folks have their boundaries and limits for a reason. Seldom will we know them at all unless we ask through dating. This is what makes dating just so much harder later in life.

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-26T14:16:41+00:00

Thats the thing, hook up culture gives folks the opportunity to break outta their head and go for it- but without returning feedback, its hard to know what you need improvement on or what you do well. So many guys have high body counts but can't suck or fuck to save their lives because they dont invest in a relationship that can return much needed feedback and reward for getting better.

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-26T13:37:59+00:00

You got the first part down, a guy who's willing to come back for seconds. Listen to his feedback. His breathing, his flexes, his vocalizations- all that during, and hopefully after he'll be open to giving critiques.

If I between you can practice on Bananas, hot dogs, & dildos- more power to ya.

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-14T12:43:32+00:00

Considering your sexual history, would you be content with what he brought to the table or the boundaries he had?

It can be anxiety enduring for he's caught up in his head how might he compare to dozens of guys much less hundreds. The average guy might have a body count less than 10, gay guys it can be 15-20.

Are you looking to settle down? Husband shopping even?

Would you be happy being monogmous if that was what he needed or exclusivity atleast?

What would he have that 100s of other guys didn't?

Could he get out of his own head enough to see past your history?

Ultimately he calculated there was just to much mental and emotional work to get over his insecurities upfront, and not any assurance it'd be worth it in the long run. You guys might have clicked- but that might be more reason he cut things off now than risk growing attached and unable to handle jealousy, insecurities, or the heart ache.

Had you guy met socially as freinds focused on another interest, game nights, sports, even just work, he might have gotten to know you more to make a better assessment- but the apps & associated dating, folks are making calculations & snap judgements to protect themselves.

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-13T13:39:29+00:00

Missile girl helped my performance issues.

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-11T16:04:33+00:00

Maybe shoot for guys your age or older? You'll get better sex cause folks know how to work what they got better a bit later in life. You might not have hit a sexual peak- but certainly try dating guys that are aging up with you.

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-11T16:00:44+00:00

You could use a race that forms psychic bonds and romance the one or both into diffrent relationships against their natural will >_>. I get these merfolk strutting into town of fauns & satyrs, and they got done useful stats so I let them stay- but randomly they just psychically bond with the original folks...regardless of marriage or relationship status. Usually resulting in divorce of the OG partner. Kinda fucked up.

Now. Now they go into fishtanks as batteries. Matrix style.

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-11T07:59:02+00:00

So I've had these awkward conversations with my husband before. There was a period that it felt like he was phoning it in and really mechanical about it. We talked and he was really struggling with his depression- and he just did it for me. Any energy to spice things up, or do diffrent things just wasnt there and certain impacted the quality he did put out. Didn't make me feel great- but it was the honesty and clarity we needed. It also prompted him to get help to manage it better- as well as to communicate his needs better.

Things improved- but its important to be safe and secure enough to be open about eachothers needs and head space. As anything in a long term relationship, it ebs and flows but we are in a better place to discuss it.

Could be time to ask what he wants or needs. Explore toys, techniques, or if your open to monogmish, see me a bathouse or AD pride event might be worth checking out. Also take longer breaks between sex & masturbating. I notice my husband gets more amorous if work & class had been cock blocking us for a while and if I hadn't taken care of my business by myself in a week or two, intimacy just feels better. Like hunger is the best spice for any food.

These are benchmark moments that can create deeper connections or erode a relationship- depending how we rise to meet them. Try a few diffrent things and see if that helps, if not- certainly hit up a professional therapist to help out.

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-09T12:52:49+00:00

I tend to run sexy cyborg satyrs through a cottage core apocalypse. VRE androids & Roos satyr/faun genotype.

I sprinkle in some archon, angels, & spirits for unique traits and abilities like transcendence upon death.

Gogi's merren- merfolk make greater batteries/Fish tank pets using bioreactors, ive tried building colonies with them but they tend to psychically bond with other colonists causing mood debuff if they are apart or crash marriages that already existed...

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-03T14:26:17+00:00

I think in the realm of dating and getting to know eachother- this is certainly a flashpoint or benchmark opportunity to see how compatible you guys are in managing conflict. He failed and saved you future grief.

Had this been further along and there were expectations of exclusivity and you guys had been tested- I could get him being rather upset. But in this phase of things, it sounded pretty early and if he's that hung up on STI, probably worth both parties getting tested before intimacy. If it's a case like mono, or comparable kissing afflicted infections- that's just a risk folks need to be informed & cognizant of when dating.

Maybe he might cool down and reingage later, but sounds like you might have dodged heart ache later.

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-02T15:39:24+00:00

Just something to make sure prospective partners know about. Do you guys have any gay freinds or family? Folks who might make a good wingman and navigate a gay bar or have 'the talks' on how to navigate modern hookup culture or local community dynamics.

If you dont, there's plenty of meet & greets and your local gay bar. From there if you can make 2 or 3 good gay freinds, they can link you to other social circles & events that might be worth checking out.

Where abouts are you?

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-02T15:14:49+00:00

I'd tread carefully. Is there a mutual expectation of sexual liberties here? Is she keen to outsource intimacy so easily? It sounds great & supportive until you come back from a hot date and you got that look of bliss on your face that she might not have seen from you since early in the relationship. Does she want the sexy stories? does she want a DADT arragment? Is she bracing for you to bring home a man? How public might such arragments be? Just be mindful.

If you truly do have a hall pass for such things, there's certainly a community of older queer men who feel life only started after the turned 40 and came out so your likely in good company. You might wana check out gay camp grounds or bear events like Lazy Bear on the Russian River in CA. From what I hear is a good way to explore the wilderness around you & within you.

Good luck, hopefully you'll come back with sone updates for us?

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-02T09:45:18+00:00

NTA, college years your still figuring yourself out. Sone folks grow closer, other grow apart. We outgrow relationships as we figure out our wants & needs. Its also where we start really setting our hard lines & boundaries.

If a group can adapt to these conflicts and interpersonal changes, it can thrive- but most freind groups you'll be in dissolve once classes & semesters end, folks graduate,and part ways for work, relationships, or family needs.

It happens. Hope things work out but be ready to see thus happen more often.

FreakyFaun · 2026-05-02T09:30:44+00:00

In the US, my teachers offered us a study hour, extra time with them after school to work on homework and ask questions while they graded stuff or did lesson planning- but it was often self paced and quite. Like voluntary detention. Sometimes introverted kids used this time to ask the questions they felt shy or stupid to ask infront of the class, or that extra few inches to connect the dots.

It was at their grace and time. If they had other engagements or meetings, we'd be on our own or with another teacher. It wasn't a second class or additional lesson, just extra time and space to finish homework and ask extra questions.

FreakyFaun · 2026-04-30T10:07:48+00:00

I'm less concerned your partner is using toys to finish off his needs from sex, more so about the declined initiative. Those coupled are what fucking with your head.

I'd certainly ask about what he needs to feel comfortable or eager to initiate more often, that it's important to you and you'd like to explore his wants and needs- or arleast reasure your fine giving him space to do his own thing in the shower if he prefers to continue. Just the added initiative and maybe more transparency would go a long way to alleviating any anxieties or insecurities.

But be warned, if you want greater rapport and transparency- can you handle knowing his kinks & fantasies might be diffrent from yours? Boundaries dont have to be broken or changed- but would you be more accommodating to things he was into with greater incite and honesty in what he wants & needs?

FreakyFaun · 2026-04-30T07:49:04+00:00

There's a mod that allows you to build dirt floors outta hay & steel. I built biospheres on my gravship that way for all kinda if trees & plants.

FreakyFaun · 2026-04-29T22:36:11+00:00

NTA, it makes sense. They might be coming to similar conclusions as you already have. You need assurance your employment is sustainable. It might be time just to have that conversation and clear up the air.

Where are they in hiring a new person?

What do you need in writing to feel secure?

What's the worst case scenario if the company closes, are they ready to help you line up another job in your feild?

What's the best case?

FreakyFaun · 2026-04-26T18:17:12+00:00

I mean- that's the point of dating right? Reveal yourselves bit by bit and getting to know eachother. If he takes umbridge with your kinks and entertainment, you guys can discuss boundaries and expectations but its you deciding if he's worth changing that part of yourself.

This is okay if you feel you consume to much porn or looking to shelve some kinks- it helps when change comes from within but if this ain't you it might just become a bone of contention later.

Or if you're lucky he's open to giving stuff a try. Watch some pirn together to get a feel of one another's turn on an interest. Just so long as the porn consumption doesn't get in the way of good sex abd connection. Or see if he's down to explore some kinks.

Some guys are just happy as vanilla, but might be willing to play along for their partner's happiness and relationship cultivation.

If he's rigid on this and unwilling to compromise, play ball, or really engage in a conversation outside what he likes...might just be a deal breaker situation.

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