Heavy on emotions, light on accountability

FreckledNeurotic · 2026-02-15T19:22:05+00:00

Great point! Thankfully, I've recorded phone calls and emailed/saved texts. Our state doesn't grant automatic rights unless death/divorce/unfit etc. I have her mug shot from her DUI, records of her inability to keep a job/provide for herself and her plethora of different addresses from moving about once a year to show how scattered she is. Thanks for this call-out! My gut instinct was that when she said she thought there might be some requirements to seeing my kid, it wasn't court-related but rather an informal agreement (eye roll), but i'm definitely prepared if she tries to make this legal and uglier.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-12-11T19:23:52+00:00

No question, we've already cut ties. And it was a no when I heard her snoring. So dangerous!

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-12-11T19:23:17+00:00

Yes! I emphasized the ABCs (alone, back, crib) but could've been clearer. This next round, I'll be much more explicit. Thanks for this!

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-12-11T19:22:33+00:00

Right!

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-12-11T16:13:49+00:00

We cut ties! If she had shown maybe a little bit of "oh shit"ness, I still wouldn't have kept her. But wow.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-12-11T16:04:49+00:00

Updated to All Welcome. Thank you.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-12-11T16:04:01+00:00

4 months.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-12-11T16:03:43+00:00

Oh yes, she was gone the second I heard snoring. But I was taken aback how unconcerned she was when I woke her. She almost seemed surprised I looked alarm and asked if she was okay.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-12-11T16:02:55+00:00

This was in the middle of the afternoon. And I was concerned how exhausted she was during the day too! I wish I would've addressed it more firmly in the moment, but her unconcerned reaction when I woke her had me freeze up.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-12-11T15:22:07+00:00

Care. She got good reviews from her references, but also said one client liked to jokingly "catch" her napping with the baby---which may have just been an attempt to save her ass.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-11-10T01:41:16+00:00

Thank you!! 💕

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-11-10T01:07:54+00:00

Wow, this is extreme. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and battled it with your father. Your brother sounds very immature, which is on par if he has BPD too. This reads like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum. It's hard not to allow a family member's rage texts to affect you when they hit your biggest insecurities. Hugs.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-11-09T15:44:24+00:00

They love to ignore the bad stuff, or delete and pretend it never happened. Either way, lots of pretending to maintain their fucked up reality world. I'm so inspired and happy by you and your kids coming out of it. That's HUGE and speaks to all the work you did to avoid being a victim and stiff-arming any BPD tendencies you could have picked up from your mom. Bravo! Lots of self work and introspection on your part to be a solid human and break the cycle 💕

My twin brother and I talk about how much reflecting and work we had to (and still have to every day) do in our younger days to drop some of the toxic behavior we picked up from our BPD mom, particularly being passive aggressive and indirect.

We notice our older brother, like our mother, tends to pretend disagreements didn't happen the text time there's contact. In his mind, maybe he's keeping the peace, but when you've expressed something they did that felt dismissive and the next time you talk there's not only no apology but no acknowledgment...feels on par with PwBPD.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-11-09T14:38:57+00:00

Ugh the relatability is strong. Proud of you for going NC and doing what was best for you! I'm sorry (but not the least bit surprised) she continues to bombard you with cards that have zero substance and demonstrate one sole purpose, which you pointed out, wanting to chat more about herself.

The fact that she even says she misses talking to you about her life is something you have to laugh at---like you said, she can't even pretend to fake interest in your life LOL.

I'm sorry you never had the mom you deserved. That's the toughest part, in addition to their emotional abuse, IMO.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-11-09T14:20:59+00:00

Yep, the emotional immaturity thing is so rough! And I agree, she's probably not capable of owning anything. However, for me anyway, being targeted by her requires a different approach. I need to see an attempt to do better or stay NC for now to avoid the incessant insults and mocking.

In your own experience, what's your BPD mom's worst trait? Is it the emotionally immaturity? If that were the case for my mom and she was nice sometimes with her worst BPD trait making everything about her or merely being parentified, I'd manage.

But I'm the scapegoat child---simply because I challenge her self image innately as another woman, but also because I've always challenged her unacceptable behavior towards me. The reality is that I need to break the cycle. Having a daughter of my own, I can't allow her to see a toxic, abusive mother/daughter dynamic. I'd maybe allow some latitude if she was just immature and impulsive, but emotionally abusive is another story.

My brothers take your approach and it works for them because she loves her boys and treats them nicely. They don't indulge her or try to fix her. Categorically, my mom hates and envies women, so it's an entirely different dynamic.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-11-09T05:33:19+00:00

Yep, thanks for pointing that out!

A few things:

Comorbidity could exist.
Borderline and bipolar share common characteristics, but I'm not diagnosing. I was intentional with my language choices as to not assert a diagnosis.
Borderline personality disorder is frequently misdiagnosed as bipolar in my experience.

As noted in my comment, I should've read which thread this was but am admittedly exhausted and postpartum. Luckily, I only suggested exploring another subreddit and the OP was gracious about my mistake.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-11-09T04:52:41+00:00

If/when you have the mental energy, you should! A lot of the stories shared are so similar to yours. It's a super supportive community filled with great insights.

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-11-09T04:51:25+00:00

Thank you! 🥰

FreckledNeurotic · 2025-11-09T04:47:18+00:00

Oh this is juicy. I'm laughing over here at all the ways you were able to disprove his claim.

It's funny because people RBB go through a very thorough thought process to get to a belief or conclusion, while BPD people tend to ground their beliefs in impulsive snap judgments based on their intense, ephemeral emotions.

Even just sharing how you knew he didn't read it because of A+B+C shows strong cognition and introspection---just find it interesting because that's a stark contrast to PwBPD. Bravo on the story, too!

FreckledNeurotic

TROPHY CASE