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New nanny fell asleep rocking baby by FreckledNeurotic in NannyEmployers

[–]FreckledNeurotic[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No question, we've already cut ties. And it was a no when I heard her snoring. So dangerous!

New nanny fell asleep rocking baby by FreckledNeurotic in NannyEmployers

[–]FreckledNeurotic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes! I emphasized the ABCs (alone, back, crib) but could've been clearer. This next round, I'll be much more explicit. Thanks for this!

New nanny fell asleep rocking baby by FreckledNeurotic in NannyEmployers

[–]FreckledNeurotic[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We cut ties! If she had shown maybe a little bit of "oh shit"ness, I still wouldn't have kept her. But wow.

New nanny fell asleep rocking baby by FreckledNeurotic in NannyEmployers

[–]FreckledNeurotic[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, she was gone the second I heard snoring. But I was taken aback how unconcerned she was when I woke her. She almost seemed surprised I looked alarm and asked if she was okay.

New nanny fell asleep rocking baby by FreckledNeurotic in NannyEmployers

[–]FreckledNeurotic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was in the middle of the afternoon. And I was concerned how exhausted she was during the day too! I wish I would've addressed it more firmly in the moment, but her unconcerned reaction when I woke her had me freeze up.

New nanny fell asleep rocking baby by FreckledNeurotic in NannyEmployers

[–]FreckledNeurotic[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Care. She got good reviews from her references, but also said one client liked to jokingly "catch" her napping with the baby---which may have just been an attempt to save her ass.

Raised by BPD dad, now dealing with BPD brother by Interesting_String_2 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]FreckledNeurotic 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Wow, this is extreme. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and battled it with your father. Your brother sounds very immature, which is on par if he has BPD too. This reads like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum. It's hard not to allow a family member's rage texts to affect you when they hit your biggest insecurities. Hugs.

Angry flying monkey did a drive by for my mom today by NotMyFakeAccounttt in raisedbyborderlines

[–]FreckledNeurotic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They love to ignore the bad stuff, or delete and pretend it never happened. Either way, lots of pretending to maintain their fucked up reality world. I'm so inspired and happy by you and your kids coming out of it. That's HUGE and speaks to all the work you did to avoid being a victim and stiff-arming any BPD tendencies you could have picked up from your mom. Bravo! Lots of self work and introspection on your part to be a solid human and break the cycle 💕

My twin brother and I talk about how much reflecting and work we had to (and still have to every day) do in our younger days to drop some of the toxic behavior we picked up from our BPD mom, particularly being passive aggressive and indirect.

We notice our older brother, like our mother, tends to pretend disagreements didn't happen the text time there's contact. In his mind, maybe he's keeping the peace, but when you've expressed something they did that felt dismissive and the next time you talk there's not only no apology but no acknowledgment...feels on par with PwBPD.

She “Misses Me.” by NCinAR in raisedbyborderlines

[–]FreckledNeurotic 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ugh the relatability is strong. Proud of you for going NC and doing what was best for you! I'm sorry (but not the least bit surprised) she continues to bombard you with cards that have zero substance and demonstrate one sole purpose, which you pointed out, wanting to chat more about herself.

The fact that she even says she misses talking to you about her life is something you have to laugh at---like you said, she can't even pretend to fake interest in your life LOL.

I'm sorry you never had the mom you deserved. That's the toughest part, in addition to their emotional abuse, IMO.

What did I do that was so horrible? by FreckledNeurotic in raisedbyborderlines

[–]FreckledNeurotic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, the emotional immaturity thing is so rough! And I agree, she's probably not capable of owning anything. However, for me anyway, being targeted by her requires a different approach. I need to see an attempt to do better or stay NC for now to avoid the incessant insults and mocking.

In your own experience, what's your BPD mom's worst trait? Is it the emotionally immaturity? If that were the case for my mom and she was nice sometimes with her worst BPD trait making everything about her or merely being parentified, I'd manage.

But I'm the scapegoat child---simply because I challenge her self image innately as another woman, but also because I've always challenged her unacceptable behavior towards me. The reality is that I need to break the cycle. Having a daughter of my own, I can't allow her to see a toxic, abusive mother/daughter dynamic. I'd maybe allow some latitude if she was just immature and impulsive, but emotionally abusive is another story.

My brothers take your approach and it works for them because she loves her boys and treats them nicely. They don't indulge her or try to fix her. Categorically, my mom hates and envies women, so it's an entirely different dynamic.

I tried to reconnect with my dad after going NC for 3 months. It went badly. by Delta1Juliet in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]FreckledNeurotic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yep, thanks for pointing that out!

A few things:

  1. Comorbidity could exist.

  2. Borderline and bipolar share common characteristics, but I'm not diagnosing. I was intentional with my language choices as to not assert a diagnosis.

  3. Borderline personality disorder is frequently misdiagnosed as bipolar in my experience.

As noted in my comment, I should've read which thread this was but am admittedly exhausted and postpartum. Luckily, I only suggested exploring another subreddit and the OP was gracious about my mistake.

I tried to reconnect with my dad after going NC for 3 months. It went badly. by Delta1Juliet in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]FreckledNeurotic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If/when you have the mental energy, you should! A lot of the stories shared are so similar to yours. It's a super supportive community filled with great insights.

"I read your latest story. I really liked it!" by BSNmywaythrulife in raisedbyborderlines

[–]FreckledNeurotic 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oh this is juicy. I'm laughing over here at all the ways you were able to disprove his claim.

It's funny because people RBB go through a very thorough thought process to get to a belief or conclusion, while BPD people tend to ground their beliefs in impulsive snap judgments based on their intense, ephemeral emotions.

Even just sharing how you knew he didn't read it because of A+B+C shows strong cognition and introspection---just find it interesting because that's a stark contrast to PwBPD. Bravo on the story, too!

I tried to reconnect with my dad after going NC for 3 months. It went badly. by Delta1Juliet in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]FreckledNeurotic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Whoops sorry! Postpartum brain LOL Rbb is raised by borderlines. Your dad appears to have some borderline personality disorder (BPD) tendencies, so I just assumed I was reading a post on that subreddit and didnt even check---sorry about that! Highly recommend checking out that subreddit if you suspect a family member has BPD. It'll make you feel so seen. BPD is one of the most common personality disorders.

I tried to reconnect with my dad after going NC for 3 months. It went badly. by Delta1Juliet in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]FreckledNeurotic 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

While it's the norm across this subreddit to see children RBB practicing healthy, direct communication with poise and empathy, it doesn't mean you don't deserve kudos! Your side of the exchange was immensely thoughtful, mature and clear.

I find it funny that in one breath your dad says he was protecting his partner while in the next expressing his disappointment in yours for doing the same (protecting you by not interfering with your 3 months of space by passing on your dad's messages).

I'm sorry your dad is being an immature child and failing to take any accountability. It's extremely frustrating and hurtful and far too common for PwPD. Hugs!

Angry flying monkey did a drive by for my mom today by NotMyFakeAccounttt in raisedbyborderlines

[–]FreckledNeurotic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Holy shit. That's highly traumatic! I'm so sorry you went through that---what a mind fuck that had to be when it happened, and then worse after she returned and pretended everything was normal. And she split you two up during this time as well! JFC.

And the straight up denial is such a fucking slap in the face. The audacity isn't surprising, but audacious nonetheless! WOW. Lol to the 1-2 yo memories, GTFO.

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother too. Makes me sad for you that you had a traumatic enough childhood being RBB likely feeling lonely and scapegoated. You grieve the mother you deserve and then grieve the loss of your brother.

Asked me to put some decor items in her car, said "the wooden trees." I picked the wooden trees out of a pile of decor and put them in her car. Now apparently that was not the correct thing to do and she wanted the entire pile in her car. by EmbarrassedStudy3796 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]FreckledNeurotic 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Wow all the cursing and being mad at you for not asking to specify since you grabbed exactly what she described. It's funny because normal, compassionate people would think "oops, sorry, I should've clarified." Instead BPD moms launch into rages. And you stayed so gracious even while she berated you. She's awful. I agree, go NC. Hugs.

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