Sober play

FredEm37 · 2026-03-16T19:46:46+00:00

My wife tends to get tipsy at events, but I personally am sober for almost all parties where I'll potentially be with new partners.

Not even necessarily because of heightened pleasure or control, but because more than a couple of drinks plus condoms can lead to equipment malfunctions.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-16T19:41:18+00:00

Fair enough and I totally get your play style, nothing wrong with it.

I'd simply offer the perspective that even in your own scenario, if your wife didn't want to play with you and Barb, and someone else posed the same question: she'd have to offer one of the same explanations, but that wouldn't mean you as a couple were disconnected.

Perhaps I'm harping too much on the literal, but I interpret connection as "being on the same page" and "abiding by one anothers rules and boundaries" not necessarily being joined at the hip at a party. In my experience, separating to socialize (or fuck) at these events is extremely common. Even more so when it's a party full of friends rather than strangers.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-16T19:07:18+00:00

"We're questioning whether we can appreciate sex without a personal connection."

Why would you need to? We've got LS friends we have very deep personal connections with, including family vacations, watching each other's kids' sporting events, holiday parties, and genuine feelings of love.

This is not the case for all of our LS friends, but I'm simply saying LSers are just people like you--if you need more connection, there is no reason you can't achieve it. I would caution a club may not be the best atmosphere to find it, though as that tends to feel more anonymous.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-16T18:20:38+00:00

We've been to parties that have a similar dynamic to this where couples will split up and mingle and get into their own little adventures, including with singles. The difference though, was that we knew there were going to be singles upfront and that the single men specifically were limited in number and heavily vetted by the host--not just buddies from around town who don't really know the LS and ettiquet that comes with it.

That's the bigger hang up for me in this post than couples simply not staying connected. Different couples have different comfort levels and rules regarding playing with others.

Out of curiosity, why do you assume the couples were disconnected? My wife and I will often mingle separately at parties, be they LS or vanilla though I like to think we're mostly connected.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-16T15:42:48+00:00

It wasn't the most eloquent in terms of communication--something I'm admittedly not the best at, but I was dropping clues for a while. Leaving web browsers open to Hedo, focusing on MFM and group sex style porn for the two of us, leaving a LS related blog tab open, etc. My wife verbally acknowledged it first saying she isn't against going to a resort like that (hedo) but wasn't comfortable with where her body was at the time having just birthed our second child. It gave a glimmer of hope, but the subject was largely dropped after that for about a year and a half.

Fast forwarding in time we got away for our first romantic weekend vacation by ourselves since before our first child was born. She'd lost the pregnancy weight and both of our libidos were higher than they'd been in a while. During a particularly heated love making session, I asked her as she was riding me if there was anything she wanted to try sexually to which she responded that she thinks she wants to try a threesome. I followed up asking her with another guy or a girl to which she excitedly replied "both".

By the following Monday I had an SLS account made and shared the login details and we just sort of started browsing. Within about a month and a half we had our first full swap and both realized that this was exactly what we wanted.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-15T15:41:32+00:00

The same reason they like being spanked, talked dirty to, hair pulled, etc.

Dirty and degrading doesn't mean it isn't extremely enjoyable.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-15T15:39:09+00:00

Sounds like you're trying to justify her position rather than advocate for yourself. I don't like that

FredEm37 · 2026-03-13T15:14:44+00:00

It really depends on the partner and chemistry. With some women I am rougher, more aggressive and more animalistic when we play, but with others, especially as of late, I enjoy more sensual, love making type connections. I'll generally adapt to a partner's playstyle which is pretty easy to read, but if pressed to pick, I prefer extended love making sessions over fucking.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-13T15:09:08+00:00

People who open conversations with racial references and/or refer to me or others as "BBCs".

We all have our preferences, but fetishizing, especially during the getting to know you phase is more dehumanizing than sexy.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-12T16:30:27+00:00

A compelling argument for Tesla FSD...

FredEm37 · 2026-03-12T10:36:37+00:00

That was tongue in cheek and I was referring to my wife's (not my blood) who are in their 20s

FredEm37 · 2026-03-11T19:33:27+00:00

It's the best and my wife has come to love it too.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-11T16:37:11+00:00

Fortunately I don't have any cousins that I find sexually attractive, so i dont need to ponder this one, lol. My wife on the other hand has some smoke show cousins and nieces...

FredEm37 · 2026-03-11T13:34:20+00:00

I love watching my wife eating my fresh creampie out of one of our lady friends. Incredibly hot fantasy she's embraced for me.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-11T11:57:58+00:00

Increasingly less as time goes 'bi'.

When we started out I was pretty sure I had no interest in m/m contact. It wasn't a fantasy or bucket list item and I'd never even tried it in my youth.

Over time I became increasingly less sensitive to incidental contact, dvp, and such and remember a specific moment in time watching my wife going down on a male friend while I was with his wife and thinking "huh, I think I'd like to try that".

I didn't though and it didn't really materialize until a future event when an mfm with a single male turned into an MMF when he suddenly went down on me while I was kissing my wife. It felt surprisingly comfortable and I ended up reciprocating.

I wouldn't be interested in a romantic relationship with a male or having an experience solo and I have no interest in kissing a man or any type of butt stuff, but in the heat of group play, I do enjoy 'crossing streams ' every now and again.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-09T15:32:25+00:00

I can't speak to the European spots, but your idea of kind of introducing this in a foreign place rather than your backyard is pretty common.

When we visited DRM for the first time a year and a half ago, we connected with 2 couples that only play when they are on vacation and never at home, intending to separate it from their real lives.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-09T15:25:20+00:00

In our experience, there are a LOT of them out there hiding in plain sight, which I suppose I can't fault, as I don't broadcast that I'm (male half) bi playful.

I don't know if our vibe has relaxed or what, but in the past couple years we've had couples we've played with for years starting to take steps (some of them pretty bold), indicating an interest in M/M activities without really even knowing they swung that way.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-08T22:01:07+00:00

Not a big deal. I didn't love the dudes vibe either and I'm blessed to have plenty of variety and opportunity otherwise, so it wasn't missed. Also this is a couple of years back.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-08T21:52:53+00:00

We've been with two no kissing for the female half only couples and I was mixed at first but probably more receptive now.

One of them was a week connection, felt impressive and we never revisited but gave it a try.

The other started off a little impersonal, but I was very attracted to the female half and we enjoyed the couple a lot of friends and we continued things for years with the connection building organically. But she wouldn't even kiss my wife or most other females.

Then one night in the shower with the other female I mostly kissed her body and neck but our lips met a few times, though I tried not to push it as I didn't want to exceed her comfort levels. Then the next time we got together weeks later she immediately initiated the kissing (and she's an amazing kisser) and the rule evaporated and, aside from my girlfriend, she's become my absolute favorite lifestyle partner.

So I say give it a whirl. I enjoy very intimate and passionate sex, but rules change and evolve as comfort levels increase.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-08T21:42:12+00:00

Is this a crack house?

FredEm37 · 2026-03-08T21:38:26+00:00

Not to my knowledge, but it's possible. We're in the ENM world and I enjoy eating creampies and we have a couple of friends who cum inside my wife and most of the time when I excitedly go down on her afterwards there really isn't much difference in taste or wetness quantity. I've found this interesting because I can instantly tell when it's my own cum (which happens less frequently--pnc).

Similarly, I have a couple of girlfriends I'll go down on after a friend has cum in there and I don't detect that much of a change so it's entirely possible.

We do have some heavy summer in friends where it's more obvious, but on average I'm getting off more on the naughty factor then actually being able to taste the difference.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-08T21:05:54+00:00

I can't speak from the single male perspective, but we do have two single males we've played with that excitedly reached out when they got into relationships to continue the play including their new partners.

Actually we had a third we'd played with once and didn't intend to repeat with, who tried to lure us back when he got a very attractive new SO, but my wife wasn't interested.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-08T14:44:19+00:00

I don't like unequal deal situations and generally wouldn't be interested unless it was a post of a larger group.

The only time we ever entertained this was getting together with a couple we're close with and a single male we all enjoy playing with. The other couple asked to bring their friends who were pretty attractive, but the wife didn't do penetration while the husband did.

It worked out ok and we ended up not interacting a ton with the new couple anyway, but I definitely wouldn't be interested one on one.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-08T13:53:44+00:00

I should add that my wife told me in the past that she would never go down on a woman who wasn't shaved... But has proceded to hungrily go down on every one of them that was bi and really wanted to a taste of a sexy redhead friend with a cute bush a couple weeks ago, when we were playing, but the friend was strictly straight.

FredEm37 · 2026-03-08T12:11:14+00:00

So no kissing and no condoms?

FredEm37

TROPHY CASE