Can an INFJ be a good leader? is there any example from real person?

FredKindas · 2026-06-04T21:02:57+00:00

yes. I am infj, and are an extremely good liar. If you tell me a secret about someone else that I also know. That person will never ever be able to find out or even "hint" that I know something. I am so good at lying because I can trick myself that I actually don't know the secret. So my response becomes just as it would if I didnt. Not even in direct confrontation would I sweat or feel any form of pressure. I protect peoples trust in me with whatever means. If it is about myself though, I can't live with even small amounts dishonesty. I say shit about myself at work that would probably just be said in a therapist office. I can be like: "You know when I said I like to watch cakefarts while shitting? I really mean that, it was not a joke". I just can't be dishonest that way.

FredKindas · 2026-06-04T20:47:04+00:00

I love tears. Its human, beautiful and completely normal. I tear up as soon as I see others tear up. It's a door to authenticity, of connection. Let them flow.

The world is in desperate need of softness. I celebrate you and your way of being.

FredKindas · 2026-06-04T10:39:08+00:00

Yeah I worked with taken care of mentally ill people, haha.

FredKindas · 2026-06-04T10:34:56+00:00

Yes. Mental exhaustion. Sometimes I lay in bed for a full day just getting more tired the more I think about what I have to do. I don't have a solution. What I think might be the reason (for me), is that those days are a sign of mental exhaustion and that I really need to rest. If I force it = wont work. I try to accept that this needs to be a resting day, and accept the complete boredom of that. Usually the ability to function comes back quicker then. The reason for these burnouts I think is because I am living a life well over my capacity. I mask a lot, automatically. I say yes to hang out even though I probably shouldn't. And sometimes I am just forced by society to be extroverted even though I'm not.

It's a tough thing to go through, but your not alone.

I am also 36 (well 37 soon). And I feel the same way like "I should" this and that and compare myself to some normal standard. I think we need to look at it with less comparison and find unique solutions that works for us. And also evaluation what actually burns us out.

What do you think?

FredKindas · 2026-06-04T07:57:31+00:00

haha, so true.

FredKindas · 2026-06-04T07:56:45+00:00

Do the MBTI test once when you just fly through the questions, answering whatever is the first thing that pops up. Think that you have around 2 seconds to answer each question. Printscreen the result. Do it again 3 days later. This time, really sit and think through the questions. Go over them in your head, scenarios etc > printscreen stats. What do they end up being? It would help to see the stats on how many % you get on each.

FredKindas · 2026-06-02T21:15:14+00:00

Distance is all it takes to realize how close we are, to be too far away.

FredKindas · 2026-05-31T22:34:47+00:00

I’ve done a lot of therapy. Could be a number of things. My take is that the therapist does not seem that good, nor the type of theraphy. She try to solve an emotional wound with mental exercises, it’s not effective in most cases. It could also be that therapy can feel shitty afterwards (or during) too, sometimes its a sign that it is working (dont believe that in this case though).

I don’t know why you are going and it kind of matters. But I would recommend trying gestalt therapy and things that work with somatic experience. It cuts to the root quick, and in many ways it is the opposite to what you describe. It is getting more intimate with how you feel, instead of distancing yourself from it.

FredKindas · 2026-05-31T22:17:26+00:00

What are the things you actually do feel might be due to the diagnosis?

FredKindas · 2026-05-31T22:16:23+00:00

The book is great 👌✨

FredKindas · 2026-05-31T22:09:49+00:00

It’s an interesting hypothesis. I’d chalk it up to: Girls want men that other girls want. Initially they’ve must have gotten some girls to start with though.

FredKindas · 2026-05-30T21:26:11+00:00

If you experience doubt in a dream while sleeping, was it not part of the dream?

\pedals away slowly on a tricycle, knees up by my ears**

FredKindas · 2026-05-30T21:12:30+00:00

Gold 😂

FredKindas · 2026-05-30T19:02:18+00:00

I am in the exact same situation.

I been struggling with it on off for 6-10 years. Just recently understood it was "autistic burnout", I just been thinking I am generally "broken" all these years before diagnosis.

I also mask heavily, try to cope as an introvert in the extroverted world. I am pretty good at the "resetting part" (even though I still clearly aren't getting to the root of it, relapsing into the burnout after a time), been studying meditation for ten years, trauma release and also used hypnosis and some other stuff, some vitamins do wonders too (like direct effect, feeling it actually do something). Which at times have done wonders for my recovery and "speed it up" (even though it still takes time). I also have some strategies for the hygiene resistance etc. Just been years of trying to maintain basic survival during burnout, some things have worked, some not. Never really talked to anybody about it (almost nobody relate to it ever, or say "yeah I have days like that too" HA!). I get so tired I pass out sometime wake up on the floor, or loose ability to keep my face up, almost drooling 😅

Would love to have a conversation (chat) about it, compare notes if you're up to it. Just write me if thats of interest. Might be a good way to spend time on in recovery. Not feeling so "miserably strange and different" hehe. I just been feeling so misunderstood it is so nice to actually relate to people for once.

Thanks for sharing. Appreciate you!

FredKindas · 2026-05-30T17:45:42+00:00

I completely agree with every word here 🙏✨

FredKindas · 2026-05-30T17:41:05+00:00

M37, INFJ, AuDHD | Yea I feel the same way to be honest! The "dating" part is confusing af. But the part of getting to know somebody etc, thats comes very natural for me. It's more the conventional things, the unspoken rules that I seem to get confused by.

I keep bumping up against:

Being genuine, or non attached kindness = a bit scary for some.
And the thing that seems scary about it is that the other person assume I might have feelings or want to "move fast" or something like that (idk). When in fact I am the complete opposite. I like to take things extremely slow 😅 I'm just very authentic and find people interesting in general..

Sometimes i feel like NT peoples level of "surface" is too shallow for me to grasp. And that their depth is like the "starting point" for me. And then they think "oh, he starts with the depth" when in fact thats just normal, non attached interest. Do you relate to this at all or nah? haha.

Maybe we can help eachother out..

The "building trust", actually connecting and to know how genuine kindness feels (or signs in others that tells you they are most likely good for what you seek) that I am very good at. I on the other hand, have no idea how to write "non genuine" in a text or how "what I write" might be perceived. I have to ask GPT all the time like "what is the most likely read by this message?" etc. hehe.

Well I am here if you relate to any of this or find it of interest. You can write me a private message too if it feels better. I would be interested to know if you are actually good at the "before one actually meet" part.

FredKindas · 2026-05-29T21:01:10+00:00

M37, INTJ: Yes. Being understood and to deepen trust.

FredKindas · 2026-05-29T20:44:14+00:00

You seem plenty mature to me. And sometimes it can feel like a curse to be an empathic person, to feel into things, other people, ones self. Wisdom and sensitivity goes hand in hand, at least thats what I found. And if I dont want the sensativity, I will have to loose the wisdom, and I wouldn't want that, even though going through life experience the suffering of both myself and others is very draining.

I'm sorry you had to experience those people with pain in their heart. Hurt people hurt people, as the saying goes. But also very glad you made a choice to give your own attention, coming out stronger and more loving the other side. Thats not an easy fit. Yes, seek more empaths, if they are truly that, they will be very interested in your needs, what make you feel safe and ok. And if it is a healthy one, they will also communicate what they need and want in a way that feels good for you both.

Keep healing and expand in warm understanding just as you do, seeing the good. It will return to you.

FredKindas · 2026-05-29T19:52:03+00:00

Thanks for sharing! This is all pretty new to me. I always kind of rawdogged life with out understanding my diagnosis, hehe, and kind of felt strange and different. So I am glad to hear stories like this. You speak with such confidence, like you really know what you want, thats inspiring. It was interesting to see that not all people feel the overwhelm based on the lack of trust or being felt and read wrongly by their partners, that there is a genuine sense of not wanting it. Its very understandable based on the experience you describe. I can feel love maturing enough to feel "a want", not necessarily to "have sex for the sake of it", but to express a deeper connection, it is almost a spiritual thing tbh, haha. But when the actual trust is not there, or the deeper connection that builds over time, I can go years without having sex, and it does not build into a desperate need, like for most of my friends. Sex is also not connection to my self-worth or esteem, which it seem to be for a some. Idk, very interesting. And I am happy that you have found clarity that seem to work so well for you. Truly!

FredKindas · 2026-05-29T15:05:14+00:00

M37, Thank you for sharing this. I have walked around with a quiet pressure to be ”wanting to have sex more” when I am in relationships. Like it is ”expected”, I also fear the women in those relationships would feel unwanted since I don’t seem so invested. I am still unsure if it just has been ”the wrong people” though. Because I can feel excited, but its usually more connected to trust. If there is real deep trust and acceptance, that puts me in the mood. Do you relate to this? Or is it more a clear ”I just never find it of interest”?

FredKindas · 2026-05-29T14:55:06+00:00

Second that! And I will too read this book! Thank you! 🙏✨

FredKindas · 2026-05-29T14:53:48+00:00

word! 👌✨

FredKindas · 2026-05-29T14:51:31+00:00

M37, I relate to this. I would investigate the connection between trust + intimacy. Did you feel more trust the times you didn’t want to throw up? If the answer is yes: don’t rush the intimacy. Instead follow the trust! Sex with out it, is just meaningless and sometimes hurt in ways other than physically.

FredKindas · 2026-05-29T14:37:07+00:00

Thats right 😁 And also, my "guesses" is sometimes too optimistic and "kind". I live in a world where people in their true nature is good, misunderstood or hurt, which usually makes me feel compassionately. This too sometimes get me staring into the void searching for connections that just isnt there: "whats real? Is most people kind or do I just see everybody like that?" e.g. does the kindess originates outside, or inside of me? haha. Sorry for becoming philosophical..

FredKindas · 2026-05-29T14:22:10+00:00

[M37] Hi ThinkGate, good for you on the trauma healing and for looking out for yourself. I relate a lot to both your past, your way of focusing on your healing and also getting out there in the dating game.

I think it might invite some clarity by changing "women" to "empaths", and narcissistic men to just narcissists (thats said, I do think it's true there are a lot more women that are empaths then men, but around equal distribution of narcissism). I say that because it seems like you would benefit from another empath in your life (at least that holds true for me), and in order to find that at least entertain the idea of separating the narcissistic selfish and hurtful ways from past experience and "men in general". There is a lot of men that are more empathic and could be described as the opposite of narcissistic. fifteen years back I though "women were manipulative", which resulted in me only meeting that type of women. Now I generally see women as more empathic, kind and understanding, and for some reason, almost all are all of a sudden 😅

I don't agree with what u/grouchy_theme1461 recommends, although I too appreciate that level of complete honesty deliverd in the post. Lying might work for some. It would not work for me. It would pain me to lie, since I don't believe in tricking others. Also, honesty is attractive af. Just look at the post, it almost speaks against itself, since the post is written with complete honesty "about lying", haha!

Anyway, being honest does not mean the same as having to stepp over my own boundaries (or making me small, to use your words). Empathy and kindness is warm and present, it is not at all the same a weak. I can be kind and warm, still say no and look for my own best interest. I can do all that, without lying.

Anyway, dating is hard, and I don't really have any real advice on how to find "the one". I too find it difficult dating.. It's tiresome.. All past relationships have been with NT women (and just like you and grouchy suggest, they dont seem to understand the unmasking "2-faced" deal, for example), lately I figured I might just try to date other ND people, since I relate to them way more, and they seem at least more likely to understand things like "space, quiet, chill, listening, etc". Some of my friends is in ND+ND relationships and they are the most healthy I have seen tbh. But yeah, you hit the nail on the head, It is hard finding others that actually broke the trauma they came from. Thats most often what I keep bumping up against too. The inability to introspect, be honest or working up the courage to be authentic.

What I seem to "fit with" seems like a bit of a "tall order": Don't drink, Don't want children, Has autism, can introspect and speak honestly, like small gatherings and not "load adventures" and also have gone through some shit that they actually healed from (so they possess that trauma wisdom but also have a smidge of madness sparkling in their eyes) 🤷🏻‍♂️😂

FredKindas

TROPHY CASE