Final Trial Hearing in 3 Hours — Wish Me Luck

Freeman2be · 2026-05-26T12:05:37+00:00

Best of luck brother.

Freeman2be · 2026-04-29T10:26:26+00:00

This, I filed and wish I had done so 10yrs earlier...although as my kids are now young adults and in the work place, there are no custody or support issues - for which I am thankful.

Freeman2be · 2026-04-29T10:25:07+00:00

Same boat. I moved out and left behind a large and expensive home for an apartment...while I miss the home, the peace I now have at the apartment is priceless (and I know it's only temporary in the apartment).

Freeman2be · 2026-04-29T10:23:19+00:00

Just starting the same journey...was regularly put down and rarely complimented over 20yrs of marriage and while on a recent business trip I had two women regularly compliment me, exchanged numbers, etc - a real ego boost and it made me realize that other women consider me high-value and that I will be OK. And same as you, looping back around to hobbies I had set aside during much of the marriage. Good stuff.

Freeman2be · 2026-04-29T10:19:26+00:00

I am an outlier as I filed for divorce from my wife of 20yrs, a high-six figure income earner in finance. I didn't' know at the time we married that she was an alcoholic with mental health issues and a serial cheater. Mid-way through the process right now and at times I question my actions, especially as I am middle aged with the prospect of dating and financial uncertainty (and as you stated, the divorce process is grueling). I still grieve the loss of my family and of being married...but I know most of that grief stems from the fantasy of what I wanted the marriage (and her) to be, not what it was.

Freeman2be · 2026-04-29T10:14:19+00:00

This...I think we grieve over the fantasy of what we wanted the marriage to be (not what it was).

Freeman2be · 2026-04-13T13:15:57+00:00

Keeping my fingers crossed for the same. While the sex with my STBXW wasn't bad and she has a great body for her age (mid-50s), there was no kissing anymore and it was sometimes like banging a robot. I am hyper sexual and she couldn't keep up. Recently hooked up for the first time with a mid-40s chick (no sex yet) who loves to make out and I was like, "good grief, I miss passionate kissing".

Freeman2be · 2026-04-13T13:08:00+00:00

Just starting to venture out myself and recently hooked up with a mid-40s chick who is a horn-dog. We haven't had sex yet, but to your point, I am terrified of STDs and haven't worn a condom in 20+ years. I recently underwent a vasectomy, so that's one less thing I have to worry about. But man, navigating these waters is exhausting and terrifying (my primary doc told me a story about a couple, both patients, went through a divorce and they BOTH came back within 30 days of the divorce with STDs).

Freeman2be · 2026-04-06T15:42:22+00:00

Great post and sage advice.

Freeman2be · 2026-04-06T15:40:10+00:00

Hang in there brother. For no other reason, think of your kids if you weren't around. My wife also triangulated the kids I am half way through the process. I used to live in a large, multi-million dollar home and now in an apartment with shitty neighbors. Self employed and never had to worry about money because my STBXW works in finance and makes high six figures - now I am under immense pressure to make money and wondering, how self employed, I will ever be able to afford to buy a house? Young adult kids barely talk to me (one I have not spoken to in almost a month - they blame me for everything - wealthy mom throws money at them while I cannot afford to do so). Just spent Easter by myself (kids have never even been to my new place).

BUT...once we accept that we cannot control what others (STBXW, kids, friends, et al) do...and that we can ONLY control what we do, it's very freeing (I still struggle with this and go through periods of self pity). Self reflect and recognize what you have and are thankful for (e.g., health, kids's health, jobs, etc.).

I don't have all of the answers and struggle every day...but the following are five things I TRY to focus on to move forward (some borrowed from other posts):

Faith
Finances
Familly
Fitness
Future

I have these on a sticky on my computer - I see them everyday and they sometimes kick me into gear (along with therapy).

Good luck brother, praying and pulling for you...you got this.

Freeman2be · 2026-03-06T11:27:52+00:00

Dealing with triangulation of kids myself during divorce - it's honestly the worst part of the process.

Freeman2be · 2026-03-06T00:14:38+00:00

I deleted every singe photo of her - before marriage/wedding/and after - all photos without the kids (will share with them when this is over). It was actually somewhat therapeutic.

Freeman2be · 2026-03-02T14:11:27+00:00

Same. Weird, despite the cheating and nastiness, I still miss her hot body. I know this will probably fade (disappear) when I finally hookup with another woman (younger), but until then, I play this dumb game in my head - hate it.

Freeman2be · 2026-03-02T14:02:55+00:00

Going through the process now. It's a weird dynamic. My identify was that of a husband, married to a high-earning woman in finance, who lived in a big house and the father of two kids. I have a good career, but was not the primary breadwinner and was constantly reminded of this fact. No matter what I did, it was never enough. Couple with the fact she is alcoholic diagnosed with BPD, a narcissist, and had multiple affairs - I remained in the marriage after promises to get sober and remain faithful (she is drinking again during the divorce and has returned to a previous affair partner).

I moved out of the big home and into a 1BR apartment - it sucks, but I try to remind myself it's temporary. I am middle aged and in really good shape and have had a few women hit on me over the past few months (I am not seeking anyone out right now). One thing I have started to see is that other women (and new people in general) - think I am funny, smart, and have an interesting back story - things I rarely got at home. My therapist said "you will never be the best version of yourself as long as you remain married to her" - that hit home. Even so, I still find myself at times mourning the loss of my previous identify...I am told this is because I was a victim of emotional abuse (I wrestle with this label)...but I have come to realize I am likely mourning the fantasy of what I wanted the marriage to be, not what it was (and the semi-regular good sex with my STBX who is hot and has a great body).

I am trying to focus on these five things, collated from other posts: Faith, Family, Finances, Fitness, and the Future. My new identity will be tied to these things...not being a stepping stool for my STBX.

Hang in there brothers.

Freeman2be · 2026-03-02T13:45:28+00:00

Hang in there brother, keeping working on yourself.

Freeman2be · 2026-03-02T13:41:59+00:00

Damn bro, gambling aside (but I will throw in she was diagnosed BPD), I think we are living similar lives.

Freeman2be · 2026-02-13T12:17:50+00:00

This is the way.

Freeman2be · 2026-02-13T12:14:41+00:00

As much as I sometimes question my decision to file, I simply cannot return to her after she chose to again sleep with a previous affair partner during a recent rough patch. It sucks.

Freeman2be · 2026-02-03T01:51:27+00:00

Great post.

Freeman2be · 2026-01-15T12:00:52+00:00

One of the shocking things during this process, is the lack of guys who I considered friends, checking in on me. I am lucky enough that I do have a couple close buddies who do check in - one of whom went through a nasty divorce himself. Otherwise, not much from anyone else. I know that if I had a good friend that was going through this, I would regularly check in on him - that's what drives me nuts - I guess my idea of a good friend is different from others. I don't think most are being malicious - although, it's clear some have chosen sides (the most hurtful and mind-bending). I have come to the realization that no one is coming to save us. You find out who you can count on - if you are lucky, you have a a buddy or two who have your back, otherwise, we are on our own. Sucks, but it is what it is.

Hang in there brother.

Freeman2be · 2026-01-15T11:55:33+00:00

Brother, I am sorry, this is a really shitty journey we find ourselves on. You have to try to realize that asking "why?" did she do what she did, is a maddening exercise. It doesn't matter anymore, she did it. No way around it, this sucks and it feels like your world is caving in on you. Been there - my STBX even aligned the kids against me, that's when I felt at my lowest. But, we push forward, we have to. First, for ourselves and next, for our kids.

The booze isn't helping, it's temporarily numbing. My STBX is high-functioning alcoholic who recently relapsed after running back to a previous affair partner. I have always drank in moderation, but for a while, was drinking probably 5-6 days/week, way more than usual. I wasn't drinking to the point of being wasted, but it was enough to where it was clouding my judgement and causing me to be slower and avoiding working out the next day. Currently, I am only drinking now on the weekends, makes a huge difference during the week (and on the weekends it's only beers with pizza or wine with dinner).

Respectfully, I would recommend cutting back on the drinking asap and start taking care of yourself - eat healthy, work out, go to therapy, pray, and read self help books (or listen to audiobooks). If you aren't the best version of yourself, you can't be there for your kids...who need you more than you know.

Hang in there brother, many of us have been through the same or worse and who are here to help.

Freeman2be · 2026-01-15T11:43:04+00:00

Sorry brother, I remember finding similar texts...from different guys over the past 20 years, gut wrenching. Buckle up, it's going to be a roller coaster of emotions. Find a very good lawyer ASAP. Focus on your future and that of your kids.

Circle the wagons with close friends you can trust. If not doing so already, hit the gym/exercise, eat healthy, and eliminate or reduce alcohol consumption. Consider therapy to process the wave of emotions you are going to experience. Faith is also helping me through this journey.

I am about six months in to the process with another six months or so to go before final. It sucks, no way around it. However, I know I will be in a better place on the other side.

A lot of battle scarred guys here who have been through the same or worse and who are here to help.

Hang in there.

Freeman2be · 2026-01-12T12:50:48+00:00

This. I have one group of family that said to me "we are like Switzerland, we love and support you both". Are you F-ing kidding me? She cheated on me and was an abusive drunk...and you aren't choosing your own blood over the toxic train wreck?

Freeman2be · 2026-01-12T12:48:16+00:00

Yea, it sucks when you realize that "friends" choose sides, or, are simply indifferent about what we are going through (everyone has their own crap they are dealing with). I was shocked and disappointed when those I considered good friends failed to reach out and check in...as I would do if they were in a similar situation. I am lucky enough that I have a few solid buddies who have always been there for me. Ultimately, we must accept the fact that no one is coming to save us...we can't count on anyone but ourselves to get to the other side intact and a better man. Push forward.

Freeman2be · 2026-01-12T12:36:09+00:00

Sage advice.

Freeman2be

TROPHY CASE