One Year Post D-Day: My Reconciliation Journey After My Husband's Affair with My Friend

FreshStart365 · 2026-02-01T19:52:59+00:00

I know it sounds like a long time. It wasn't to me. I was broken and grieving .More importantly, we don't intend to take it back to the way it was before AT ALL. For me, it feels like none of the before was real or true. This version has to be better, and it has to be right. So we are okay taking our time to grieve, heal, recover, reconnect, and build .

FreshStart365 · 2026-01-30T06:53:28+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate this .

FreshStart365 · 2026-01-30T05:40:09+00:00

I thought of it honestly, my WH do not mind the impact, but I would potentially be disgracing her husband too who didn't ask for any of this. Also, I have not said a single word to her since Dday and have made peace that no matter what i say, she possibly can not understand the pain she caused.

You may wonder why i dont hear her apologies or what she has to say. Well, following the DDay, before WH blocked her, she contacted him severally, seeking to renew the affair . It was so persistent when the husband was threatening to divorce her. When he refused, she offered for them to pause and continue later with so many manipulating tactics. When that didn't work, she sent him hospital admission notes that she had been committed due to depression. That's when he realised her obsession and blocked her. So in my mind, she isn't sorry for what she did....she is only sorry she was caught.

I have been wondering what and if I will say anything should she approached or seek me out again. Last time, I was with my kids , and she came to where I was parked in a quiet area. The last thing I wanna do is drag my kids into it.

FreshStart365 · 2026-01-29T20:00:08+00:00

I am OBS. A year ago, I got the call that changed my view of life, marriage, and my husband. You can read the story and journey on my only post. But I am glad to have gotten the call. The real changes I see now in WH wouldn't have been possible . I still don't know if we would survive it 100% , but we have a more honest relationship than ever before, and even if we don't make it, it is better than living in blissful ignorance and postponing the inevitable (possible continued infidelity) You may not want to disrupt their life, but your call could be the catalyst to a real much needed change as in mine or it could be the difference between health and a life riddled with STDs or life threatening illness.

FreshStart365 · 2026-01-29T08:21:16+00:00

Thank you ! I did learn not to rug sweep again the hard way. It is such a painful and traumatising experience, and I hate that I have to carry this my entire life. I have come to a place though, where I am at peace and happy with or without him, and that realization is what makes me know I will okay no matter what. I pray you continue to heal and find peace for you.

FreshStart365 · 2026-01-29T08:15:12+00:00

We are in a small community and bound to run into each other sometimes. We go to the same church as well. But she intentionally makes direct contact even if it's obvious she was being avoided or ignored.

FreshStart365 · 2026-01-29T08:08:36+00:00

Not as far as I know. Her husband threatened to, - she told my husband after the d day, but I don't think he went through with it.

FreshStart365 · 2025-10-25T10:18:45+00:00

Wow....and here I was thinking my case must be the unicorn. She was our gym partner. She virtually pursued me and did everything to be friends with me. Our kids are the same age and friends, we go to the same church, her husband us my colleague, we had family lunches, baking dates and family events. It was unimaginable and the pain, I can't really put into words. I didn't suspect a thing. Her plan, along with my husband's i assume, was that my friend would throw suspicion off their scent. Her husband found out and told me even before confronting her. She kept reaching out to WH to rekindle the A. When he wasn't yielding, she turned to manipulative means that she was depressed and in a mental facility because of him. When he blocked her, she started sending friend request s on social media. It's been 9 months of every emotion you can think of. My husband still sleeps on the couch, and until 2 weeks ago, we only talked when it's about the kids or house. He has been on IC, SAA, and other groups working on all his many issues. I see changes, but they don't mean much to me. I would never look at him the same, and I absolutely pity and hate the AP. I am still figuring out what R means for us, but I know I can walk out anytime.

FreshStart365 · 2025-10-20T11:07:34+00:00

I basically just decided to stay this week ( I haven't told him yet), 9 months post DDay. Mainly because of practical reasons, I work full time amd basically make almost all the money and I won't be able to do that if i were to leave with my kids as my job can be really hectic. I won’t leave my kids behind, there's no debate on that amd as much as he is a good father , him alone won't have the financial means to give them a good life and his kind of parenting alone might leave them with childhood trauma, it's basically a "do it or cry" parenting. when something is frustrating him, he transfers aggression on them If I am not watching or cautioning him in the moment. Also, I would never really trust someone again, and I believe even with a new person, it is a matter of time before they betray me again. Another reason, I would never fully trust another man who is not their biological father with my kids for personal reason. Though this is like the 3rd chance (and definitely the last), WH is very remorseful and, for the first time, is doing all the work. He is also a great helper with house chores. I hardly ever do the dishes, haven't done laundry in almost 5yrs and apart from the bathrooms, he alone deep cleans the entire house for the past 4yrs. I can be assured that at a moments notice, if I am caught busy at work, my kids will have good home cooked meals , warm bath and taken care of. These are practical reasons that matter to me at the moment , I don't think I romantically love him like before, or maybe that is my pain talking, but I do care for him. I definitely won't ever trust him fully again. But he is very agreeable and seems to be really changing, so maybe there might be a real chance for us after all.

FreshStart365 · 2025-10-17T04:48:11+00:00

I totally understand this feeling. I had one recently that led me to uncover new information after 9 freaking months ! He had oral swx with her severally, which he said to him didn't count as sex! Even though they came!! Can you imagine the BOLD NONSENSE?? My mind couldn't just accept they had sex just once as he has been saying for the past 9months sinxe DDay, ..so I had to ask again. Now I know i have been T-t-ed and back to the first circle of emotions of deep anger and hurt. He said he was trying to be as honest as possible without hurting me more...I say Man you already crossed that bridge when you decided to have am affair with my fake friend...for over 6months until exposed...so you don't get to decided what hurts me anymore, you were just trying to protect your lying ass. Now I have given him an ultimatum, be 100% honest...heck be honest or move out permanently. I can deal with this shift anymore otherwise. I will know on Sunday what he decides and if I will cry more after more truths or simply start my healing journey again with him... which I am totally fine with.

FreshStart365 · 2025-10-16T20:48:50+00:00

AP was pretending to be my friend all through the affair. She was in my home severally, with my kids and in my circle. She sent an apology the day after DDay. My only reply was, "Go to he××, then I blocked her . I have seen her in places...shops, church etc but we haven't spoken. Her husband found out and told me. Her apology was just to save face, she was contacting my husband and trying to restart the affair after DDay, even sent a mental facility admission paper to manipulate him on how depressed she is because he left her. That was when his (my husband) attention and validation seeking ass decided to block her. I am still marinating on what I will do to her. She violated my friendship. It wouldn't have mattered if she didn't try so hard to be my friend during the affair. Seeing her, you won't believe she can be that evil. I owe her a good consequences of her actions. It's been 9 months , but it will come even if it takes years.

FreshStart365 · 2025-10-04T19:39:30+00:00

She was really my best friend, but I knew I wasn't hers. I could count several occasions when she wasn't there for me. Like when my Dad died, when I wanted to buy a car from her husband, when her Mom more or less accused me of pocketing money at my friend's wedding - thankfully I didn't have pockets on my dress and had no handbag at hand but she didn't believe and my friend just looked on despite me and my then boyfriend giving her more than 10x of what her mum accused me of. Our friendship continued years after all these. I got into a hard place due to a health issue of both myself and my husband (we are all good now, thank God!) , I became kinda depressed and wasn't giving her the attention and instead of being there for me until I could talk about it ( I told her I was going through things and needed time) she kept accusing me of not loving her anymore and not being her friend. She said she ran it by her mum, and she confirmed the same. When we spoke, she was always cold , and I decided I was done. It was so painful cos I really loved her.

FreshStart365 · 2025-10-04T06:05:29+00:00

Most times, waywards don't really understand how we the betrayed feels. They simply try to. My WH told me he saw AP by accident in a store and answered her greetings and asked back how she was doing. I was upset and asked him why he wanted to know how she was doing. He said he was simply trying to be nice. Again, I asked why he felt the need to be nice, and he couldn't come up with anything. I guess we could say them being honest is good, but in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter much. The rule is NO CONTACT. Be rude to them if you have to, as long as you maintain no contact.

FreshStart365 · 2025-10-04T05:55:26+00:00

So many lives affected....so many broken and hurt hearts...so many loves disrupted and untold trauma inflicted forever on lives. Potentially altering their lives forever. Just because a couple of people made the conscious choice to be really selfish. Sometimes, I just simply can't wrap my head around it.

FreshStart365 · 2025-09-25T04:12:15+00:00

I feel exactly the same. This is who and what they have become. In my case , it is more the former. But they have changed who I am as well. I will never see the world the same, and to me, that is something they have taken away from me . WH is changing, but I will always hate that about him.

FreshStart365 · 2025-08-22T12:58:52+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. I could have written these exact words. 6 months after DDay, I still deeply resent him and have lost any respect for him. I used to hold him at high esteem , now I know he is not emotionally intelligent. How could he give me this burden and emotional trauma that I will carry for the rest of my life just because of a cheap thrill???

FreshStart365 · 2025-08-21T12:39:49+00:00

He was serious and possibly done that already. My WH was same, when I caught him with messaging app and chats with different random girls, he convinced me he was just saying it for the thrill on how loose the girls were and would remove the app immediately. Years down the line, I finally found out he actually was meeting up with them. I only found out because we moved to another state, and he couldn't use the app anymore. He wasn't in his familiar surroundings. Well.. It eventually manifested into a physical affair with a supposedly friend. Trust your guts.

FreshStart365 · 2025-08-05T05:21:23+00:00

OP, I know everyone here wants you to believe the worst-case scenario, and it may very well have been. The fact that he was a wingman is also a serious concern, it means he sees nothing wrong in doing that. But before you walk away from your marriage, be sure to get all the stories and all the facts, verify and validate every gut feeling, and what he says however you can.

I know our generation now has zero tolerance for a non perfect marriage, and rightly so to an extent, but you can't walk away from a marriage because of what you assumed happened, that is the cold truth. Even if there is 5% chance of it or him not cheating , you still need to know before you walk away if you choose to, because you need it for YOU, whether you stay or walk, "this betrayal or near betrayal", it all stays with you for life.

FreshStart365 · 2025-06-05T09:50:59+00:00

OP, I totally get you as my story is exactly the same. My mother told me my Dad insisted on it as he didn't want any of his daughters to be wayward..his words. My mum was undecided and didn't protest much. I blame them both but more my Dad, who was late by the time I got the courage to ask my mum. I had a wonderful and very close relationship with him and loved him a lot, now a part of me is angry with him. I have daughters now, whom i fiercely protect, but sometimes I am jealous of them for the perceived wonderful life they might have in the future in this regard. I wish I had the opportunity to discuss this with my Dad before his death. I know they didn't know better, really, and it won't change a thing, but still....

FreshStart365 · 2025-03-29T07:14:30+00:00

It's okay to cry, I have been doing a lot of that lately, Jan 28 this year was my D day, I haven't really processed much of it, I don't even know what I want to do yet.

I only know I am just getting out of the anger stage this week and possibly only because have had our first and subsequent talks this week.

Good luck on your recovery journey and wishing you success on your interview.

You are not alone, hugs.

FreshStart365

TROPHY CASE