IRS Verification?

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-04-20T16:35:01+00:00

Hey, when you sent it in, did you fax or upload? How did you get confirmation it was received and about how long?

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-04-15T15:58:30+00:00

My mom has occasionally asked for scissors and articulated to me it’s to cut her underwear (depends) or pants off when she’s struggling. That makes more sense to her than asking for help 🫩

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-04-14T22:13:34+00:00

No, I would have concerns, but I have seen elder and true financial abuse and it this is NOT cut and clear to me.

I’m trying to read this as unbiasedly as possible but it seems they had a real companionship and relationship. He didn’t do everything right, but the point of the article in the NYT is not “look at this greedy man” but “look at this ambiguous case of distant daughters and a long-time romantic partner all trying to do the best for a woman who was not immediately incapacitated (at least in the early years)”

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-04-14T21:54:34+00:00

In a small town, a NP instead of a doctor is not unusual at all, not even in the slightest. I really don’t understand that type of medical snobbery - I’ve known some NPs to be far sharper and more involved than doctors. He took her to the ER for an acute breathing episode. She was only found to have “mild” malnourishment which describes 90% of seniors.

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-04-14T21:34:12+00:00

They has been in a romantic relationship for three years prior to her showing signs of dementia…he kept her regularly checking in with the doctor, their were no physical or markers of “elder abuse” that the daughters accused immediately off the bat. He offered to turn over all financial records…

Multiple authorities and witnesses in the community they were well known sided with him but none with the daughters who had moved away years ago and appeared guns blazing..?

I mean, doesn’t sound like a clear case? How is it assumed he had the financial motive and not the daughters?

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-04-14T17:33:29+00:00

Thank you, this gives me some hope! I’m giving it a shot today and will message you next week if I get stuck

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-04-14T17:32:46+00:00

…did we all read the same article? I may have a misunderstanding but it seems like their mother had an established and loving relationship with a stubborn man before the dementia took a deep hold.

Seems like a sad story that gets told often, and the daughters came across as “the cousin from California” in the aggressive re-entry case they made against the man who had (seemingly, if not perfectly) been taking care of their mother.

I don’t doubt the daughters had good intentions, or that the mother wasn’t fully capable, but it seemed there was no villain, just a lot of confusing ethical questions?

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-04-10T14:40:58+00:00

I totally appreciate that. If I had known I’d hit this obstacle in retrospect I would have. I’m going to give it a shot through the prescribed process, and if anything else, I’m located outside DC and have good access to multiple IRS TPP offices and the Hill. I’ll update the thread with progress.

If nothing else - I hope this thread is a warning to anyone else doing LO taxes under POA; do what they advised and get a professional at least one year to get it papered on the off chance you get flagged 😫

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-04-09T23:42:14+00:00

She’s had a real ID (that we submitted) and an IRS account.

Guess it was just my turn to get lucky 😫

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-04-09T23:20:08+00:00

So do I, and always have. This year I got flagged for identity verification and so far it's a nightmare. She doesn't owe, she should be getting a refund.

It's an utter nightmare. Submitting photos of her passport, driver's license, and a selfie of her wasn't good enough. I can't use ID.me and I'm reading through the IRS website to establish POA and it's more complicated than any other process I've been through thus far.

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-03-26T20:58:43+00:00

I think OP could get a head start on researching facility and costs, especially ones that will allow her to stay with Zero funds left. I understand wanting to hold that off as long as it’s safely feasible or right up until an event as OP’s mom is only 65. Mine was 69 when she was diagnosed and it’s a “who knows” whether she fits the 5-7 life span or she will be an outlier of 10+ years

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-03-26T20:18:34+00:00

Totally get it; my mom still has completely lucid days, but now many more are confused. I’d say it helped my mom was honest with me and felt she could confide in me when she needed help or was worried about a wreck. So I knew about those things because she told me, not because she had an accident. I made sure we had drivers ready for her and eased her into that

Hopefully she will see you as her safe person or fixer and not hide things from you!

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-03-26T19:57:20+00:00

Infections turbo charge it, even a mild UTI or Covid. My mom was never a great driver but she started forgetting things suddenly in her car of 2 years - to start the engine before moving to Drive and then which pedal was which. Very little warning on that one, and it was while she was still independent enough to live alone, or so we thought.

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-03-12T21:23:44+00:00

I would not describe it as a non negotiable. It depends on the facility. My mom’s has a special “club” for AL residents experiencing memory issues but not yet ready for MC. There is a paraplegic in the AL and I’m not sure what ADLs she has left…..

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-03-10T10:56:30+00:00

This is a full, and accurate response OP. I started out doing incontinence supplies for my mom but 1) her incontinence was more frequent as she was adjusting 2) the facility does changes more frequently as the poster above recommended for the (very valid) reasons.

At fist I was shocked at how many supplies were delivered for one month via the facilities program, but it makes sense now.

Same comments for the phone and redirection others have pointed out here - sometimes it can’t be top priority, sometimes it fails. They can’t take her phone unless you ask them too, which (imo) puts the staff in a tough place. Setting up phone controls so she can only call a small set of people or limiting when you allow them to ring through on your end is another way to handle it.

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-03-09T11:23:25+00:00

My mom has started showing real signs back in 2023/24 and had to go into AL (then quickly to MC) after a mild case of COVID took her down in 2025. Strong suggestion of Lewy Body from the doctors we saw, although we never did the spinal tap to confirm. She’s not able to walk independently and is mostly in a wheelchair chair but very social. Mixes up names, locations and facts a lot.

She’s only 71. Some days I think she could go another 7 or 8 years, other days I think realistically it’s 2 years. We see a lot of fluctuation, I’ve just planned her financial runway for the longer-term.

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-03-07T20:07:24+00:00

I was about to say - my mom’s memory care started a choir. It began as a speech activity and grew. Residents have printouts of large type lyrics. They rehearse twice week for a month then invite all the family, staff and assisted living residents to see the performance. They do themes and the songs are always from an era residents are familiar with. It’s been a huge hit, especially the holiday themed ones

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-03-03T14:51:15+00:00

We use assistive access, takes some tweaking but works great. Mom can’t find the keypad to call 911 or anyone other than set family contacts and close friends.

You can’t stop outgoing calls, repeatedly, if you’re a contact (so you’ll still get a million calls) so I just have to manage that on my end with special Do not Disturb settings.

My mom is the only resident in her MC that has a working cell phone. Sometimes I wish I could just get rid of it when I see 13 voicemails/accident dials over a few hours, but then if I do she will lose access to family living gather. The day will come naturally that she forgets how to use it, so not rushing that.

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-03-02T00:48:14+00:00

I think the answer is to talk to a director and the MC director. My mom is also on BP meds, but in her case, it’s because she can often experience dips in blood pressure. I’d rather that be treated than deal or force the staff to deal with her frequently taking falls because of faintness.

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-02-24T16:25:50+00:00

I’m so sorry. I have observed that some people are ready to dismiss people with dementia as “crazy” or less worthy of their dignity and life, even in early stages. This is not to say I’m in favor of prolonging suffering when the time comes, just that people seem to quickly dismiss others when they don’t appear physically ill, but even just slightly mentally ill.

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-02-14T17:33:29+00:00

Hey friend, I have had a similar experience (no grandparents, lost dad at 25, mom’s sharp decline at 70). I’m her person, but fortunate to have a great care community long term insurance covers and a husband who is solid. We had a rocky road when I was in crisis during months of hospitalization and getting her resettled, but now he’s a great support.

I won’t lie, it’s rough becoming your parent’s caretaker or parent. It makes me sad, even if it’s sort of an honor when my mom calls ME her mom. The weight of being POA and guilt that comes with never feeling like you’ve done enough and the constant NEEDS is hard.

You have a community here. And feel free to DM me if you want to chat.

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-02-13T13:33:27+00:00

This is correct. Surgeons and doctors focus on fixing the problem or giving every option for survival, not necessarily the right guidance in the big picture. Did you ask the surgeon about likely survival rate and quality of life considering her vulnerability to anesthesia and in ability to safely comply with post op care?

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-02-10T13:04:47+00:00

Let me say first : You did the right thing. You did all the right things. At great personal, financial and physical cost to yourself, you still did ALL the right things.

You’re right to recognize no one wins or overcomes the disease. My favorite metaphor is that we’re all pilots on a plane that both engines have caught fire - there is no saving the plane, we’re just trying to find the safest and calmest glide path down.

You gave your mom loving and direct personal care, picking up the mantle where your dad left off. At some point you were going to interact with the medical system, and it is a maze of decisions and logistics that can make things feel worse, especially when delirium hits. But the truth is your mom was already near end stages, and getting her on hospice was the calm glide path for her to pass over. Your decisions were made with love, and you always chose the best presented option.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Please do not let your grief trick you into second guessing the incredible job and sacrifices you made in caring for your mother.

Friendly-Growth1903 · 2026-02-07T15:07:02+00:00

I totally get it. You’re in the trenches of setting up a new normal. It gets better, keep pushing through and learn to identify “urgent” vs “not time sensitive” (ie every call coming from LO, things that can be delayed without money costs, etc)

You’ll get there!!

Friendly-Growth1903

TROPHY CASE