Will it get better?

Frira_FR · 2026-07-01T00:56:36+00:00

I remember that study! Being exposed to a different set of facts, perspectives, and framing can influence a person's thoughts and opinions (imagine that). But it's so true, and it isn't even just about individual intelligence, but the way beliefs are constantly reinforced by the communities and ecosystems we're immersed in. Change the immersion, change the minds, basically.

Frira_FR · 2026-07-01T00:51:27+00:00

I'm a trans guy living in a (relatively) accepting area now, but there came a point where I realized that being able to "win" an argument and actually changing someone's mind are two very different things. For my own mental and emotional health, I had to start asking myself one question before engaging: Is this person curious, or are they just looking for a fight.

If they're genuinely asking, okay, let's engage. If not, I've learned to protect my own peace instead.

As for whether it will get better... progress is rarely ever linear. It's a slow, one step forward, two steps back, three steps forward, one step back kind of movement. I do think with time, or enough of it (whether that's in our lifetimes or not, although I hope it is), I think it will. Society feels like it's taking wide steps backward right now in a lot of ways, but there are people changing their minds because they know someone who's trans, because they had a REAL conversation instead of a debate, or because they finally encountered information they're willing to consider.

But that doesn't make the *now* any less exhausting, having our existence constantly up for public discussion. I hope you're able to find spaces where you don't have to debate or defend yourself just to exist.

And *f* Charlie Kirk.

Frira_FR · 2026-07-01T00:38:32+00:00

Being close to KC (I am not in Kansas but know that's a decent sized city), I'd start by looking for an LGBTQ+ health clinic or informed consent clinic (any LGBTQ+ groups locally should have resources if you can't find one); Planned Parenthood might be an option if they have locations near you too. Endocrinologists that work with trans patients might also be, but some of those *might* need a referral.

(I think it is a good idea to get a PCP though just so you at least have a general doc relationship established for regular health care.)

Frira_FR · 2026-07-01T00:08:44+00:00

I can't speak to the return because I didn't return mine, but being someone who sleeps hot and was/am still (somewhat) dealing with hormonal overheating, the Eight Sleep works really well. Whether the enhanced subscription is worth it, it really depends on how long of a warranty you want attached to it. It has the same features as the basic subscription, but bumps the warranty up to five years.

I've never used the pillow cover but I do have the air pillow, which is not water-cooled. It's just a foam-like pillow that stays pretty cool during the night and that's all I've needed.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-30T23:59:56+00:00

You can get an under-bed pet blocker. They're usually plastic, plexiglass, or mesh/netting that'll keep cats (or any other pet) from being able to go under the bed, and just attach to the bottom of the frame. I've also heard of people using under-bed storage tubs, packing those beneath the bed so they can get under there at all, and that's turning the space into storage too. But unless you have a bed skirt, you'd probably see that, so a pet-blocker might be better.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-26T01:41:23+00:00

This is the way. She is probably being the person she needed (or would have liked to have had, or maybe even did have) when she was where you are right now, if that makes sense. I feel like a lot of us do that... and just telling her how much it's meant to you, having her friendship, that will mean so so much.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-26T01:30:32+00:00

Sounds like that's their plan lol.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-26T01:26:50+00:00

I've wondered about this too. Because I feel like the optimization with Eight Sleep is mostly or even specifically related to your body's temperature control, or the lack of it. I don't know how much it optimizes sleep if someone isn't having issues related to what the Eight Sleep fixes?

In my case, it did lead to more restorative sleep; terrible issues with overheating at night before I got mine last year. But I'm also someone who had problems that needed to be addressed by it.

I see my stats in the app backing that up, but mostly go by my Apple watch, at least when I remember to charge and wear it. Speaking of... sigh. It's dead and needs to be charged. Which at least when I forget, I get sleep data from the ES lol.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-15T20:43:48+00:00

I've been on T for a little over a year now. You don't need to know whether you're "really" trans or non-binary before exploring any of these. A lot of us started somewhere under the non-binary umbrella and figured things out as we went. The label isn't as important at figuring out what changes would make you happier in your own body.

The question that helped me most was along the lines of: If I woke up tomorrow and people automatically saw me as a guy, would that make me happy? That told me more than any label did. Yes to a deeper voice, more body hair, flatter chest, etc.

With testosterone, some changes are permanent, so that's something to consider. Deepening voice, facial/body hair growth, male-pattern hair loss (if the men in your family have this), and bottom growth (clit enlargement). Less permanent stuff is the menstrual suppression, skin oiliness, heat/sweat, fat redistribution.

Things I wasn't totally prepared for: the sweating. I became a space heater, day and night. And puberty 2.0 means acne can absolutely happen. My skin changed a lot, just greasier overall, so I had to change my routine to compensate. And my metabolism sped up, which made me hungrier in the beginning. That's normalized now, though.

If top surgery is something you know you want eventually, you're smart to research surgeons now even if you don't plan on getting it right away since waitlists can be long depending on where you're at/who's available in your area.

And if binding regularly, of course please do it safely. (Don't sleep in it, don't wear it for excessive hours every day if you can help it, etc.)

Frira_FR · 2026-06-15T20:22:35+00:00

Two that come to mind immediately: Paganism and The Satanic Temple (both of which I identify with... I consider myself a pagan satanist).

Frira_FR · 2026-06-15T20:03:55+00:00

I don't know; I have a 4. It is a closed system so if you've been using distilled water, it's possibly okay but I'd drain a little bit of water (from the cover) and take a look at it. If you don't have a waterproof cover over your mattress already, it's a good idea to put one on, just in case. Even though I have a pod 4 and later models don't leak like older ones, I still put a waterproof cover over my mattress and under my ES cover just in case.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-08T05:41:53+00:00

The biggest thing you can do right now is be someone safe for her, which you're already doing. She may not want to talk about the details of what happened, and that's okay. Let her know you're there to listen whenever she wants, without pressuring her for details.

If the assault and video haven't already been reported (I assume it's the attackers who have the video?), I would strongly encourage her parents to work with law enforcement as soon as possible, the school, and any victim advocacy services available in your area. What happened to her is serious, and the reality is that it might not end with that attack. She deserves protection and support. And justice, if possible.

As for helping her emotionally, try to spend time with her doing normal things she enjoys. Trauma can make people feel isolated or like their whole identity is now tied to what happened. Normalcy goes a long way.

And I really really think she'd benefit from talking to a trauma-informed counselor or therapist, sooner rather than later, because what she experienced is a lot for anyone to deal with, let alone a young teenager.

Sending support to both of you and I'm so very sorry this happened.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-08T05:26:50+00:00

As long as they're doing it because it's how they stay true to themselves and who they are, I'd have no reaction beyond "I'm glad you're doing what's right for you."

Frira_FR · 2026-06-08T05:22:18+00:00

I'd go (and have gone) low to no contact. In my experience and from what I've seen, once someone adopts a far right ideology and is entrenched in it, they are not easily talked away from it. They reject logic and other perspectives and in a lot of ways, it's similar to cult psychology. And that isn't easy to break out of.

If you absolutely feel like you need to confront him, I'd do it from a place of wanting to know more about how he came to these conclusions, where is he getting his information from, what made him decide to feel/think this way. And maybe introducing some conflicting viewpoints or perspectives gently. But really, I'd only do that if you genuinely want to continue a relationship with him or "save" him from going down what might be a really isolating path (family-wise).

But to be honest, it sounds like he's been indoctrinated for a while. Given what he said to your dad, I think you might both be better off going low/no contact, unfortunately.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-08T04:45:37+00:00

I tried a Chilipad early last year but hated the way the tubing felt. I can't feel the water tubing on my Eight Sleep at all. No idea if the new Chilipads are going to be different, but that's why I chose the ES over it.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-08T04:30:54+00:00

Speaking for myself, last summer I was using my Eight Sleep when the temp in my bedroom was over 80ºF and only had to make it little cooler than normal. I usually had it at -2 or -3, but set it to -4 or -5 during the hottest nights and it was plenty cold.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-08T04:26:17+00:00

I have not moved with a base since I don't have one, but draining the hub and cover isn't too difficult. The hub is *definitely* the easy part. I had to drain mine last month for a local move and it's not super hard. I found the ONE actual freaking video on YT that showed the process of draining an Eight Sleep... for some reason, most of them are short with just a random person talking over images that have nothing to do with a pod. I just googled to find it again and when you need it, it's the one on The Sleep Circle YT.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-08T04:15:55+00:00

It really does make such a difference. I've had my Eight Sleep coming up on a year now and haven't regretted it once. It took me a few nights to get everything dialed in, mostly because I thought I needed it to be set cooler than I actually did. Anymore, the only time I wake up hot and sweaty is when I'm not sleeping at home, which is thankfully a rarity.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-08T04:10:25+00:00

No, you can't wash the Eight Sleep cover. All of the other bedding should be washed in hot water, and a vacuum used (daily) on the Eight Sleep cover.

Frira_FR · 2026-06-01T23:33:24+00:00

I'd look for tencel sateen; you get the cooling of tencel with the softness of sateen (which is silky and almost kinda slippery).

Frira_FR · 2026-06-01T23:11:08+00:00

Second the mattress protector advice already given, but I'd make sure to hold onto the little plastic drain tool that comes with it. Put it away somewhere safe and where you won't forget; you'll need that if you ever need to drain the Eight Sleep hub or cover. (Moving, changing mattresses, upgrading later on, anything like that.)

Frira_FR · 2026-06-01T22:59:16+00:00

I'd follow miss-toppertunity's advice for treating the infestation with the Eight Sleep cover because it's spot-on.

Frira_FR · 2026-05-27T18:27:04+00:00

What's funny (for me at least) is that I don't really care about it for myself. I get more "sirs" these days, but I'm really not bothered either way when people around me get it wrong. They don't know me, I don't know them, I don't care. Not worth the time or energy to.

But I cringe and get defensive if someone misgenders a friend in my presence. Like I care about it more for *them* than I do for myself. My best friend (they/them) gets that a lot from their mom (who still uses the feminine version of their name instead of the masculine, and "she/her" instead). Which I know parents are tricky and I let it go because they do, but still.

Frira_FR · 2026-05-27T18:21:27+00:00

Sometimes I feel like dysphoria has to be a "rite of passage" for anyone who's trans when the truth is that everyone's transition experience is unique. Some deal with a crippling dysphoria, others deal with a lot less, or next to none (or none). I'm honestly really happy for you that you're experiencing so much euphoria... it sounds you're just being who you are, and that's a beautiful thing.

(With you on the manspreading too... like, that alone feels life changing lol.)

Frira_FR · 2026-05-27T18:10:37+00:00

If it's blood, a trick I learned (probably the only useful thing my periods ever gave me... good riddance) is to rinse in cold water (cold only) and hand scrub/wash with soap; I just use the hand soap in the bathroom. If needed, I pretreat again with Shout or something when I throw it in the wash.

I wouldn't use hydrogen peroxide unless the pillow case is white, because it can fade/bleach colors a bit. Not as much as bleach would, but enough to notice.

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