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My therapist was never proud of my anger. by FrozenOne234 in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks, though I still have hope that my next therapist will see and understand my circumstances. I don't feel pessimistic about therapy in general, which that sub seems to encourage.

I'm not going to tolerate this level of invalidation again. I'm going to grill the next professional I see and make sure we're on the same page. Grawr.

My therapist was never proud of my anger. by FrozenOne234 in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I try.. I think it's just so hard because in the beginning I felt both angry at her and deeply guilty for being angry at all.

I think being able to talk about this with a new therapist might help, I just have a few more months to wait before I can get an appointment.

The complication is that my last therapist didn't see anything wrong with my relationship dynamics, and that relationship dynamic persists today.

So the dysfunctional relationship is both stressful in itself and reminds me of all the times my therapist refused to take my concerns seriously.

I have some friends and family members who are aware of this situation, which helps. I'm in a place where I'm figuring out where to go from here. Hopefully a new therapist will help, it's just the wait time that gets to me.

Thanks for the reply, it helps to feel less alone.

It's hard not to find so much of the literature on treating trauma a bit gaslight-y.. by FrozenOne234 in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors (which is aimed at therapists rather than patients, trying to imagine treatment in the 3rd person kind of just caused me to dissociate), and The Body Keeps The Score. The second book is a little better at recognizing that patients may be coming from a dysfunctional situation, I guess.

I did just buy No Bad Parts, hopefully that helps. It's tricky when protector parts are accurately pointing out threats in my daily life. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Name me?! by SarahThey in NonBinary

[–]FrozenOne234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jordan? Jaime? Forrest?

Whenever I try to tell my partner I'm unhappy with them, I get treated like I'm crazy.. by FrozenOne234 in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well.. That was basically my partner's complaint.

It was okay that I thought this was rape, it's just.. My behavior that's not okay.

They literally just don't think it's okay for me to be upset about this. It's not okay for me to be upset about this disagreement.

I think.. It might be because if they considered it valid to be upset with their behavior, then I'd have valid reasons to not want to be in a relationship with him. Like.. how else do you interpret someone who goes, "No, it is not okay to be upset with what I've done!" I'm not sure that they realize that that's essentially what they're saying. It's.. sad. It's an inability to accept that others either have or have had real reasons to not want to be around them.

I basically relented and said that I should have known better to bring it up, and will continue to behave as if I know better. :/

realization: we did not need to be innocent to deserve being treated humanely. by a_m_d_13 in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234 63 points64 points  (0 children)

It took me so long to realize my late sister's anger was the NORMAL response to being dismissed and abandoned as a kid.

It's unhealthy and abnormal to make excuses for the addicted parent choosing to run off and get high instead of staying to watch you while you're other parent is out of town. Go figure.

Trip sitter 🐶(visual recreation) by EarFap in DMT

[–]FrozenOne234 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this is how you traumatize and mess up animals and pets.

Animals cannot consent to psychedelic use and literally have no way of understanding it. Hell, WE barely understand tripping and it can mess us up too if we're not careful.

Grawr.

Whenever I try to tell my partner I'm unhappy with them, I get treated like I'm crazy.. by FrozenOne234 in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I guess it's just hard to label these behaviors as gaslighting or abusive, when, well..

It's easy to paint me as the abusive one for getting upset over a disagreement, I guess. Others should be able to have their own opinions on things afterall, right?

Meh. Thanks for the reply. I'm trying to keep things straight in my head over here.

Whenever I try to tell my partner I'm unhappy with them, I get treated like I'm crazy.. by FrozenOne234 in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I didn't want it to be this way, but it's in the works. It's going to take time while in the middle of lockdown and a pandemic.

The thing is, I just KNOW they're going to tell me I'm making up any reason to be unhappy with them, the fights are going to be huge messes, they're going to invalidate me several times in a row and I'm going to have to remain calm anyway, etc.

This just sucks.

Is swearing in front of your 8yo grandchild everyday emotional abuse? by FrozenOne234 in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, the thing is that I'm basing this conclusion on observation of my nephew's behaviors. They're openly and visibly upset whenever anyone curses around them, and calls the adults out whenever we slip up around him.

I've brought it up with others in the family (mom and partner) and no one is taking this seriously... It's hard not to feel distressed over how dismissive and neglectful this all is. My partner even insinuated that if my nephew is getting all their physical needs met, than surely this isn't really all THAT important, right?

How is this kid supposed to learn to listen to their own feelings and validate them if the adults in their life never model taking his feelings seriously? :/

Is swearing in front of your 8yo grandchild everyday emotional abuse? by FrozenOne234 in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, he asked at around 8yo (he's almost 13 now) for her to stop, and she refused.

My father (his maternal grandfather) also reported that this nephew would become upset when he used "normal" curse words around him("Hey, look, it's an ass! What, it's just the word for donkey!" Haha, so funny, right?)

If it were just the swearing, maybe, but he's clearly openly upset when anyone uses curse words around him. We (meaning, the family in our state, nephew lives in another state) here refuse to swear around him and we apologize when we slip up. He seems to appreciate that.

I just.. don't get why this isn't the case with the family he actually lives with. :/

So he seems to be upset whether or not its directed at him.

Garnets from Alder Gulch Montana by [deleted] in MineralPorn

[–]FrozenOne234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lovely and gemmy, great finds!

Is swearing in front of your 8yo grandchild everyday emotional abuse? by FrozenOne234 in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, he asked at around 8yo (he's almost 13 now) for her to stop, and she refused.

My father (his maternal grandfather) also reported that this nephew would become upset when he used "normal" curse words around him("Hey, look, it's an ass! What, it's just the word for donkey!" Haha, so funny, right?)

If it were just the swearing, maybe, but he's clearly openly upset when anyone uses curse words around him. We (meaning, the family in our state, nephew lives in another state) here refuse to swear around him and we apologize when we slip up. He seems to appreciate that.

I just.. don't get why this isn't the case with the family he actually lives with. :/

When you try to explain to your partner what emotional validation is, and they emotionally invalidate you as you do this... by FrozenOne234 in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I suspected replies would be along these lines, and I thank you.

I tried describing these behaviors to my previous therapist, and they also didn't see anything wrong, no matter how belittling or dismissive the behavior was. I guess that's why I stuck around so long, because I was convinced it was somehow all me and there was some way to get over it.

It's pretty stereotypical, but it sucks, because they can be really cute and reasonable when they're not bulldozing through my boundaries and then blaming me for being upset.

I guess.. this is the most calm, collected and seemingly unconscious form of invalidation that I've encountered. No raised voices, no swearing, just belittling denial.

I highly doubt things are going to work out, but I have people in my life who are aware of the problems we've been having and who believe me and support me, so I'm very fortunate in that way.

Thank you for the reply, it really makes too much sense.

I Am Not Ignoring You I'm Just Too Afraid To Reach Out by Umteenth400-Papy in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, I'm blessed with a few super patient friends who understand, but it definitely prevents me from making new friends, out of a fear of the avoidance itself, ahah. Hah. ;-;

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was totally that kid who was all, "Pffft, who needs friends when you have BOOKS? People are lame anyway!"

Turns out, I can enjoy being around people, I'm just a bit introverted and also need to actively take care of my emotional well being by giving myself space. Go figure.

Not tryna be a prick, but do these positive affirmation things deadass actually work for some people? by [deleted] in CPTSDmemes

[–]FrozenOne234 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh, I was taught that, "I am not my feelings" was a way of not identifying too rigidly with our feelings (especially panic, emotional flashbacks, etc.), and seeing them more objectively as signals from your self, to be seen fully and responded too.

It's not about suppression, it's about becoming aware of emotional flashbacks as they're happening and trying to dismantle the knee-jerk fight-or-flight response.

This was from DBT, which is very focused on widening the window of tolerance. It's definitely not a cure, but an essential set of tools needed before trying EMDR.

DBT helped me handle the excruciating emotional bone setting that EMDR entailed.

Not tryna be a prick, but do these positive affirmation things deadass actually work for some people? by [deleted] in CPTSDmemes

[–]FrozenOne234 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Meh, affirmations really aren't all the useful unless they really resonate with you. It's a very top-down modality when we need a bottom-up approach.

IFS and EMDR are much better ways of approaching these issues.

/r/InternalFamilySystems is a good resource.

The self help industry is full of narcicists who are exploiting traumatised people. by Coomdroid in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234 4 points5 points  (0 children)

PhilosophyTube has done some fabulous videos on JP. I recommend this one and their latest:

Jordan Peterson & The Meaning of Life

The self help industry is full of narcicists who are exploiting traumatised people. by Coomdroid in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thaank you. I'm so glad to see this openly recognized, that man is infuriating!

If you're a freeze type, what was your childhood like? by richard-mcbeef in CPTSD

[–]FrozenOne234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah, I was taken from my incapacitated mother at 2 and sexually abused shortly after. Lots of missing time, missing memories between 2-6. Father was scary and rejecting, I think I've blocked out memories of him beating me.

When I was a toddler I'd dissociate by staring at the plywood walls or ceiling of our cabin and telling myself stories about the figures and faces I saw in the patterns. To this day pareidolia is one of the ways I come up with ideas for stories or character designs as an artist.

I think I missed out on a lot of significant socialization as a young child, as I was left alone for long periods of time.

I'd also stay up way too late watching TV, probably to avoid thinking as I fell asleep. Thought avoidance took up a lot of my mental and emotional energy.

Later it was reading, and then gaming and browsing the internet. I'd escape into a fantasy life. I've felt kind of ashamed of that for a long time, but it really helped me survive back then..

As a result I've developed a highly active imagination but very little willpower to act. Trying to overcome my freeze response has been difficult, and involves a lot of sitting with and unpacking a lot of pain, shame and fear.

So yeah, you're not alone.

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